Monday, August 30, 2010

Piranha 3-D (Alexandre Aja, 2010)

This post will perhaps shock for three reasons. First, I actually went to the theater. Second, I willing saw a 3D film. Third, I enjoyed it.

I decided to see Piranha 3-D after reading The Phantom of Pulp's review. As he mentions, it is a silly, sexy, gory, exploitation horror movie. Go into it with that attitude, and you will not be disappointed. This is not Jaws, nor is it Titanic. This is two hours of chicks in bikinis being eaten by mutated piranha. Well, there are some other things too, like:
  • Eli Roth getting his head smashed in.
  • Kelly Brook being more than tits on a stick.
  • Porn star Gianna Michaels nude para-sailing, and nude getting eaten by piranha sailing.
  • Jerry O'Connell's penis stand-in.
  • A love story.
I know, that last one isn't going to impress anyone, but it is a monster movie staple.


Kelly Brook and a friend.


Giannna Michaels: flying fish food.

The bad: The 3D is not so hot. For the most part it seems that they went back to do 3-D to cash in a bit. I have not researched it, but there are a few Viewmaster style landscapes, and a few CGI'd in your face moments, but otherwise it is just a monster movie. There is one scene where all the fun is sucked out of the movie by the sheer volume of gore. The Phantom called it a "Fulci-level violence in a Jaws-like scenario," and he is (with my limited exposure to Fulci) on the money. It does not really add to the horror, it is just like they ground the cast of Jersey Shore up in a kiddie pool. Fortunately, it does not last long, and we get back to the real scares.

The good: a lot of great cameos. Ving Rhames has a bit part. Christopher Lloyd as the willy professor. The first, I won't even mention. It is such great fan service that anyone who loves monster movies will squeal with joy once the recognize it. It is the first scene of the film, and proves to me (at least) that Alexandre Aja loves the genre.

If you like monster movies, go see this one, or maybe wait for the DVD where you might be able to forgo the 3D. It does not add anything, but does not distract either.

4 comments:

Gilligan said...

I'm going to see it on Thursday, so I didn't read your whole review (so as not to spoil anything). But I'm with you - it takes a lot for me to head to the theater and don a pair of 3-D glasses... but this movie is calling my name. Perhaps it's the hope that horror films will start to get back to their roots - blood and boobs. We shall see.

Darius Whiteplume said...

There is not a lot to spoil in this one. It is pretty straight forward monster movie.

If you want titties and blood, you will be in the right place. ;-D

Ghidorah said...

I, too, went to the theater, willingly saw it in 3-D and enjoyed it (a lot).

Sexy girls and carnivorous fishes how can you not like that!!

The 3D, I agree, is not that impressive, but even if only for the underwater 3D lesbian dance, it was worth the extra price!

Darius Whiteplume said...

That was the best use of the 3D.

I didn't stay through the credits. Did I miss anything? Movies loves pulling that shit these days.

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