Nerd Girl of Note #73

She sort of dropped of my radar for a bit, despite fairly steady work since 1982, Jennifer Connely has Nerd Girl cred. She was "Jenny" in The Rocketeer,"Betty Ross" in Hulk. There was Mulholland Falls, Waking the Dead, Blood Diamond, Dark Water, The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008 remake, obviously), and several others. Her most famous role was one of her earliest.

Labyrinth is the story of a young girl, Sarah, who wishes that her little brother would be stolen by the Goblin King. Oddly enough her wish comes true. Regretting this, Sarah travels to rescue her brother and must traverse the Goblin King's Labyrinth. Along the way she meets up with the strange inhabitants, most of which aid her on her quest. The films is directed by Jim Henson, and makes excellent use of Muppet-Based Technology© to bring the story to life. It is very kid friendly, while remaining an enjoyable film for most any age (one of Henson's greatest skills).

Ilsa: the Wicked Warden (Jesus Franco, 1977)

AKA Greta the Butcher

The Ilsa films have a reputation. They are fairly early, and lastingly notorious, torture porn. There is an inherent cruelty to them which one cannot avoid when planning to watch or discuss them. Ilsa: the Wicked Warden has a particularly strong effect on people, and is often considered, even by me, to be the most dreadful of the three easily available films. My attitude has changed a bit with my most recent viewing.

The biggest difference is with the story. The first two are pretty simple:

• Ilsa: She-Wolf of the S.S. has Ilsa running a camp/research facility. She is trying to prove that women are stronger than men in an effort to win the war for Nazi Germany. She cannot be sexually satisfied, until she meets a prisoner who is either priapic or has a Sting-like ability to retain an erection.
• Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks has Ilsa in command of the harem of, you guessed it, an oil sheik. The sheik is blackmailing the West. The Americans are out to stop him. Again, thwart the menace by banging Ilsa into a coma with a big American dick.

This film has, believe it or not, a slightly more complicated story.

Ilsa, or Greta if you prefer, runs an insane asylum for women with sexual disorders of the kind typical of Third World diagnosis. You know, enjoying sex, ability to have an orgasm, infidelity. The really bad ones. [/sarcasm] The asylum is, however, a front. Some of the prisoners are (in typical WIP fashion) the girlfriends of wanted men or in this case, revolutionaries. The sister of a girl who was captured decides to enter the asylum under false charges in order to find her. The other thing Ilsa is doing is making porn films. Torture porn (real torture porn), snuff films, and rape movies. They sell these to earn extra money, and occasionally use them as blackmail.

An initially annoying, yet interesting feature, is how Franco likes to place items between the camera and Thorne. In the beginning she is in the bath with a clear shower curtain before her, in an office scene she is partially obscured by a desk fan, and in a later sex scene there is a tumbler obscuring the action. It is possible that Franco is bringing us into the scene, but it is also possible he is softening Thorne's features. Dyanne was 45-ish at this time, and while a beautiful woman, has never been young looking. She is showing her age in this film. Her hands and legs are obviously those of a middle-aged woman, yet her build is still phenomenal. In her major seduction scene the room is bathed in red light, and there is an extremely soft focus for the first several minutes. When I say "extremely," I mean it.

Then all of a sudden everything is clear for a bit. If it is a way to obscure Thorne's age, it is done very artfully. Ilsa rises quickly from the bed, and that is the moment the focus goes sharp. She is ready to reap the spoils of her seduction and the change in focus seems to shout this. I am no film student, but that is the effect it had on me.

On the subject of Dyanne Thorne, I have always enjoyed her as an actress. She's done an episode of Star Trek, as well as other films like Chesty Anderson USN. She may not be a great actress, but the most striking thing is that she is a face actress.

No one does the crazy eyes like Dyanne. Also, her face is almost always in motion, be it her eyes, mouth or angle of the head. It is easy in exploitation to be "tits on a stick" regurgitating lines, or to just convey the appearance of sexuality or fear. Thorne, in all her roles, uses her face a bit like silent film stars did; she conveys intent with her face when speaking, as well as when she is not.

Despite the softening effect Franco seems to use to mask her age (if that was his true intent), he also understands that Thorne is expressive in a classic style. I am not directly comparing her, but she has a style similar to Lugosi, Price or Lorre. I really think someone made a mistake not ever casting her as a vampire.

A criticism of the film, or rather of Franco, is that he made the film as an excuse to feature Lina Romay. I think this is rather silly, as Franco always featured Romay once they were an item, and she does not really take the lead. She is, among the prisoners, Head Bitch In Charge. She is "Charlie" from Reform School Girls (Wendy O. Williams) or "Alabama" from Women in Cages (Pam Grier). Romay is there to harass the good-girl, and suck up to the warden. This is a change of sorts for the Ilsa films, but Wicked Warden is a truer WIP film than the others. Like all good WIP films, the warden is like Dracula. Dracula is not in every scene, and he's not the hero, but he shows up when it is important, fucks some people up, and leaves. The hero is the good-girl, and the good-girl always has to contend with the HBIC.

To close I'll say, if this film has scared you off, I completely understand. However, if you like the other Ilsa movies you should see this one. I think it is more disturbing than its predecessors because it is not as graphic. Many of Ilsa's techniques are more devious than simple beatings and vivisection. They are more classically Sadean. Another aspect is that unlike the previous films there is no abuse against men, so the torturous parts seem more misogynistic, however I'd say it is no more so than other WIP films. Ultimately, I think it is the smartest of the three. I'm not sure it is better than Ilsa: She-Wolf of the S.S., but it is a close second.

Short Movie Reviews

The Gore Gore Girls by Herschel Gordon Lewis is an oddity. The volume of ridiculous violence is high, the skill and attractiveness of most of the strippers is low. The acting is fair to poor, but the script is remarkably good, considering. For all its faults (and it has a lot of them) this is one of those low budget films that really tries. Lewis is not just churning out a piece of crap with a lot of gore and titties. Yes, gore and titties are the big selling points, but many aspects of the production far exceed the constraints of the low-B movie at the time.

Verdict: Tough call. You need to want to watch it, perhaps because it is a "classic."

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest has a ton of stars. Nicholson stars as a prison inmate moved to an insane asylum. He begins to wage war against the stagnation of the other patients and the inflexibility of the staff. This film is in many ways the one that gives Nicholson his reputation for always playing nuts, but here he is more on point than in some lesser films. This is also the first film to feature Whiteplume residence favorite Brad Dourif as Billy Bibbit, a troubled young man with self-injurious tendencies brought on by his uncomfortable relationship with women.

Verdict: Excellent. See it.

The Last Detail has Jack Nicholson as a career Navy man tasked to transport a young Randy Quaid to the Brigg in Portsmouth for attempting to steal $40 from the commander's wife's favorite charity. His sentence is eight years and a dishonorable discharge. "Bad Ass" (Nicholson) and his partner "Mule" begin to feel sorry for their young charge and decide to show him a good time. This is a good mix of comedy and tragedy. Nicholson is playing Nicholson, but this comes in the middle of a very good time for his career, almost dead between Easy Rider and The Shining.

Verdict: Very good film.

Inglorious Basterds is an espionage film. Sure, it looks like a gross-out fest, particularly with the inclusion of Eli Roth, but to be fair, the "Basterds" hardly appear in the film at all. To put it in another WWII context, think of it as The Great Escape. A large cast of characters with a lot going on, yet all have a similar goal. As Tenebrous Kate put it some time ago, this is a "talky film." It is in German, French, Italian, and has a smattering of English. It is far from the blood and guts extravaganza you were sold in the trailers, but is a very worthwhile watch. It is a smart film where the action is just icing on the cake. (Blu-Ray)

Verdict: Not what I expected, but very well done.

Female Vampire is an ode to a naked Lina Romay. Lina has four costumes in this film; cape, belt and thigh-high boots; macrame sundress with a 10% opacity; black dress with translucent breast coverage; her birthday suit. The story is a little non-existent. We have a vampire that attacks via oral sex, a weirdo who wants to become a vampire (or just to die, maybe), and a coroner whose first diagnosis is "vampire attack." If you can find the deep meaning in this one, I am more than willing to listen. (DVD)

Verdict: If you need yet another avenue to see Lina Romay naked, this is your film.

Rent - I gotta say, I did not get into this. It has some of my favorite people in it, and features Rosario Dawson as a junkie stripper. You'd think that would be enough, wouldn't you? Rent is fairly preachy, and seems to want to be Hair. The songs are like when Family Guy makes fun of Randy Newman. There's a lot of "I'm a recovering herione addict and I have HIV" songs, as well as a jaunty little number about a transvestite who kills a dog for a thousand dollars. Everyone he's singing to loves it. I'd have thrown him the fuck out my squatted crib. I did watch the five minutes where Sarah Silverman appears, and it was hardly worth the effort. (DVD)

Verdict: A little self-indulgent, and a decade late.

A Virgin Among the Living Dead by Jess Franco (aka Christine, Princess of Eroticism or Une Vierge Chez Les Morts Vivants) is proving to be one of my favorite films by the maestro. It is a haunting, trippy kind of vampire/zombie/ghoul/ghost movie. A young girl, Christine (Christina von Blanc), who has never known her family, goes to her ancestral home after the death of her father. In typical fashion, the locals are scared of the place and warn that "no one lives there." Put the accent on "lives" for the dramatic irony. She quickly discovers just how wacko her extended family is. This is shot nicely, and while the acting is fair, and the Foley work is poor, it could be far worse. It is kind of like a haunted house. You know something creepy is around the corner, but you still get a jolt from it. (DVD)

Verdict: Great for fans of creepy films.

Blogger or Tumblr?

As some of you might know, I am a Tumblr user aside from this, my main blog. I started Adventures in Nerdliness almost two years ago and it is my primary channel for serious output. I do, however, have a dilemma.

You know when people say "my blog is for me, not for you" here and there? That is a half truth for me. Yes, I want to blog about whatever I want to blog about, but I also desire a readership. I want to post things that I think you, dear reader, will want to read. This is not a jab at any bloggers, believe me. If anything, it is an acknowledgment of my insecurities and desire to be loved. LOVE ME! :-D

Anyway. I think Blogger and Tumblr are completely different media. Blogger is more format friendly. I do a lot of HTML/CSS setting in my posts in order to make a post look like I want it to look. On Tumblr, these settings are ignored. If I just want to post a picture of Vanessa Ferlito, I go with Tumblr. I could just post a picture here, but to me Blogger demands words.

The other big difference is in feedback. Tumblr is an egotist's delight/torment. If you like my post, just click the heart, or even reblog it. Instant gratification. However, when a post does not show any likes/reblogs it can be infuriating, particularly if the post was what I consider to be a good one. Blogger often feels heavy where feedback is concerned. You have to click the link, and think of what to say, and if you use a reader you have to actually go to the blog... The feedback is often more substantial, however and I often learn things from your comments. I am by no means an expert on anything I blog about.

I have considered adding the "what did you think of this post?" buttons, but frankly I have yet to see a blog using those. On blogger I guess it feels cheap?

Well, i still enjoy Adventures in Nerdliness. I know I have gotten off track a bit with all the Jess Franco and other movie reviews. Maybe it is a phase? If you are interested in my Tumblr, I actually have a few which can be accessed through the main one, Tumbling in Nerdliness.

Oh yeah! Got some giveaways coming up. Hereis what's on the block:

1. That Blu-Ray of SGU 1.5 I reviewed yesterday.
2. A set of DC heroes with Captain Marvel, Black Adam, and Mary Marvel.
3. Last, but not least, a set of DC heroes with many of the Teen Titans and their enemies. Robin (Tim Drake version), Raven, and Cyborg are in the set.

So, keep an eye out for those, likely in that order. I'll just have to think of a way to determine the recipient.

People I am a little tired of...

I have not done a negative post for a while, so here goes.

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Michael Cera: I don't know why. Between his character being kind of a dick in Juno and his hanging out with the Jersey Shore cast, be it ironic or not, I just don't have much mental time for him. I don't plan on seeing Scott Pilgrim, if you were wondering.

Make mine Jessie Eisenberg

Raquel Welch: I hate to say it, but one of my earliest crushes has completely put me off. The divine Ms. Welch of yesterday is now the conservative retard Ms. Welch to me now. Ever since her little appearance on the B1ll 0'Reilley show, I just don't get it up for her like I used to.

Make mine Sophia Loren

Megan Fox: No change there. She does nothing for me.

Make mine Angelina Jolie

Brooke Hogan: While she is not around so much anymore, she makes me throw up a little whenever I hear her political views. What a waste of a great body.

Make mine... I guess any big blonde who isn't annoying. We have some of those, right?

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Well, that's all for now. I hate that more women made the list than men, but frankly I pay more attention to women. Larger sample, stronger results I guess.

A Virgin Among the Living Dead (Jess Franco, 1973)

AKA Christine, Princess of Eroticism, AKA Une Vierge Chez les Morts Vivants

This tale from Jess Franco, with a sequence by Jean Rollin, is possibly my favorite of Franco's films. I bet I have said that about other entries, but as my exposure to Uncle Jess grows my horizons broaden in kind.

This is the story of Christine Benson (Christina von Blanc, The Dead are Alive), a young girl who has never known her family as she was sent to boarding schools at a young age. When her father dies, she is recalled to her ancestral home for the reading of the will and to meet her extended family. Guess what? They are nuts. Worse than nuts, in fact. They are a cabal (if you will) of the living dead.


Christine learns quickly that things are not normal. She can't quite put her finger on what, and it is hard to blame her. The family does not conform to most of the standard definitions of "the living dead." Are they vampires? Ghouls? Ghosts? What about zombies? It is hard to tell.

The family is comprised of her uncle Howard (Howard Vernon), aunt Abigail (Rosa Palomar), Carmencé (Britt Nichols, Mark of the Devil 4, The Demons, La Fille de Dracula), Linda (Linda Hastreiter) a blind servant, and Basillo (Jess Franco) a mute and/or mentally handicapped man-servant. Christine quickly learns that the entire area is full of weirdos, all in the thrall of "The Queen of the Night" (Anne Libert, La Fille de Dracula, Q, Lovers of Devil's Island). It is The Queen of the Night, apparently, that sent for Christine. She has already taken her father (Franco regular, Paul Muller), and wants the girl as well.

From a cinematographic standpoint, this film is beautiful. Franco's penchant for the "zoom in to create tension" is either more conservative than usual or more effectively executed. The locations are impressive and are used to great advantage.

The most interesting characters, or perhaps portrayals, are Carmencé and Linda. I wish there had been some expansion of their relationship, as Carmencé feeds off of Linda. Linda is blind and knows the secrets of the family. She is not a willing member of the group, and is likely not undead. She attempts to warn Christine from staying with the family. Carmencé is played nicely by Britt Nichols (pictured right), who has this beautiful evil Bond Girl quality. She is constantly smoking, though she does not appear to enjoy it, and oozes sexuality. If she has more clothes than the tiny robe she wears, I don't remember them. Carmencé is also the first to show Christine that there is something very wrong with the family, as the young girl accidentally finds Carmencé cutting Linda and feasting on the blood.

If you like a good, creepy horror movie, then you should check this one out. The pacing is good, and the story is surprisingly cohesive for a Franco film. The Image Entertainment DVD has soundtracks in French and English. The French sound quality is better, but I think you get more from the film's visuals when you do not have to read the subtitles. Of course, if you speak French... all the better.

Stargate Universe SG-U 1.5 Blu-Ray Review

Alright, I am not a Stargate fan. I don't dislike it, but it was always just off my radar. Long time readers will know I am typically ten years behind what is currently Geek Chic. That being said, I have a review copy of Stargate Universe 1.5, and will do my best to provide a non-fan view of things. The set contains three discs. Retail is $39.99 USD, or $29.99 on Amazon. This, apparently, went on sale Tuesday 27JUL2010.

Initially, the Blu-Ray looks pretty good. It has kind of a creepy element, winding through hallways as the menus are displayed. The text in the pop-up menus is a little small, but I find this to be a fault of most Blu-Ray discs I have viewed and not one specific to this set. The look of the show is quite good as well. It does not have the green-screen look of other sci-fi shows, and has a sort of dark future Star Trek feel with actual constructed sets.

Being unfamiliar with the show, I felt a little "dropped in" on the first episode. This set follows, I assume, Stargate Universe SG-U 1.0, and there is a fairly comprehensive "previously on Lost" intro to let you know where things are going, if not completely where they have been. From a newbie point of view the show has more in relation to Lost or Star Trek Voyager than what I know as Stargate. There is a ship full of people trying to get back to Earth, with groups aligned by their skill sets. There is a military faction, a scientific faction, and the IT nerds. The "others" are the various alien species they meet, and getting "off the island" involves finding some secret that will guide the ship home.

In all, this set contains ten episodes. Each disc has a set of interviews and behind the scenes videos. Disc 3 has a survival game where you watch a video and make selections according to the action. To be honest, I did not understand the game. You are presented with two choices at various intervals, but it is not always clear who is taking said action. It is, however, very cool looking. To be fair, I was never any good at Dragon's Lair either.

Nerd Girl of Note #72

I try, on occasion, to pick a Nerd Girl of Note that my wife approves of. Not that she necessarily disapproves of many, but I don't always pick women that she really likes. I am hoping Halle Berry is on her good list.

Berry has been around the block, role-wise. Some of her Nerd Girl qualifying roles include Storm in the X-Men films, Jinx Johnson in Die another Day, Patience Phillips/Catwoman in the much maligned 2004 film, and Miranda Grey in Gothika. She won the Best Actress Academy Award for her role as Leticia Musgrove in Monster's Ball (2001).

I have to talk about Catwoman for a bit. This movie took a lot of flack because it took an iconic character and changed most everything except the name and the ears. Oh, and the whip. We are talking about a character that immortalized Julie Newmar, Lee Meriweather, Eartha Kitt, and Michelle Pfeiffer. She is one of Batman's oldest nemesis, and here we have a movie with no Batman. Period. People could not stand this idea, it seems. Personally, I liked the movie. It was not great, but up until recently, most super hero movies were not either.

I think Berry's least fortunate big-time role was that of Storm in the X-Men films. They did not give Storm much to do in the second two films. It was primarily the "Wolverine and Jean Grey show," which makes sense as that is how the comic has always leaned (from an outsiders perspective, that is). I think they were smart to get Berry, and she was smart to take the role, but I feel like they just decided they would make fans happy by not making the wrong casting choice. They needed a big name, light-skinned black woman to play the only black X-Men member. Who else were they going to choose?

Short Movie Reviews

Psychopathia Sexualis is a series of vignettes based on the studies of 19th Century psychoanalyst Richard von Krafft-Ebing and his catalogue of sexual depravity. It sounds like a dirty movie, and it does have its moments, but is remarkably non-titillating. There is very little nudity, and very little of anything graphic. The story follows several characters through various stages of treatment. It ends, primarily, with the story of Lydia, an aging lesbian tutor, and Annabel, her student who falls in love with her. It is a rather touching little story, and quite sad in the way Lydia is treated. The cinematography is very nice, the acting is fair to good. It is a good movie to watch when there is nothing to do and you are not up to a lot of emotional investment in a film.

Verdict: Interesting and semi-informative.

Blood for Dracula is another "Andy Warhol Presents" by Paul Morrissey. Udo Kier is the decaying Count Dracula who must flee Romania because he has exhausted the virgin supply. They go to Italy, because all Catholic girls are virgins, right? This movie is so spoofy-feeling it is hard to believe Morrissey meant it to be straight. These Eurosleaze fests are definitely not for everyone, but I love it. Udo Kier is like Daffy Duck in this one, and his "Renfield" is so uncomfortable. There is a socialist undercurrent to the film, where Dracula doesn't necessarily need to die because he's a vampire, but because he's an aristocrat. If you like silly, strange horror movies you owe it to yourself to watch a bit of this one.

Verdict: Crazy good, or crazy bad? Who cares, it is CRAZY!

Cash Back involves an art student whose girlfriend dumps him and he sinks into a depression that prevents him from sleeping. As long as he has an extra eight hours in his day he decides to take a night job at a supermarket. This movie starts strong, but falls apart a bit in the middle. If they'd trim it closer to an hour things might have improved. It has its funny moments. There is quite a bit of semi-gratuitous nudity, including British bombshell Keeley Hazell. Unlike most films this one actually ends nicely, it just has some trouble getting there. It seems the producers were confused. Is it a sex comedy? A screwball comedy? A romantic comedy? A surrealist look at the nature of man? Ultimately it is a romantic comedy, but then they throw tits at you and you feel confused.

Verdict: Enjoyable, if a bit disjointed.

Slumdog Millionaire is a tragic look at the Indian underworld. It is far from the feel-good movie it was sold as. It is a bit like The Usual Suspects in style, with a touch of Oliver Twist. The good generally outweighs the bad. It is an engaging story, and I don't mind telling you I got a little teary at the end. (DVD)

Verdict: Good, despite a few flaws.

Oliver! is the musical adaptation of Charles Dickens' Oliver Twist. I mostly watched this because I love the book, I wanted to see Oliver Reed as Bill Sikes, and Slumdog Millionaire was so like Oliver Twist. I am not generally a fan of musicals, but this one is pretty fun. It is mostly true to the source material. Fagin is less of a monster than he should be, but they do expand Bill Sikes' malevolence which balances things. Watching this one really points out the similarities in Slumdog Millionaire, as Victorian London is nearly as awful as modern India, though it is played down a bit in this happier film.

Verdict: Good for musical fans or Dickens enthusiasts.

Career Opportunities is a John Hughes film that is part grown-up Breakfast Club and part screwy crime comedy. Jim is the town liar who cannot keep a job. Josie is the town boss' daughter. Both are out of high school but on hold. Neither feels they have a future. Jim begins working at Target as the night janitor, and Josie is there to shoplift and get caught, but chickens out. They start messing around in the store, but are confronted by some wanted criminals who break in on their fun.

Verdict: Fun, if occasionally stupid.

Diabolique is a story of murder by Henri-Georges Clouzot. Michel is a douche-bag. His wife and mistress team-up to rid the world of him. Why? Well, the wife is the one with the money, and Michel has indicated that he hopes to do his wife in. The two run a boarding school in Paris, and the mistress is one of the teachers. On a holiday weekend they do the deed with a quite sensible plan to cover up their crime.

Verdict: Interesting, particularly if you don't mind subtitles (or speak French).

The Big Lebowski - what can I say that has not been said? This movie has perhaps surpassed Monty Python & the Holy Grail as the most nerd-quoted film in history. It is a great absurdist take on the film noir genre. It is smart and funny, and has very few slow moments. The entire film is a red herring, much like Chandler's The Big Sleep, the ultimate conclusion has nothing to do with anything the characters are initially interested in. If you've not seen this, really, do it.

Verdict: Great film, or greatest film?

Bad Girls from Mars by Fred Olen Ray is a low budget titty movie. It "stars" Edy Meyer (Beyond the Valley of the Dolls). Edy was the only reason I wanted to watch this, but unfortunately she has none of the fire she was famous for there. She looks good for her age, but is no longer the girl who said, "I'd like to strap you on sometime." This is not, by the way, a sci-fi movie. It is a movie about making a sci-fi movie where a killer is on the loose.

Verdict: If you've ever seen a Brinke Stevens movie you have seen this one.

Women Behind Bars features Franco muse Lina Romay. Franco calls this the favorite of his Women in Prison films, though he declares he does not like the genre. That makes sense as this film breaks most of the Cardinal rules of WIP. It is more of a thriller, actually. It has plenty of the necessary aspects, but considering Quentin Tarrantino says WIP is the most inflexible formulas, the serious breaks Franco makes almost removes the film from the genre, but not entirely. You can read more specifics at my Franco-Phile Tumblr here. (DVD)

Verdict: I liked it.

WIP Wednesday: "Women Behind Bars" (Jesus Franco, 1975)

This entry in Jess Franco's Women in Prison films is rather odd. It follows most of the WIP rules:

• A woman who is not a hardened criminal goes to prison and is out of her element.
• Woman is befriended by inmate who is down with the warden or head matron. Said inmate is played against her.
• Short blouses and no pants.
• A rapey warden
• Sadistic guards
• Catfights
• Everyone sleeps naked
• Whippings
• Genital torture

All is well so far.

The odd part is that there are very few inmates, and no cliques. Also, most disheartening, no shower scene. That's not to say it was not oozing with nudity, but the shower scene fight which pits the heroine against her main adversary is to WIP films as inexplicable explosions are to Michael Bay's.

At its heart, this film is a spy/thief movie. There are double crosses, and double-double crosses. The prison is just a plot devise. It could have been several women being held prisoner by a drug lord or arms dealer. Making it a prison just lets the screenwriter glaze over the why of the incarceration, and it lets the producers enter their film into the more lucrative WIP market. Audiences know what they are getting from WIP, and most of them want to see a lot of naked chicks, and at least a few of them getting beaten or tortured.

All in all I liked this one. It isn't great, but I never lost interest in it. Franco leaves another staple out, the sadistic matron, who appears in the film and looks like hell on wheels, but really gets about two minutes of screen time.

Lina Romay and Martine Stedil are both very good in it. When they are in their cell, they look like they are just resting as a normal person might, albeit naked, instead of their cell looking like a spread in Hustler. If the Women in Prison genre turns you off, this is likely a good entry. It is not overly gory. There is no serious sadism, a la Ilsa. The women are not ritualistically degraded (another staple).

Oh, and for those of you who like to keep track, Franco's voice is dubbed with some sort of deep Tennessee accent that is totally inappropriate, which for a Franco film is totally appropriate. Also there is an odd WIP fashion statement. Rather than the typical barefoot, Keds, or be-flip-flopped girls, in this prison all inmates where stack heels.

WIP Wednesday Index

1. Women Behind Bars (Lina Romay)
   
2. Ilsa: The Wicked Warden (Dyanne Thorne, Lina Romay)
   
3. Reform School Girls (Wendy O Williams, Sybil Danning)
   
4. Savage Island (Linda Blair)
   
5. Girls Town (Mamie van Doren)
   
6. Chained Heat (Linda Blair, Sybil Danning, Stella Stevens, Tamara Dobson)
   
7. Caged Heat (Erica Gavin, Barbara Steele, Juanita Brown)
   
8. Black Mama, White Mama (Pam Grier, Margaret Markov)
   
9. Telephone (Lady Gaga, Beyoncé Knowles)
   
10. Caged Fury (Kascha)
    

Fan-Boy Icon #20

I have to admit, I find my Fan-Boy Icon entries harder to come up with than the Nerd Girl of Note. However, both revolve around what I am currently into, whether it is from what I am watching or what others are talking about. Today's entry has been getting lots of play at Love Train for the Tenebrous Empire, and I am totally down. So, here is John "Mark of Quality" Saxon. _[IMDb]

Saxon is likely known to most of us as the rough and tumble, confidence man Roper in Enter the Dragon (Robert Clouse, 1973). Roper joins the tournament to help settle some gambling debts, and meets up, unexpectedly, with his war buddy Williams (Jim Kelly, Black Bbelt Jones). Roper and Williams start playing the rubes and betting on fights. Unfortunately, both fall to the evil Han.

Of course, there is more to Saxon's career. He has nearly 200 acting credits in film and television, starting in 1954. Not all the titles are great, mind you. There is Blood Beast from Outer Space (1965), Dr. Kildaire (2 episodes, 1966), Bonanza (3 episodes, 1967-1969), Night Gallery (1 episode, 1972), Kung Fu (1 episode, 1972), MST3K favorite Mitchell (1975), Raid on Entebe (1976)... It is quite a list, and I should stop here. However...

A role I completely forgot about, but many of my age group will remember (vaguely perhaps) his role as Major Frederick Sloan/the killer robot from The Six-Million Dollar Man. Sloan was an inventor, and criminals wanted to steal his latest discovery. They build a robot duplicate of Sloan to impersonate him. Steve Austin figures this out and it is bionics versus robotics. Guess who wins.

Well, Saxon is still at it. He is in the upcoming City of Shoulders and Noses, about an Italian heiress and a scultor's son who have stepmother issues. More important is the cast. This just might be the It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World of B-Movie stars. The cast includes Saxon, Robert Carradine (Revenge of the Nerds), Moira Kelly (Billy Bathgate), Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk), Sybil Danning (Reform School Girls), Ruth Buzzi (Laugh In)... Ruth Buzzi and Sybil Danning in the same movie? What planet is this? I don't know about you, but this is on my "must see" list.

Nerd Girl of Note #71

One of the all-time greats is Ursula Andress. She's a Hammer Girl and a Bond Girl. She's been in at least one cannibal movie, and was in the original Clash of the Titans. She was one of the wives of the famous (infamous?) Hollywood Svengali John Derek, along with Pati Behrs, Linda Evans (Dynasty), and Bo Derek (10, Bolero).

Andress is most famous for her portrayal of the tough-yet-naïve Honey Ryder in the James Bond film Dr. No (1962), but also appeared in the 1966 Bond spoof Casino Royale as Vesper Lynd. The image of her as Honey Ryder, rising from the surf in Dr. No is the most iconic image of her, or of Biong Girls in general. So much so that Halle Berry duplicated the scene in Die Another Day.

Andress is in one of the most horrific movies I have ever seen, and I have seen some awful ones; Slave of the Cannibal God (1978). It is not only awful, it is terrible. The movie is from a time when no one cared if animals were harmed in the production of films, and there are several beasts shown slaughtered. It is also just bad. I do not remember it well, but it seems like crap being sold with the idea that you just might see Andress undressed.

Oddly, one of the first films I remember her from was the Eurosleaze erotic comedy The Senuous Nurse (1973). I am sure this was on Cinemax or The Movie Channel when I was young and oh-so-aware of what dirty movies were playing. I have not seen it in years (say, 25-ish), but it involved an aging count whose son hopes to cause the old man to die of heart failure by hiring a hotsy-totsy nurse to care for him. I have no idea if the plan succeeded.

Another good one is the Hammer film She (1965). Andress plays Ayesha, "She Who Must be Obeyed" - the undead(ish) leader of a lost civilization. She rules a Hellenistic society, and thinks a British archaeologist is the reincarnation of her long lost love. It is a pretty grand film for Hammer. She is more immortal than undead, but certainly has some vampiric powers at her command.