Wednesday, August 18, 2010

WIP Wednesday: "Savage Island" (Nicholas Beardsley, 1985)

So, you want to make a Women in Prison film. You've got all the necessary ingredients. A bevy of hot chicks, and some not so hot ones to boot. Check. Remote jungle location with Vietnam movie prop huts. Check. Sadistic guards with whips. Check. Inexplicably tiny prison uniforms. Check, and double check. However, you feel there is something missing... How about a big star (or even just an American star), and a reason for the story you have already shot? Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce the star of the show, Miss Linda Blair!

That's not enough for you? How about Leon Askin? What's that? You don't know Leon Askin? Why, he just played General Burkhalter on Hogan's Heroes, that's all.

"More," you say? Fear not, we also have Penn Gillette of Penn & Teller fame who gets billing in the opening credits. He speaks two lines in the first five minutes and is promptly shot in the head.

Now, say goodbye to all these lovely people for the next hour and fifteen minutes or so, because after Linda explains to Leon that she is an escapee from his South American emerald mining prison, we shall not see them again until the final five minutes. Linda will do some narrating, but if you want to see her fighting in a shower, or running through the jungle in a skimpy outfit, then friend you are out of luck.

So, apparently, the film that was shot involved a group of jewel thieves who plan to rob the prison. They have a girl inside (another WIP staple). They disguise themselves as new guards so they can locate the emeralds. It doesn't take long to discover how terrible the conditions are for the women, and decide to liberate the prison.

Some girls fight. Some girls get knocked around. Some girls fight. Yadda-yadda-yadda. The big breakout occurs. The jewel thieves get away with half the emeralds, as their getaway driver (boat captain) slipped away with the other half. More guards chase them. The women die one by one from jungle treacheries. The male hero is killed. Two girls get away, but the emeralds are lost.

Back to Linda and Leon. Leon rings for his guard, who somehow let a woman with a machine gun under her coat into a jewel dealer's office. Guard is shot. Linda makes Leon open the safe. There's a gun in the safe. Linda shoots Leon, and gets away with some major bling. The End.

If you really need to see this one, it is on Fancast.

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