Premature Book Review: The Necromancer

Book four of The Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel is The Necromancer. When we last left our heroes, they had battled Doctor John Dee and Niccolò Machiavelli in Paris, won and then escaped to America to retrieve Flamel's wife Pernelle. Dee, having been beaten is now to be punished for his failure (if his master can catch him), and the Flamels are dying from lack of the Elixer of Life.

As a book, this one carries on as the previous entries do. The most difficult part is keeping a sense of time. At the halfway point of book four the action has only gone on for a week. It seems longer, but the characters acknowledge this as well. Either it is a clever literary device, or else Scott understood the pacing problems and is trying to write them away by acknowledgment. Fortunately it is not a major distraction.

This book brings us more mythological and historic figures, including Aoife (pronounced "Eva") who is traditionally the sister of Scáthach in the Ulster Cycle, as well as Virginia Dare who was the first English child born in the Americas. There is also an expansion of the Central Americican and perhaps First Nations mythology with the inclusion of Quetzalcoatl and the Mayan realm of fear, Xibalba.

Now, you may remember that I thought Michael Scott discussed technology and the internet too much. This is a bit true in the first two books, but books three and four have less of this influence. This strikes me as a slow and deliberate device. The more removed from the world the twins Josh and Sophie become, the less dependence on technology there is.

If you have a taste for youth literature, or just good stories, you will likely enjoy this series. I imagine they could be read independently, as with the long frequency between books I tend to forget what happened previously, but there is a story arc to consider. The Necromancer is definitely a turning point in the series, which appears to total six books. Like Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire or The Ersatz Elevator it is the point where things really start to change. Major characters have been defined and the action is ready to progress to climax. While the books are aimed at teens, it is similar to Treasure Island or Oliver Twist in their adult appeal.

Nerd Girl of Note #64

Easily one of my favorite actresses. Rosario Dawson is not only loved by nerds, but is one herself. She's a Trekkie who speaks Klingon, if nothing else.

Ms. Dawson has been in some of my favorite movies, and has been one of the few bright spots in others. She kills in Clerks II, she's one of the best parts of Sin City, and hilarious in Death Proof. She voiced Artemis in the animated video release of Wonder Woman and has been on Robot Chicken. She was in Men in Black II and got naked for us in Alexander. Also, she created a comic book with Image Comics called Occult Crimes Taskforce.

I think my favorite thing about her, besides the hotness, is how ridiculous and funny she can be. Clerks II had so much awful stuff for her to do and say, and apparently the View Askew guys were worried about her. They thought the studio was foisting a big name onto them to draw a crowd. She certainly played along, and was probably better than Smith and company ever imagined. Who could blame them? The biggest things she was known for previously were a quirky teen retro movie, Josie and the Pussycats, a gritty noir comic book film, Sin City, a historical drama, Alexander, and a well known bit of musical theater, Rent. I'd be worried too. However, the best parts of Clerks II were easily Dawson's "Becky" and Trevor Fehrman's "Elias."

Best sees, in my book: Death Proof, Sin City, Clerks II. You might regret watching Sin City, but the other two are pretty darn good.

Lesbian Vampire Killers (Phil Claydon, 2008)

Horror comedies are nothing new. There are basically two types: the Shaun of the Dead variety where a serious attempt at horror 'truthiness' is made with a comedic backdrop, and films like Scary Movie which are generally just spoofs of iconic horror imagery. Lesbian Vampire Killers is firmly in the former's camp. Don't get me wrong. I like a lot of the Scary Movie films. They do a great job of making known scary moment funny. Their intent is not horror, however, which is the difference.

Now, I will admit that when I first heard of this film, I was certain it would be a knock-off of Shaun of the Dead, but I was completely wrong. There are similarities. Primarily the skinny, semi-responsible guy and his heavy-set, unemployed man-child sidekick. There are some others, but they are more movie cliché in general than direct derivation. The big draw was Mathew Horne whom I know from The Catherine Tate Show. He and co-star James Corden currently (on BBC America, at least) are the stars of Gavin & Stacey. I knew Horne to be funny, so I had high hopes.

The plot? Pretty basic stuff. Ancient vampire destined to return. Ancient hero whose bloodline is prophesied to save mankind. Destiny brings it all together. Simple, straight-forward vampire story. Aren't they all?

The movie is, in my opinion, very true to vampire traditionalism. The film looks like a Hammer Dracula movie with updated effects. They draw greatly on the classic feel, and while there may not be much that is 'new' in the way the story runs there is one thing I know about vampire traditionalists: you don't break the rules. These are Bram Stoker vampires. They don't sparkle, they are not sullen leStat types. Best of all, Claydon and his team really use a vampire's powers effectively, particularly their hypnotic powers.

If you like a little funny with your horror, this one is for you. It is not some softcore Misty Mundae vehicle, as the title might suggest. The American release is merely Vampire Killers, which I thought was selling out, but frankly the lesbian part is my main point of contention with the film. It is a purely gratuitous addition to the story that almost never arises. I think the idea was added to get some notoriety going. There is very little nudity, and no sex. Vampire purists and Hammer fans will also have a lot of fun with it.

Clerks II (Kevin Smith, 2006)

Alright. In yesterday's post I might have been a tad rough on Kevin Smith. I'm certainly not alone on the internet, as he is oh-so-willing to point out. I have a love/hate relationship with both Clerks and Clerks II.

I am going to get to the bad first. There are always an awful lot of assholes in Kevin Smith movies. Not the actors, necessarily, but the characters. I tend to not feel much sympathy for any of them. Even Dante Hicks, the hero of the story (so to speak) is often worthy of derision (less here than in the original Clerks).

However, the real world is also filled with assholes. Not you guys, obviously ;-) If I had to count the number of assholes I run into on a daily basis, I would have to use scientific notation. And I'll admit, I am quite the proficient asshole at times. This might be why I both love Kevin Smith's View Askew films, and hate most of the characters. Even though it is a cartoony world where drug dealers have a working Batman utility belt (Mallrats, 1995), Smith either does not candy-coat how dick-like people are, or he finds the behavior acceptable. Either way, it is important to see the flaws of characters and often easier to enjoy a character you don't like, such as Daniel Plainview (There Will be Blood, 2007) or Anton Chigurh (No Country for Old Men, 2007). Flaws help you suspend disbelief in other areas by not making the character too unbelievable. Dante and Randall could very well be real people. Not that I would particularly like either of them.

Back to the film. This was supposed to be the last huzzah for the View Askew characters. No more Dante or Randall. No more Jay, no Silent Bob. So far it has been true (though I do believe Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back was supposed to be the finale as well). This was in many ways a wrap up of the other films, with a suitable amount of fan service, View Askew stable mates like Ben Affleck and Jason Lee made appearances, and the less-than-dynamic duo finally grow up, sort of, in the end. The main additions to the cast are Elias (discussed yesterday) and Becky (Rosario Dawson). In the original Clerks, despite Dante's girlfriends making appearances it is really just Dante and Randall. Adding these two to the mix certainly kept it from just being a rehash. I like the cohesiveness with the previous films. Turning Mooby Burger (from Dogma, 1999) into the new workplace was fun. Having brief cameos by View Askew alumni was smart. Returning to the asshole topic, Jason Lee plays an old high school enemy, and while he is an asshole bad-guy, he is less of an asshole still than Randall.

If you are a Kevin Smith fan, you have likely seen this. If you are not, start with the original Clerks if you feel compelled. You can watch this as a stand alone, but it does call back to Smith's previous films. Like Star Trek VII: The Undiscovered Country, this one is for fans primarily. Of course, if you want to watch Rosario Dawson dancing in a tank top I could hardly blame you.

Shaved Bieber - So much promise, alas, it fails.

I first read about the Free Art & Technology's Firefox Add-On "Shaved Bieber" at Calvin's Canadian Cave of Coolness. As a concept I love it, but as an application, it is a bit flawed. Here is what it does:

We’ve developed a series of innovative tools to help cover the lower regions of web pages from unwanted Justin Bieber content. Shave away those Bieber mentions on web sites with our bookmarklet, Firefox Add-on, or JavaScript files.

In theory, this is great. A simple program that runs on spite alone. It doesn't stop you from going to Bieber heavy sites, but it blacks his name out as though he were part of some public release version of a government memo. In practice, however, it does something else. Here is how this blog looks without the "Shaved Bieber" Add-On:

And here is how it looks with the Add-On:


I am no expert, but it appears that the Add-On strips away style settings on many pages in order to enforce it's own style, i.e. any Bieber mention. They did this in the simplest possible way. Make text black, backgrounds white, and links the standard blue. It does not completely strip styles from everything. Colored text, like that in gold above, will keep their color, and the background masking will match. Link are blue. Simple formatting is unaffected, as in the Wikipedia Bieber entry:


Oh, yeah. It can block some images too. Nice.

As a piece of new media subversiveness I love the idea, though it only furthers Bieber's web importance that someone would go to these lengths to block his name and picture, but as "web performance art" (so to speak) it is interesting. Hopefully they will get some better developers on-board to fix some of the problems with regard to style.

If you want to get it, you must go here. This has not passed Mozilla muster, apparently, so install at your own risk. I doubt it is something dangerous. If some of the basic problems could be corrected I am sure Firefox would make it available. It is a laugh only at this point, and not something you'd want to run all the time.

Fiction's Finest Nerds #37

There are nerds, and then there are über nerds. Elias from Clerks II is one of cinema's finest examples of the über nerd. Elias is played by Trevor Fehrman, an actor with only six acting credits on the IMDb. Clerks II being the last.

Elias is obsessed with the Transformers, and its then upcoming film, and The Lord of the Rings trilogy. He is a virgin and comes from a strict religious background and believes his girlfriend has a "pussy troll" named Pillow-Pants that protects her from men's advances. Elias is Randall Graves' whipping boy, and bears the brunt of that character's misanthropy.

Elias is an excellent example of a nerd-on-nerd violence victim. He is outnumbered by Star Wars fans, and while Transformers and LotR are pretty lame in my book, he takes an extra helping of abuse. Randall and even Dante are at times the worst type of nerds, not noticing that their obsessions are just as stupid as differing obsessions. Ultimately you get the impression that Elias is gay, or is just trying so hard to fit in that he is the only one enjoying Dante's going away performance (if you have not seen the film, I won't spoil it here).

I am not a huge fan of Clerks II. I enjoy parts of it, but really think Kevin Smith was reaching too far into a tired subject here. Maybe he was out of creative gas, or he needed money to keep that not-so attractive wife happy, or maybe it was just ego or a lack of Twinkies^®? Who knows? What I can say is that after Clerks II, Trevor Fehrman never appeared in anything else. I don't think it was because the film was panned, but because he pulled the job off too well. Elias was an unfortunately believable character. The most believable in the film, and I imagine he comes to represent a lot of the nerd-abuse that is a prevalent but little discussed part of nerd/geek culture. Perhaps he played it too well to get work as anything but Elias, or maybe the View Askew guys turned him off from doing film work all together? (they were pretty nasty to Linda Fiorentino in Dogma) Frankly, I'd like to see him again, and if I were making a film I'd find him a part.

Sin City (Frank Miller, Robert Rodriguez, Quentin Tarantino, 2005)

I have mixed feelings about Frank Miller's work. First, I studied a bit of Greek history and I think it is shameful to leave all the gayness out of the Spartans in 300. The Spartans were institutionally gay. It wasn't that they were prone to it, necessarily, but they demanded it. Also, there was a lot of talk about the Spartan's love of freedom, yet the Helots (slaves) vastly outnumbered the free Spartans. Next, I was thinking about the whole abuse of the anti-hero in Miller's work after reading a review for Kick Ass at Krell Laboratories. But, I found Sin City for $4.99 and had never seen it, so I thought it worth a shot.

Now, I don't read comic books, so I have no idea how it compares, but I do find how the film dances around to the same spot a) comic book-like and b) well done. You get an idea that "The Man" (to use a blaxploitation term) is behind everything, but you never really see him. Well, not until the end. There were several "oh, it's her" moments, and "what's his name was here earlier" things going on. It definitely builds up to the finale. Well, the first finale. Either I missed something or there was a huge MacGuffin at the beginning and end. This is no spoiler. Josh Hartnett is a hitman who kills an unrelated (story-wise) woman in the beginning, and then kills a character that has some importance to the plot at the very end. That's all. No explanation.

The good points? There was a lot of great noir-styled dialogue. I'm sure it looked a lot like the comic book. The black-and-white with hints of color was interesting, and not overdone. Bruce Willis' character was engaging. Mickey Rourke did a nice job as Marvin. Brittany Murphy had one of the most energetic performances, playing the moll to a tee. There was also a lot of hotness to go around. The storyline about Old Town was interesting. It was the red light district, and the prostitutes kept their own protection. No pimps or mob to take their earnings, and no hassles from the police. It was like a licentious Themiscyra.

The bad points? I am not one who shies from cinematic violence, but it is taken to a Tom & Jerry level in this film, but is also inconsistent. Marvin (Rourke) gets hit by a car numerous times and walks away, only to be knocked unconscious by a blow to the head later. At times the story is a bit silly, and overly unbelievable. Noir is supposed to be out of the ordinary, with arch-criminals, proficient gangsters, and Dudley Do-Rights that are a little on the dark side, but things get a touch out of hand and certain plot elements move too quickly for realism. Noir needs some realism, as it is a genre that wants you to believe that the story is possible. Worst was probably the prosthetic makeup. It's one thing to make Mickey Rourke look like an Easter Island monolith, but then they put this weird nose on Benicio Del Toro... It was too distracting.

I found it watchable, and will likely view it again. Tas33 occasionally looked at the screen and made a face. She was not impressed.

Fan-Boy Icon #14

Well, we began this whole Fan-Boy Icon thing with the big man, Kurt Russell, so it is fitting that we hit the next best thing, Bruce Willis.

Willis has had some ups and downs in his career. Die Hard, Moonlighting, Death Becomes Her, The Last Boy Scout... Then Hudson Hawk, Look Who's Talking, Blind Date (all arguably good films, though). Willis was one of the big three of the 1980s along with Swarzeneggar and Stallone, and easily the most talented of those three. Willis plays the great tough guy, but was never the huge steroid fueled musclehead his two superiors were. Also, Willis has a natural talent for humour which makes his characters more appealing, much like Russell. Compare Hudson Hawk (whether you like it or not) to Kindergarten Cop or Rhinestone. Willis is easily the better actor. Also, because he was not the severe juicer like his compatriots he was more Batman than the other two, and therefore more likable. You never got the feeling that Willis could throw a car, but could give and take punishment based on will rather than a blood stream full of human growth hormone.

Willis' big return to stardom was hugely the creation of two directors: Quentin Tarantino and M. Night Shyamalan. Pulp Fiction (1994) and The Sixth Sense (1999) brought him to the fore in ways that Stallone and Swarzeneggar could only dream of. These were roles that demanded acting chops rather than gun wielding insanity. Am I saying Willis is the greatest actor of our generation? No, but compared to most action stars he is a serious thespian. Since his return, Willis seems to be firmly in the Tarantino/Rodriguez stable. With them he has appeared in Pulp Fiction, Four Rooms, Sin City, and Planet Terror.

These days I would say I have two favorite Bruce Willis films. The Last Boy Scout (1991) was a film about a down-and-out private investigator (Willis) and a down-and-out football star (Damon Wayans). The two join forces to find Wayan's girlfriend's killer. It is an odd couple film, as the two don't like each other, but it is far from goofy. Willis' Joe Hallenbeck is a shit talking, fearless, wise-ass. He's a tough guy, to be sure, but uses his smarts to catch opponents off guard. Second is M. Night Shyamalan's Unbreakable (2000) which has Willis as a security guard with unknown super powers. He is, virtually, indestructible and has a sense for evil. It is an interesting film and more dramatic than action-packed. Both of these are well worth watching.

Your Anime & Manga Recommendations!

Here are some suggestions from readers and Twitter peeps:

• @mickey_glitter - Azumanga Daioh FTW! =)
• @MiskatonicRich - Battle Royale! I love BR in all forms, novel, movie, and manga. Same guy wrote all versions.
• @Preternatural__ - Cowboy BeBop :)
• @Mark_Bruno - One of my favorites is Death Note. It's a fantastic supernatural thriller. I also love the film version of Vampire Hunter D.
• @shonrichards - I might be showing my age, but Project A-Ko is my favorite anime ever.
• @tas33 - Voltron!
• @knarfblack - I've only got a casual interest, but Paprika (film) and Uzumaki (manga) are worth checking out.
  

Nerd Girl(s) of Note #63

CLAMP is a group of all female manga artists formed in the early 1980s. I first became aware of them through xxxHolic, a manga about a teen who could see spirits. It was a little like the Jennifer Love Hugetits show Ghost Whisperer. Maybe a lot like it. Other notable works are Card Captor Sakura, Magic Knight Rayearth, Tokyo Babylon, Chobits, and Tsubasa.

xxxHolic deals with people's addictions. Or maybe their OCD mannerisms. People who are collectors, obsessive, overly mournful, among other things, come to Yūko's shop and she cures them, for a price. Yūko is a magical being, and not strictly good or evil... Watanuki (born on April Fool's Day) is the boy who can see spirits, and finds himself indentured to Yūko. He cooks and cleans for her, as well as helping her with clients. This manga often touches world's with Tsubasa, which has rebooted characters from other CLAMP works (particularly Card Captor Sakura).

"Oh no! It's the Dirty Pair!"

There have been several incarnations of The Lovely Angels, better known as The Dirty Pair. There was the original manga, television series, and movies, the Adam Warren comic book for Dark Horse, and Dirty Pair Flash (pictured right), a three season television series. Each has two things in common: Kei and Yuri.

Kei (red head) and Yuri (purple/blue hair) are an "odd couple" pair of intergalactic agents who work for the "World Welfare Works Association" or 3WA. Their codename is "The Lovely Angels" but because of the destruction left in their wake they are better known as "The Dirty Pair." This is not a nickname they like.

Now, I was always vaguely aware of the original Dirty Pair, but really learned to love them through Dirty Pair Flash, a reboot of the series. In Flash, a new Kei and Yuri appear, with very similar looks and personalities to the original, but it is made fairly clear that they are different people. In fact, it is hinted (if not actually stated) that they fight the original Yuri, who has changed sides. The show is a lot of fan service at times, mocking the characters or the sci-fi/anime genre. It does, however have some solid stories, and attempts at character growth are made. The new Kei is the more troubled of the two, as she tends to be more hardcore about her work, despite some lack of skill. Yuri is always interested in dates and clothes, but the work seems to come naturally to her.

The original Dirty Pair (pictured right) were less comical, though they had comical interchanges at times. For the most part, they were serious stories of espionage, particularly in films like Affair of Nolandia, Flight 005 Conspiracy, and Project Eden. They have elements that would be attractive to female viewers, and there is, from what I remember, a less overtly sexual nature to the characters. You might compare the original Dirty Pair to the adventure cartoons of the '70s and '80s, and Dirty Pair Flash to '90s and current cartoons. Totally Spies! comes to mind, though it is not quite that humor-based.

Fiction's Finest Nerds #36

Sashi from Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi is the ultimate otaku. He is obsessed with sci-fi, fantasy, gaming, and girls. The show, and related manga, pits Sashi and his friend Arumi against different worlds where the rules are based on the genre it is aping. Once they capture the goblin they are chasing it tries to send them home, but always screws up sending them to a new otaku world.

They do a great job of mocking all the great anime clichés. Below is a scene where they are in a sci-fi world that takes on shows like Voltron.

Battle Vixens, aka Ikki Tousen

Battle Vixens, the manga, or Ikki Tousen, the anime, is a retelling of The Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Here, the factions are various high schools, where students carry magatama, gems which denote rank, but also contain the soul of the character from the original which they represent.

In many ways it is a silly and rather dirty manga. It is not for kids, and ranges from borderline hentai (Wikipedia, but NSFW), to cheesecake. For the first several collections, it is a lot of fun, with some interesting characters, a funny and exciting story, and some interesting plot items. After, maybe collection eight, things get less appealing. There are a ton of characters to keep track of, and many of the names and nicknames are so similar it can be impossible to keep track. Early on I found myself keeping notes on who was who.

The main character is Hakufu Sonsaku. She is a seemingly talentless and low level warrior, and is without doubt vapid and stupid. She is, however, the chosen one, and destined to lead her school and end the war.

Here is the anime opening:

Fan-Boy Icon #13

Like I said, I don't care for a whole lot of anime, but I just barely consider the work of Haiyao Miyazaki to be anime. Sure, stylistically, it is anime, but it is deeper than most. Things are big and breathtaking, but not the eye pollution of explosions, cleavage, and camel-toe that is standard anime fare.

I have a hard time deciding on my favorite film. I have not seen all of Miyazaki's work. I have seen My Neighbor Totoro, Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, and a few others. Probably my favorite is the first I saw: Nausicaa, Valley of the Wind.

Like most of Miyazaki's films, this one deals with man's lust for war, and our disengagement with nature. Their world is polluted with spores that kill. The Valley of the Wind is protected by the ocean breezes that keep the spores away. Because of this natural boon, their land is desired by others. As often happens with Miyazaki, things are not as they appear.

All of his films are fantastical stories with heartwarming protagonists, and an understanding that evil is not always as it appears, and good is not either. You should check his films out. Princess Mononoke, Spirited Away, and Ponyo are likely the most accessible through normal renting channels.

Anime and Manga Week

I am not a huge fan of anime and manga, but what I do like, I tend to really like. Cowboy Bebop, The Dirty Pair, xxxHolic, and others are some of my favorites. I thought I'd take this week to highlight a handful of my favorites.

We'll kick things off with the best opening since Johnny Quest:

Weird Dream

I had a weird dream. The wife and I had to go to some conference for her work. In the dream it was in Las Vegas, but it was more like the conference we went to in San Antonio. She was away most of the time, so I was hanging out in the hotel.

The hotel manager of maybe concierge was John Larroquette, Dan from Night Court. He was behaving in a very creepy manner right off the bat. He was showing me their lounge, which had a Wii. I played the one game a few times, then started reading a D&D book. He offered me another D&D book, which was an older edition, and was offended when I was not interested. Then he asked how I liked the Wii game, and wanted me to fill out a survey. The name of the survey I recognized as a psychological profile battery, and when I asked if that was what it was he said no. I did not trust him, and refused.

I got a little uncomfortable and bored, so I wanted to see what else I could do. I looked out a window I saw a bar that was separate from the hotel, and decided to walk over to it. After ordering a beer, Larroquette arrived, complaining that if I wanted a beer, he would have gotten one for me.

More weirdness ensued. Someone in the bar sold me a suit that did not fit. Then I could see back at the hotel some people were interviewing Jim Brown, former Cleveland Brown runningback. I wanted to tell him that my Grandfather met him the week before he died, and it was the happiest day of his life. This is bizarre, because my Grandfather a) hated professional athletes, and b) was a pretty severe racist. I either could not, or decided against approaching Mr. Brown.

The wife showed up, and I explained how creepily John Larroquette was acting. I can't remember her reaction, but apparently we were leaving soon and I should ignore him.

We get home, and the guy who sold me a suit in the bar showed up with a huge moving truck full of suits. All the same size, and not my size. The wife explained that they would not fit. The guy must have insulted her, because she left. I went looking for her, and could find her nowhere. I had no evidence, but I was sure John Larroquette had killed her. Then the dream ended suddenly, except that I was sure that it ended because he had killed me too. I guess you don't die in dreams, even if you know you do.

Weird.

Zartan Zaturday!

GI Joe and I have a weird relationship. When I was young, GI Joe was twelve inches tall and had the Kung-Fu grip. By the time the GI Joe cartoon show came around I was more interested in other things... Like late night Cinemax. Sue me. I was 15. Also, I was staunchly anti-Reagan in those days (still am), and GI Joe was a bit too jingoistic for me. It wasn't until I was older that I realized what was fun about the show. As usual, it's all about the bad guys.

My main interaction with Zartan is from GI Joe: The Rise of Cobra, as portrayed by Arnold Vosloo. I am a fan of Vosloo. He needs to be in more stuff. He was great as Imhotep in The Mummy, as a Darklighter on Charmed, and rocked as Zartan.


That's him, on the right. "Don't pay attention to me. I'm not dangerous... Keep your eyes on the hottie with the guns."
For me, Zartan was the slimiest of villains. He was always ready to screw over a buddy to get what he wants, and Vosloo did a great job with that. Sure, he did not have powers to change his appearance like the cartoon version, but he had that smooth criminal thing going on, and he never let Destro and Cobra Commander know he was going to screw them over until it was too late. Also, if I remember correctly, he used a knife to kill Covergirl. Like they said in Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, "Guns for show, knives for the pro." That, my friends, is how it's done.

Nerd Girl(s) of Note #62 - "I Hit It with my Axe" Edition.

I mentioned this a few weeks back with NGoN #59, Satine Phoenix that I have been watching the weekly installments of I Hit It with My Axe at Escapist. Here are the other regular players. I am not 100% sure I have all the classes right, but am guessing. Please feel free to correct me.

First up: Mandy Morbid. Her Twitter profile reveals:

I'm Mandy--a nude model and very very occasional adult performer based in L.A. My boobs ARE real so stop fucking asking already.

Mandy and I have something in common at ye olde D&D table. We get stuck with the less than glamorous job of playing the cleric. It is a thankless role, particularly in anything prior to fourth edition. Mandy also seems to be the group's chronicler, and often got the job of explaining certain things to Sasha Grey, who was not previously a player.

Next: Kimberly Kane. Her Twitter profile reveals:

Kimberly Kane is a performer, director & photographer in the Adult film industry based in Los Angeles. She recently won Best Actress at 2010 AVN Awards.

I asked KK about her character on Twitter. She plays a cursed half-elf barbarian. I think her rages come with the threat of werewolf transformation, which is bad news for the monsters, but also for the party. If I had to guess, the show's title comes from her playing style, as hitting it with her axe is often step one, and why shouldn't it be?

Rounding out the regulars are Connie, who when asked what she does for a living said, "dance naked," and Frankie, a hair dresser. I am not sure what Connie plays, but she mentions a halfling... Frankie seems to be a dark elf thief (rogue for you youngsters); perhaps a drow...? They are doing a home-brew.

What I enjoy about the show is that it is only gimicky on the surface. Yes, it is D&D with porn stars, but they are also players. These do not appear to be five girls who are pretending to play D&D in order to give nerd guys like me a chubby. There is nothing overtly sexy about the show. It is not porno D&D, and nobody is making out. Each episode is about ten minutes, and everyone at the table will (if you are an RPG person) remind you of someone you've played with. It's fun; a concentrated look at a D&D session with just the best and/or most embarrassing moments.

As of this posting there are eight episodes. Numbers one though seven feature Sasha Grey as the guest player, and episode eight features Justine Joli. Not sure how many episodes she will be in. If you've not given the show a watch, try on Episode 1.

Iron Man 2 (Jon Favreau, 2010)

Possibly the most anticipated movie this year (thus far) was Iron Man 2, which I finally saw last night. I really enjoyed the first film, and have not disliked a Robert Downey Jr. movie in a long time (even The Soloist). Needless to say, I wanted to see it.

Unfortunately, the movie left me a little flat.

Don't get me wrong. It was a lot of fun and it had a lot of great stuff going on. Particularly Sam Rockwell and Mickey Rourke, whose respective horns I hate to blow because everyone is so in love with them lately. I like them both, I just always feel uncomfortable riding the bandwagon.

Rockwell plays Justin Hammer. He's a bit of a spaz, and has it out for Tony Stark. Stark is a complete dick to him, but Hammer is a dick as well. Rockwell conjures up a bit of Eric Knox (Charlie's Angels, McG, 2000) as the techie bad guy who apes James Brown dance moves. He's more obnoxious as Hammer, who is the nerd trying to be a tool, where Knox was a tool pretending to be a nerd.

Rourke's Ivan Vanko (Whiplash? Crimson Dynamo?) was an odd character, as he was an ass-kicking physicist with obvious mob connections (fans of Eastern Promises will note the tattoos). He is oddly reminiscent of the first Iron Man film, in that he builds his suit with mundane technology. He's not in some Afgan cave, but rather a Russian slum, working with what is available.

Third favorite performance: Jon Favreau as Happy Hogan, Tony Stark's gentleman's gentleman. He plays the classic goofy sidekick that looks tougher than he is, but makes up for a lot with fearlessness and devotion. It is a classic character type, and Favreau does great work with it.

Disappointments? Sure. I found Scarlett Johansson's Black Widow to be little more than diabetic eye candy. She definitely had some hotness, but the character was poorly used, perhaps. The other problem, a big one, was that the story seemed to make Tony Stark's power cell responsible for his bodily power. Like he was running off the cell. In the first movie, the main reason for the cell was to power the electromagnet protecting his heart from shrapnel. They seemed to have replaced this by making Stark a sort or Elric character and the power cell is his Stormbringer. It bothered me, a lot.

All-in-all, it is a fun movie, and likely worthy of big screen viewing. If you liked the first one, then suspend some disbelief and give it a watch. Fortunately, it is not a rehash of the first film. I am not familiar with the comics, so I don't know/care how close to cannon it is. It is fun, even if it drags here and there.

Oh, and watch through the credits. They always do something at the very end. ;-)

Frank Frazetta Dead at 82?

I have no idea if this is true, but it appears that the godfather of fantasy art, Frank Frazetta, died today.

If you are not familiar with Frazetta's art, it is only because you don't know the name. There is no fantasy art that does not owe him some credit. He was a fantastic painter, and creator of some of fantasy's most iconic images. I dare say, without checking, that the image we have of Conan and Tarzan are all derived from his work.

I always loved Frazetta's paintings. There was a great deal of energy to them, and while his figures were idealized, they were also achievable human forms. Artists like Ken Kelly, Mike Hoffman and Frank Cho owe him a real debt, as do fantasy publishers since we all know that covers sell books just as well as authors and stories, particularly in the pulp realm.

Here are a few favorites of mine.

Okey. I take it all back. Almost.

So, after being pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed The Phantom Menace last week, the wife and I sat down to watch Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. I would love to tell you that I had changed my mind about these too, but unfortunately cannot.

Attack of the Clones is so very full of holes, I am not sure where to begin. Wait, yes I do. With those cloning assholes. They have a secret planet that is not on any maps, and you have to know how to get there to even get there (didn't they have a planetary cloaking device or something?), yet when an unknown Jedi arrives who apparently has no idea what the fuck is going on, they spill the beans. Not just "we are making a clone army" but "here is where we are making them, and how, and who we copied. Are there any other questions? Sleep with my sister perhaps?" Anybody that is that security conscious is going to have pass phrases, a secret handshake, something when it comes to divulging information. Hasn't George Lucas ever seen a mob movie? Does his dictionary only have a partial definition of "clandestine?" I won't even go into the whole Boba Fett thing. You know my feelings on Boba. If people were all into Jango Fett, that I could get behind. He practically kicked Obi-Wan Kenobi's ass... and Obi-Wan is the baddest Jedi in the three films.

The big downer, however, is Revenge of the Sith. It was so clumsy, when it had so much potential. Anakin Skywalker changed sides so easily. Too easily.

"I must turn you into the Jedi Counsel."
"I can save your baby-momma."
"Okey, where do I sign?"

There were even some great elements that could have been used. Palpatine was so subtle in his sliminess, but ultimately the script was ham-fisted. There was just so much waste in this film. The only great part for me was that it was all Obi-Wan, kicking ass and taking names. He killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille ;-), and he wore Darth Vader's ass out. Obi-Wan's rage at Anakin/Vader was the only real saving point for the story. It helps explain why Alec Guiness' Obi-Wan did not kill Darth Vader. It wasn't that he could not, but that he had to let things play out with Luke. "You were like my brother" and "you were supposed to be the chosen one" are the only lines I really remember from the film. It really is a shame that it did not turn out better.

Bottom line, I think, is that these two were more romance (in the classical sense) than fairy tale. The problem is, romance does not fill seats. Dogfights and wookie battles do. Had they taken up less time with spectacular fights, and given it over to character development it would have been a better pair of stories. I don't know that they'd be better movies, but story-wise it would have improved things greatly.

Nerd Girl of Note #61

Not too much to say here, except that I like Michelle Rodriguez. She was an alcoholic, killer cop on Lost, and an alcoholic in real life. Not sure if she's an alcoholic or a drunk... Alcoholics have to go to those damn meetings. She is going to be in Machete with an eye patch and a bikini top, toting the two gun rig. What could be better?

I think I like her because of her Boris Karloff eyes. Maybe because she seems like a latina Joan Jett, or perhaps Sasha Grey's bad-ass sister? Who knows? All I can say is, her being in Machete finally sold me on it. Should be a good time.

Hera! Give me Shelf!