Love the bangs, Carl

So, I record a movie on TCM, Blood of the Vampire. It had a weird description:

A couple enters the asylum of a mad vampire doctor and his one-eyed assistant with bangs, Carl.


That's an awfully good description of Carl, but "with bangs" - really? They must mean "with fangs" - certainly?


I guess not.

Shit Talkin' Tough Guys: Dolly Parton Edition

From Nine to Five:

"So, you've been tellin' everybody I've been sleepin' with ya, huh? Well that explains it! That's why these people treat me like some dime-store floozy. They think I'm screwin' the boss! Oooh, and you just love it, don't you? It gives you some sort of cheap thrill like knockin' over pencils and pickin' up papers! Get your scummy hands offa me! Look I've been straight with you since the first day I got here, and I've put up with all of your pinchin' and starin' and chasin' me around the desk because I need this job. But this is the last straw! Look, I've got a gun out there in my purse. Up until now I've been forgivin' and forgettin' because of the way I was brought up, but I'll tell you one thing. If you ever say another word about me or make another indecent proposal, I'm gonna get that gun of mine, and I'm gonna change you from a rooster to a hen with one shot! And don't think I can't do it."

AD&D Monster Form

While I have moved to playing 4e D&D, old skool AD&D still has its appeal, particularly where basic programming is concerned. Here is a little Javascript/HTML form that lets you input monster data and output a web-friendly display. It still needs some tweaking, but might be fun for you guys. Here's a sample from Dungeon Module RS1 Red Sonja Unconquered

Drowners
Frequency: Rare
No. Appearing: 10-45
Armor Class: 7
Move: 12"/24"
Hit Dice: 2
% in Lair: Nil
Treasure Type: Nil
No. of Attacks: 1
Damage/Attack: 1-4
Special Attacks: Nil
Special Defenses: Nil
Magic Resistance: Standard
Intelligence: Low
Alignment: Lawful Neutral
Size: Small
Psionic Ability: Nil
  Attack/Defense Modes: Nil

Nerd Girl of Note #43

Not everyone loves her, but I do. Sarah Silverman is funny, period. Sure, the Matt Damon thing maybe went on a bit long, but it's hardly her fault that the media ran away with the thing (oh, Youtube. Were you ever so young?).

Want some nerd-cred? Other than doing a show with gay D&D playing roommates? Other than being a regular Tweeter? Other than that she dresses like an eleven year-old boy? Okey, here goes. She's a Star Trek alum. That's right. The Big S appeared in a special two episode ST:VOY entitled "Future's End" (season 3). If being in Star Trek ain't nerd cred, then I don't think I know what is anymore.

Ollie's Finds!

So, this stor Ollie's opened near us. Kind of a big lots. We went in to look around; I headed straight for the toys!

$1.99 each for Power Girl and Batwoman. They also had Star Sapphire, and Wildcat. Maybe next time, if they are still around.


What a little piece of heaven this is! Now I can be a Match Game contestant?!? I just hope Bowser isn't on here. $5.99 kids. That's worth it to match wits with Charles a Brett!


Yes, that is my toe at the bottom. I was naked, but it is my toe ;-)

Premature (comic)Book Review: Grimm Failry Tales, volume 4

I think we all know I am not a huge comicbook fan, but I have my moments of weakness. I saw that Alex Sim-Wise was interested in this one, so I got it from Amazon. Well, I guess people's tastes vary.

This comic sells itself as a dark, sexy version of the original Brothers Grimm stories. Unfortunately, it is a crappy Tales from the Crypt sort-of rip-off. Dark, yes. Sexy, not so much. The story involves two women (sisters?) who have magical powers and can put people into fairy tales. This is the perfect example of why I am not into comicbooks; the cover is a million times better than the contents. The dialogue is pretty awful, and the art is fair at best.

Do yourself a favor and skip this series. If you really must see it, I'll send you my copy gratis.

Red Sonja Blog

I am at it again with the multi-contributor, tough chick blogging. After the success of Amazon Princess, I decided to start a Red Sonja blog here. Want to contribute? Let me know!

How to find me ;-)

Here is my occasional man-am-I-bored post with the site's search queries. Click image to enlarge.

Trip Back to ECU

Ah, we went back to our old stomping grounds this weekend. Greenville, NC and East Carolina University. I am starting a graduate program and went for orientation. In true ECU style, however, I blew it off and went downtown instead. It was a great time. I got to have lunch with my best man, who I haven't seen in years, and who saved my life on my wedding night. Literally. What, I haven't mentioned my wedding? That is for another time. Anyway, here are some lousy camera phone pics :-)

This is the student union bowling alley. My senior year we all finished finals early, got really lit up downtown, then decided "bowling would be fun!." It was.


Arguably ECU's best sport. I am lousy at it.


This is the part of campus I spent most of my class time in.


The ride into downtown, I think.


A little convenience store where I remember a freshman trying to buy weed from the cashier. It was funny because the place was packed and he was going on and on, very loudly.


The little woman's old place. Much fun was had here amongst our little band of outsiders.


Cubby's! A little whole in the wall, but when I ate meat I thought they had the best Carolina burger in the world. If you find yourself in G'ville anytime, you must go. This is the one time I'll advocate eating beef, so you know I am serious.


Well, that's all.

Nerd Girl of Note #42

There are a lot of funny women out there, but almost no one, male or female, is funnier than Madeline Kahn. She could be included here for just History of the World, Part 1 and Blazing Saddles if we wanted, but she was also in the Brooks classics Young Frankenstein and High Anxiety, and then the oddly enjoyable Clue! Her other credits are all over the nerd-friendly-place: City Heat, Yellowbeard, The Muppet Movie, and her sitcom "Oh, Madeline!" A very funny lady. Check her work out sometime, you will not be disappointed.



As Lilly von Shtupp in Blazing Saddles

As "Mrs. White" from Clue!

Does "with everything" still mean "with everything"?

I don't want to get too philosophical here, but I am confused...

Say you go to get a sub (or hoagie, or grinder) for lunch.

"Sandwich Artist" - What would you like on it?

Darius Whiteplume - "Everything"

SA - "Do you want pickles?"

DW - "Sure, everything."

SA - "Mayonnaise?"

DW - "Uh, yeah. Everything."

SA - "Jalapeños?"

Okey, I could go on and on.

I hate to sound like a cranky old man (I am cranky, and I am old, but not a "cranky old man"), but invariably when I order a sub I go through this. Since I don't eat meat-with-feet, I tend to get the veggie sub, and if there is anything you do want on a veggie sub, it's everything! Saying "all the way" doesn't help any either.

I don't know what happened to "with everything" but have some ideas.

1. Anchovies: In my mind, the original "with everything" food was the pizza. Somewhere along the way, people stopped liking anchovies, so many pizza places stopped having them. So, perhaps people would order "with everything" from a place with anchovies, and then complain "there are freakin' anchovies on my pizza!" Certainly these pizzerias would start asking, and I have even seen pizza boxes with "Eveything" and "Everything/No Anchovies" check boxes on the side.

2. Strange Peppers: We went through a bit of a pepper phase, and more places started having more types of peppers. Green bells are most common, but some places have banana peppers and jalapeños, which some people might not like. I get it. Frankly I don't like green bell peppers.

Ultimately though, I don't think either of these things matter with what I experience. I am in front of the person making the sub, and they are continually asking what I want. I am not sure if they are not paying attention, or if my little burg has a problem with people asking for "everything" and then going "whoa, whoa, whoa! What is that, lettuce?!?"

I'll shut up now. Enjoy your lunch.

Weird Verification Words

I didn't have something clever to say about all of them (or perhaps any of them, depending on your point-of-view :-)

Being nice, as a hologram.

Implies sometihing is more effed up than another thing.

It ain't ovatill the fat lady sings!

"where my aunt went to school" - via Iasa

An alien probing device.

A devil's daughter.

The inside of a corndog.

Should be a Baroque Dead Can Dance song.

Euphemism for the French art.

A train that makes you vomit.

Sound you make when eating gymeas.

Not quite flerg-worthy, but getting there.

Henry Winkler's character in the next Star Trek movie.

One of the not-so-great Old Ones.

Duh, a Thundercats' enemy.

Premature Book Review: Breathers

S.G. Browne's Breathers: a Zombie's Lament is the story of Andy, a young man who dies in a car wreck and returns three days later as a zombie. In this book, zombies have always been around and are now populous enough to be noticed. They are also the heroes of the story—denied right because of their undead status and dealing with a harsh public that may treat them however they please.

Breathers was suggested to me by Ruby Tombstone (@Marawitch on Twitter), and so far it is very enjoyable. It is not a typical zombie story: they do not thirst for brains, and many of them can speak. Andy lives with his parents, though they are not too happy about it. Here's a little excerpt.

Not every corpse that reanimates moves in with his or her parents or has a friend or relative willing to take them in. Nearly half end up homeless or in shelters, with the less fortunate getting harvested for parts and sold to medical facilities or impact testing centers. And it's rare for a spouse to take the undead back into the fold, especially if there are any Breather children. I don't know about the other states, but California's Child Protective Services frowns upon single parents who allow a zombie to live at home. And when it comes to visitation rights, the undead have zero.

[...]

the Undead Commandments: You will not disturb the living. You will not be out after curfew. You will not commit necrophilia. You will not covet your neighbor's flesh. There are a few more about honoring your host guardians and refraining from acts of civil disobedience, but for the most part they're just a bunch of rules we have to follow in order to coexist with the living. Breathers, on the other hand, don't have to follow any rules regarding the undead. Except for the necrophilia part. But that's just common sense.

(S.G. Browne is on Twitter too, here.)

GI Joe: TheRise of Cobra

Well, I finally saw it last weekend. No real review here, just some thoughts (no spoilers, I hope).

1. I have got to stop making fun of Marlon Wayans. He was remarkably good in this. Normally for me, if it ain't Damon, it ain't worth it, but Marlon brought a bit of the "Shorty" fun from Scary Movie without being too over the top. Marlon, please accept my appologies.
   
2. Scarlett was a bad ass. The motorcycle chase was really well done. It was necessary to suspend disbelief (especially when similar trading of paint landed moi in the ER), but it was more realistic than a lot of its movie/cgi counterparts.
   
3. Love the 9th Doctor as Destro. Loved The Mummy as Zartan.
   
4. The Corbra in-fighting was really accurate, I think. Cobra always had problems in the cartoon with power struggles, but it was less cartoony here. Let's face it; you get a bunch of megalomaniacs together and they will all want to be boss.
   
5. Some nice fan service that was not too heavy-handed.

The Bad...

1. The end with The Baroness. Cheap shot, I think.
   
2. The big underwater dogfight a) was too Star Wars-y and b) did not seem to be underwater.

Worth watching as an action movie. Fun and stupid popcorn munching fare. I don't regret paying to see it in the theatre.