Halloween Challenge #31

The Masque of the Red Death features horror legend Vincent Price as the despicable Prince Prospero in an adaptation of the Edgar Allan Poe story. Like most of the Roger Corman Poe adaptations, this is only loosely true to the story, but frankly Poe is not very adaptable to film.

Prince Prospero is an evil tyrant who rules with an iron fist. When it is discovered that the red death has come to his kingdom he shuts himself and his guests in his castle to save them. Oh, and he begs for safety from Satan. Propero is a Satanic disciple, as are most of the guests. Ultimately however the red death comes for them.

Actually, I find it hard to believe this is the first Vincent Price movie I watched this month. Price is to me the premiere horror actor. He ranks above Karloff, Lugosi, Lee, Cushing, and Caradine. He is filled with presence and ability. Not just an actor there to scare, he is a fine actor capable of much better than the B movies he is famous for. Speaking of Christopher Lee, however, I am not sure, but am fairly convinced that Lee voiced, at least, the part of The Red Death. He is not credited, but neither is anyone else. Watch it sometime, if only the first few minutes. If that is not Christopher Lee's voice, I'll eat my blog.

While an old school film with little of the gore and nudity we expect from horror, it is pretty fantastic. The budget seems remarkably high for a Corman film, and features along with Price the exceptional Patrick Magee (A Clockwork Orange, Marat/Sade). Hazel Court supplies some unexpected hotness in a film that is fairly devoid of such. The colors are vibrant and striking, the costumes are somewhat garish, but typical of 1960s Hollywood for period pieces. Price is masterful here. He is rarely funny, but has that exquisite charm even at his most evil. Watch this one.

Verdict: Great creepy Gothic horror.

Halloween Challenge #30

Lake Dead has sisters headed to collect an inheritance, a motel owned by their heretofore unknown grandfather...

Well, this one has been done before in many forms. Rapey inbred hillbilly family trying to keep their bloodline pure lure our heroines out to their rape shack Their friends are raped and killed, hopefully in that order, but I make no promises.

It seemed like the killers were taking out the women in descending order of hotness. The hottest chick dies first, and things progress to leave us only the semi-attractive and bordering on homely blondes.

It is not bad for a crazy family of axe murders film, if you like that sort of thing.

Verdict: Could have been worse.

Pervert! (Jonathan Yudis, 2005)

The desert. Rapid editing. A sadistic killer. Testosterone fueled men. Large breasted man-eaters. Sounds like a Russ Meyer film, doesn't it? Well, it's not, but it is not a bad facsimile. Let's see how.

James (Sean Andrews) is returning to his father's home after some time at university in New Orleans. The father, Hezekiah (Darrell Sandeen), lives in the desert with his new girlfriend, Cheryl (Mary Carey) after his mother's mysterious death. The father has become somewhat of an... artist? He makes sculptures out of unidentifiable meat. Then, someone starts murdering the girlfriends.

Aside from some odd dream sequences featuring a witch doctor, and some small creature(?) scurrying around, the film has a definite Russ Meyer appeal. Sprinkled throughout are little montages with seemingly no contextual significance featuring "the montage girl" Lucia as well as Aurelie Sanchez running about portraying desert creatures and spirits. Both reminiscent of Uschi Digard as "Soul" in Meyer's Cherry, Harry, & Raquel.

This scene hearkens back to the dinner table scene in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!

Another similarity is in the super-machismo attitude of the father who mistreats his women and degrades his son for not being manly enough. Darrell Sandell is clearly taking notes from Meyer regular Jack Morgan. The women are Meyer stereotypes as well. Carey is channeling Lorna Maitland, Eve Meyer, and Lori Williams, while "Alisha" (Sally Jean) is all Tura Satana mixed with Alaina Capri. Juliette Clarke's "Patty" has quite a mixture, which I cannot quite put my finger on, but her portrayal would have been right up Meyer's alley.

Now, being a Russ Meyer clone is not all wine and roses. There is some cartoon aspects to the film that seem out of place, and I don't mean "cartoony" I mean actual animation. Meyer's actors would go all Daffy Duck on you in a second, and his violent scenes were right out of Merry Melodies, same here with Pervert! The story also takes turns that Meyer would not have followed.

This is at its heart a horror movie in disguise, which can also be said of the bulk of Meyer's catalog. As the horror really builds Pervert! does start to look more like a slasher movie of a more typical stripe. In most respects, it is still a Meyer film; the men are misogynists, the women think men are scum, there is open disrespect for homosexuality, and there is gratuitous nudity. Uncle Russ would either love it or want to kill Yudis. If you are a Meyer fan, you should check this one out if only for the heavy homage.

IMDb Entry

Halloween Challenge #29 Double Feature

The Brain that Wouldn't Die is an old one that I never intended to watch, then I read the review at The Uranium Café and decided to give it a try.

Douche bag, Dr. Bill Cortner, has been experimenting with the remains of deceased patients and amputated limbs in an effort for find a cure for death. Girlfriend Jan Compton is killed in an auto accident when Bill is driving. Well, almost killed. He is virtually unharmed, but she is decapitated. He quickly(ish) get the head to his lab so he can try to save her. His plan? Find the hottest stripper out there, kill her, cut off her head, and plant Jan's noodle on the new ultra-hot body. What could go wrong? Mainly, as in most mad scientist stories, there are failed experiments waiting for revenge. Once Jan's head starts talking, and gets the power serum, she can communicate with one such creature, and plans to put him to good use...

While this is a staple reference for bad film, it is surprisingly not that bad. Sure, some of the acting is a bit over-the-top, but we're talking AIP here. Tits over talent in most cases. The film is pretty smarmy, and if I didn't know better I would think Joe Sarno was responsible (hmm... "Joe Sarno's Frankenstein" has a nice ring to it). The strip club Bill goes to appears to actually be a brothel. At first you might think, "why did all these guys bring their wives?" You then realize that these ladies are on the job. Otherwise, the film is kind of a leer-fest. Riding around town as Bill checks women out, then the bikini contest, finally watching the photo-shoot with a pin-up model; the looks on Bill's face are openly skeevy and you have to wonder why he isn't just banging hot chicks when he obviously doesn't think Jan is quite as stacked as he deserves her to be. Surgeons, huh?

Watch it on Hulu, here.

Verdict: If you are a Reanimator or Frankenhooker fan, or just into weird science, this is for you.

Nine Dead features Melissa Joan Hart and eight others in a sort of Monserat story where their captor tells them each is there because they have a part in an event. Once they figure out why each of them is there they can go free. In the meantime he will kill one captive every ten minutes. They still have to piece the dead into their answer.

Verdict: Not bad. Pretty well done, and not easily figured out by yours truly.

Nerd Girl of Note #85

April "Elvira" Wahlin was the winner of The Search for the Next Elvira, and was certainly a great choice. I'd say it is because she has the look down, but frankly when they did the final three's makeup they all looked incredibly like the original M.O.D. Just shows you how much artifice goes into the costume, and the personality is the important part. April had Elvira down. Her mannerisms and inflection were near perfect. You could tell she was a tad nervous at times, but was as close to the original as I have seen.

Fortunately, it seems that April is quite the nerd in real life. On the show they had her show you through her apartment, and it was littered (nicely) with tons of horror and comic book stuff. You can see The Search for the Next Elvira (all four episodes) at Hulu or Fancast.

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Premature Book Review: "The Bishop of Hell & Other Stories" (Marjorie Bowen)

Oddly, though I am an Atheist, I do love a good Satanic story (as long as it does not get too Jesus-y, like To the Devil, a Daughter). This rather thin book is comprised of short Gothic horror and Satanism, starting with the quite interesting The Fair Hair of Ambrosine, a ghost story set after the French Revolution.

While a title like "The Bishop of Hell" would certainly make you think of Satanic horrors, three stories in we have only ghost stories. They are pretty good, mind you. They are somewhere between Poe and Lovecraft, with a bit of a twist. Bowen was apparently and unhappy housewife, and the three stories I have read certainly have the flair of an unloved or unhappy woman. Sadly, the stories are a little easy to figure out. You generally know what will happen in the end, but Bowen does often include a bit of a twist, and her prose is quite nice, for example:

Without replying the woman moved across to the sleeping man and looked down at him with an extraordinary expression of mingled malice and protection, as if she would defend him from any evil save that she chose to deal herself.

One of my favorite things is that, thus far the stories are short. Horror is a lot like porn... a little foreplay is fine, but you really just want everyone to get down to business. When you have about ten pages, you have to make them count, and Bowen does this nicely. The tension in the story builds and then you get the climax, rather than a detour you might get from a longer story of novel. These are stories of a length that you might tell around a campfire, if your memory were sufficient.

Halloween Challenge #28

Shock Treatment was the sequel to The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and also penned by Richard O'Brien. Bad news first; it is not Rocky Horror. Now, the good news.

While the songs may not be as catchy, and sing-along as "Timewarp" and "Hot Patootie" it is a rather visionary movie. It came out in 1981 and prefigures what most of us would consider to be 1980s style. Now, granted, I did not have MTV until 1983, but the clothes and set design in this film were already things you would see until the hair-metal takeover of '80s style.

The story follows Brad and Janet after their encounter with Frankenfurter to the town of Denton, USA, a place that is perpetually televised, or at least the studio audience seems to live there. The town is obsessed with normalcy and old-fashioned values, as well as mental health. Of course, everyone, particularly those who are crusaders for mental health, are complete wack-a-doodles. Brad, traumatized by the encounter with Frankenfurter and the aliens has had a nervous breakdown and falls into the clutches of Drs Cosmo and Nation McKinley (Richard O'Brien and Patricia Quinn, respectively).

This is a slick film with good music that reminds you a bit of Quarterflash and other early '80s bands that had not yet given up on rock music, but had a pop flair to them. Brad and Janet are played by different actors, and many of you will recognize character actor Cliff De Young (Brad) from his numerous television appearances, as well as Jessica Harper (Janet) who is also a bit of a television staple, and appeared in Dario Argento's Suspiria. The story is unfortunately quite enduring; in that much of what the villains' plot involves is very much relevant today.

Verdict: If you are looking for Rocky Horror II, this is not your film, but if you enjoy the weird and wild you could do far worse with your 92 minutes.

It's a Bikini World (Stephanie Rothman, 1967)

It's a Bikini World is an old surf movie that is the opposite of the nerdy-girl-gone-glamorous, in that alpha surf douche Mike Samson pretends to be the nerdy Herbert to scam on a girl, Delilah, who only likes smart guys. The main draws for me were the inclusion of Sid Haig as "Daddy" who does kustoms and runs "The Dungeon" and Lori Williams who appears briefly (unfortunately).

I think we all know where this one is going, with the "Samson and Delilah" reference and Mike's machismo going out the window. This can only end on a cliché. While Delilah spends her time with "Herbert" she is obsessed with showing up Mike.



Lori Williams briefly strolls through to deliver a comedic line and to be the hottest chick in the film.
This one is a tad different from the norm, in my limited experience with surf films. Rather than everyone being in high school, most of the regulars are supposed to be in college, which works because no one ever goes to class. Most of the actors look like they are easily thirty, but Williams was a mere twenty-one when this was released (two years after her biggest role in Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!).

Possibly the weirdest part was the music. It had all the typical teen sounds you'd expect. One soul group, a Beach Boys clone, a Rolling Stones clone, and then The Animals. I am not sure who convinced them to be in this. They had been around for a while, and House of the Rising Sun was a number one song in 1964. Here they do We Gotta Get Out of this Place which is completely inappropriate for the tone of the film. Everything is happy-go-lucky, pre-hippie southern California, and then Eric Burdon gets up in his crappy denim jacket and brings the mood way down. Now, I love the song, but really? There is next to no conflict in this film, no drinking, no drugs, and no money worries, but there are The Animals being cheered on by surf douches.

I sort of think the beach movie genre is the weirdest of all. It is formulaic to be sure, but it is so flexible. You need guys surfing, girls in bikinis doing the Watusi, and an older beatnik type. The main male and female lead have to have some issue to get past. Typically there is some fad that the squares don't understand (in this film it is skateboarding). Aside from that, anything goes. This one is pretty straight, but you can always throw Vincent Price in and make it a faux horror film (Doctor Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine), or Buddy Hackett and make a faux biker film (Muscle Beach Party), or just go violent and homoerotic like Psycho Beach Party.

Verdict: This one is a good textbook example of a beach movie, but if you are really interested in taking on the genre you might hit a Frankie and Annette movie first.

Fan-Boy Icon #26

Posting this one late...

As long as we are being all Halloween-y and Elvira-y, lets take a look at Richard O'Brien. Widely known as Riff Raff from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, O'Brien also wrote the songs for the movie. The Elvira connection comes primarily from his appearance in Elvira's Haunted Hills.

O'Brien always reminds me of Peter Cushing. They have that same gaunt look and screen presence. I could totally see him as Baron Frankenstein or Dr. van Helsing.

Halloween Challenge #27

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus is a fairy tale, and as all fairy tales do, there is a horror element. Throw in Terry Gilliam and you get a touching story where a happy ending is by no means assured. There is a big cast; Christopher Plummer in the titular role, Tom Waits as The Devil, Heath Ledger, Lily Cole, Verne Troyer, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Collin Farrell round out the cast.

Now, this is mostly a fantasy Doctor Parnassus has made wagers with The Devil, and things are coming to a head when he and his troupe come upon a hanged Heath Ledger who is remarkably alive, but unaware of who or where he is. Parnassus has to collect five souls before his daughter (Lily Cole) reaches her sixteenth birthday.

In all, it is a good movie. I imagine getting around one of your lead actors dying is no picnic, fortunately it is handled well. Waits is great as the devil, and steals the movie whenever he appears. It is also fun picking out Gilliam standards, like the swinging rope rescue that screamed Time Bandits. It maybe was not so much horror as we might want for Halloween, but it has a lot of terrifying moments.

Verdict: Enjoyable, but not my favorite Gilliam work.

Witchblade turned anime is my first experience with the character. Now, I only watched three of the twenty-four episodes on Netflix, but I can tell you it is slightly less horror than sci-fi, though in typical anime fashion, even the robots have the creepy-rapey thing going on, and the Witchblade is an entity of sorts that controls its wielder.

Verdict: Not bad, but fairly typical anime.

Halloween Challenge #26

Body Double by Brian de Palma is an old style meets (then) new style horror thriller. De Palma is not everyone's cup of tea. He can be a little gratuitous and self-indulgent at times. He also borrows greatly from other directors, but I think a lot of his work is inspired, and Body Double is no exception. It has a lot of Hitchcock flair, and is even a film Hitch might have made if it had been presented to him.

The story is that of a down on his luck actor, Jake Scully, who becomes involved in a murder mystery. When he discovers that "Holly Body" (Melanie Griffith) was used to dupe him into becoming involved the plan to solve the murder is on.

This is one of the few Melanie Griffith movies I tend to like. Her typically cheesy, overly feminine voice is perfectly suited for playing a porn star. Her delivery is surprisingly good, unless you remember how funny she could be in Working Girl.

Verdict: I love it. Have for years. If you are on Netflix and want to see it streaming get to it before November 1st, as it will be off the streaming queue then.

Fayetteville Jazz Funeral and Zombie Walk (20101022)

Last Friday saw me at my first zombie walk. I don't know if this was the first in our little burg, but it was a lot of fun. I am not a costume guy, typically, and hate wearing makeup (unless I am going on a date [smirk]), so my costume was simple, but fairly effective. I took the motorcycle helmet I was wearing in my accident, which I do not wear to ride but could not bring myself to throw away, sawed a slot in it and shoved a costume axe blade in. Add my "Cars Suck" t-shirt and a funny walk, and I was a cycle-zombie. Being a nerd, I developed a backstory.

"So, I was riding my motorcycle to escape the zombie horde and was killed in a crash. This being the type zombie event where the recently dead return, I came back to semi-life. Being a zombie, I could not figure out how to remove my helmet (please suspend disbelief and imagine the strap is done up), I was saved from a zombie hunter's assault by my protective gear. Unfortunately, said gear also prevents me from feeding upon the living. Did I ever get the helmet off? Only Romero knows for sure."

Here is the lovely tas33 as a fresh zombie, and our friend Geri as a rather ghoulish one.

Geri again, this time with Stan, who was a big hit.

See more from this event on Facebook.

Halloween Challenge #25: Supplemental

I have posted this in the past, but it just came to mind again. A short, seriously spooky little film from Israel, a place whose style of horror typically involves gunning down children throwing rocks. Nice to see them branching out.

Halloween Challenge #25

Dr. Jekyll and Sister Hyde is a late Hammer entry that modifies the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. It's not great by Hammer standards, but not terrible either. I do like Ralph Bates (Jekyll) and Martine Beswick (Hyde) definitely brings the sexy evil. The weirdest part was the neighbors upstairs who are more than willing to just enter his apartment as though they were a family of Victorian Kramers.

I have not read Stevenson's story, so I am not sure what liberties they have taken, aside of course for the gender-bending aspect. Here, Hyde is perhaps more diabolical than I typically think of the "Incredible Hulk" version of the alter-ego. If nothing else, it does make me want to read it.

Verdict: There are certainly worse Hammer films, but this is hardly one of the best.

Halloween Challenge #24

Jennifer's Body was a movie I never intended to watch. As many of you know, I have an aversion to Megan Fox, but once I realized Amanda Seyfried was in it I was sold. I have a soft spot for Seyfried (as well as at least one hard spot). I did not realize either that Diablo Cody wrote it, and Dr. Skoda/Vern Schillinger was in it. Oh, and Amy Sedaris. Frankly, the movie changed my mind a bit about Fox. I am still not as impressed as many with her hotness, but she did surprisingly well in the role. At least when you consider how low my expectations were.

I don't want to get too into the story, lest I give something away, but it is a pretty good monster movie with the standard Diablo Cody high school slang, It is a high school movie with gore. It has all the elements that make Jawbreaker and Mean Girls fun, but then there is an actual monster to be dealt with.

Verdict: Has the Whiteplume seal of approval.

Halloween Challenge #23

Lady Frankenstein has Rosalba Neri, Franco favorite Paul Muller, and muscle man Mickey Hargitay star in this take on the Frankenstein story. Baron Frankenstein is killed by his creation, and his daughter (Neri) wants to clear his reputation. Muller plays the Baron's assistant who is in love with the daughter. Hargitay plays the local constable out to figure out the monster killings.

Muller and Neri carry this not so great film. It is an interesting story idea, but the execution is pretty poor, production-wise. Neri is more evil than hot, which is a good thing, as she plays evil nicely.

Verdict: Not bad, but not great. The DVD I have was a pretty poor transfer.

Halloween Challenge #22

Monstroid is sort of a Kaiju movie set in Columbia. An American company is polluting the local river and has created a giant monster. This is another one from Elvira's Movie Macabre.

The monster isn't the only issue. The corporation is out to get the troublemakers, such as the newscaster who is exposing them, the local priest (John Carradine) who is fomenting rebellion, and revolutionary types out to help him. The corporate honcho on the scene is James Mitchum, son of the legendary Robert Mitchum. Jimbo got the old man's looks (save the Tom Selleck mustache), but not the cool. Ah well. There are also some kids playing Scooby-Doo gang hunting the monster. Will the town be saved?

Watch it on Hulu.

Verdict: Oy vey. What a fershtinkiner.

Nerd Girl of Note #84

Asia DeVinyl was also a contestant on The Seach for the next Elvira, but was sadly eliminated fairly early. She pulled the part off well, but not quite as well as some of the others. The boobs took her a long way, but her portrayal was a bit lacking. Now, she is a pin-up/fetish model. Just goes to show that there is more to Elvira than the boobs, though being naturally busty as Asia is, she was able to handle the boob jokes with great aplomb.

Since I don't know much about Asia, I'll use the opportunity to talk more about The Search for the Next Elvira. It ran four episodes on Fox Reality Channel, and while I dislike talent contest/elimination/reality television, this one was quite good. Elvira was quite nice, and cheered the contestants on, knowing she could only benefit from getting the best winner, and being (I imagine) a genuinely nice person. The contestants were not (for the most part) catty and "playing the game" as is often the point of these shows. I think the format prevented this, as there were many eliminations very quickly, but also because I think everyone who made it through did so because they love Elvira. The only really obnoxious ones were the "Man-viras" two male Elviras in drag, who were pretty bitchy with everyone. Guest judges were makeup artist Rick Baker and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder. The challenges were pretty funny, and most of the contestants were likable. You can see The Search for the Next Elvira (all four episodes) at Hulu or Fancast.

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Monster's Ball (Marc Forster, 2001)

This is one of those films that I should have wanted to see, but never thought to. Luckily, the wife adds films to the Netflix queue to keep it from being all Jess Franco ;-)

The story involves two people who are surrounded by death, and are brought together under strange coincidences. Billy Bob Thornton plays Hank, a death row prison guard who comes from a line of corrections officers, including his father, Buck (Peter Boyle) and son, Sonny (Heath Ledger). Halle Berry plays Leticia, a down on her luck widow of a death row prisoner who has been executed, Lawrence (Sean "Puffy" Combs).

You know, with all of Berry's eye-candy roles, and Thornton's bizarre personae (and name), you forget how really talented the two are. Both play "natural" very well. Their characters both are going through harrowing changes in their lives, but they are not melodramatic or hammy. Both portrayals are incredibly believable.

I'll go ahead and give Marc Forster a lot of credit here. I enjoyed The Kite Runner, which he also directed, but I really think big props go to the screenwriting team of Milo Addica and Will Rokos. This was obviously written to be a film, not some novel turned into a film, and I believe it shows how powerful and artistic the medium can be without relying on other media types. I think it was a wonderful film and you owe it to yourself to watch it.

Halloween Challenge #21

The Devil's Wedding Night on Movie Macabre is a Hammer rip off that tells the story of an archaeologist who seeks the Ring of the Nibelungs, and it turns out it is in Castle Dracula. Go figure. Well, actually we have two archaeologists; one is a bookworm who discovers the location of the ring, and one a bit of a rake who does the dirty work. No, wait, there are three archaeologists..? Oddly, the first two are both doctors but don't know how to pronounce Wagner properly. Also, did you know that Greensleeves is a traditional Transylvanian folk song? Me neither.

Now, this film has some strikes against it, like the script, and a few of the actors, and the sound effects... but it has a lot going for it too. First, the cinematography greatly surpasses the film, in my opinion. Joe D'Amato (of The Arena fame, as well as a few Emanuelle films) is the DP. The editing is not bad either, save for the bits of lost footage from this supremely bad transfer. Second, Rosabla Neri (Hercules and the Haunted World, The Castle of Fu Manchu, credited as "Sara Bey") who looks like a young, good looking Barbara Streisand (think second half of The Way We Were) as La Contessa Dolingen de Vries, the vampire. She plays this one with a real ethereal quality and gratuitous nudity.

As for the Elvira portion of the festivities, she is funny as always and we get to meet one of her relatives, "Auntie Virus" who stops by for a surprise visit.

See it on Hulu.

Verdict: Good, solid VTM (Vampire Tittie Movie) with a good ending. I am going to say it: I liked it.

If You Didn't Love Elvira Before...

Loathe as I am to spread Chr1stine 0'Donne1l's bullshit, I wanted to include her ad so you could then better enjoy Elvira's parody of it. Thanks to Shon Richards for the heads up!

Halloween Challenge #20

Blood Moon Rising is, I gather, written by someone who really loved The Evil Dead. It is not a direct rip-off, but has a lot of similar elements.

Problems? Well, the best looking chick in the movie is the first one killed, and while nudity is not essential to horror, it is essential to this kind of horror and you don't see any goodies until 25 minutes in. It is rather hard to tell when this is supposed to be taking place. There are so many anachronisms that you can't really tell what is truly anachronistic. They try really hard to make it look like a Tarantino/Rodriguez film, with all the bad film and melt effects.

Verdict: This is the kind of movie I want to love, but it was a bit too Troma for my taste.

Big Welcomes!

Hello, friends!

I have not done this as regularly as I did in the past, but want to send a big welcome to all the new followers. It seems like only yesterday I was ecstatic about reaching ten! So all you folks following with Blogger/Google, Networked Blogs and the RSS feed, I hope you are enjoying yourself. I warn you though, we are very horror-heavy this month, what with Halloween and all. I wonder what November will bring..?

Big ups again to Ms Monster, Nerd Girl of Note #83 and horror hostess extraordinaire. She is either following this little blog now, or whomever does her blog is... Maybe Tat? Anyway, check her out at MsMonster.com.

Along with the standard greeting is the standard message. Feel free to post comments. They are like digital love to me. Keep things nice with other readers, please. I am hard to offend, but I also have control of the delete button. ;-)

Halloween Challenge #19

Fido is a zombie movie with a difference. It takes place in an alternate time-line Cold War, where instead of a Red Menace there is a Dead Menace. A friendless boy makes friends with the family's domestic zombie, under electronic control by Zomcorp. His parents are in a loveless marriage, and when "Fido" learns to be human again, the mother and son become attached. The rest of the world still fears and hates them, but continue to use them as laborers. Fido is learning, but he still has some issues and finds himself in trouble.

Verdict: A funny and touching zombie flick.

Halloween Challenge #18

Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny & Girly is a nice old creep-out. It is not graphic or gory, but has a great horror sense. It is a lot like Spider Baby or even The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, in that the story revolves around a fucked up family that has its way with outsiders.

The family in question is perhaps more Manson than Addams. It is unclear whether they are actual family, or just a collection of sociopaths. The house definitely reminds one of the Addams home. The children, who are obviously played by adults (Vanessa Howard as "Girly" was in her twenties at the time), but are infantile to the extreme. They behave like five year-old children. Mumsy is a caricature of the perfect mother, and Nanny similarly story-book. The family starts falling apart when "New Friend" comes along and starts planning his escape. Eventually it is a bit hard to tell if he wants to escape, or eliminate this murderous brood. It is a nice, creepy story.

I really enjoyed this and definitely recommend it for bizarre horror fans. Vanessa Howard's sexy portrayal of a girl that is supposed to be too young to be sexy makes early Brittany Spears look like early Sally Field, a la Gidget. It is streaming on Netflix here.

Verdict: Very good. One might think Vincent Price should have been in it, style-wise.

Halloween Challenge #17

Plan 9 from Outer Space is occasionally called the worst film ever made, then Troma came along and I don't find that claim to be valid any longer.

Plan 9 is the alien invaders' plan for conquest of the Earth through the resurrection of the dead. They have a problem with humanity, and it's not exactly what you might think. This is a cautionary tale, albeit a fantastic and semi-unfounded one.

Verdict: Not as terrible as you might think, but still pretty terrible.

Halloween Challenge #16

Dreams of Cthulhu: The Rough Magik Initiative is, I believe a tv show rather than a film. It has a bit of an X Files feel to it. A secret organization is out to stop the worshipers of Cthulhu, who are sent dreams that make them kill. The main character here is a psychologist who went to the Falklands war and met a creepy old man who perhaps passed an ancient evil on to him.

Verdict: Good and creepy.

The Amazing Mask

Alright, I speak almost no Spanish at all, but if this is not one of the most amazing things ever then I'll eat my hat. Just from the trailers I see Luchadores and zombies. If that's not enough, it has a Mighty Morphin Power Rangers vibe to it that looks pretty amazing. I can't find out much more, but deeply desire it. Despite the language difficulties, I can definitely see myself gazing at its visual awesomeness, clueless as to the dialogue. You can find some more at The Amazing Mask web site. All I can say is that proximamente means "coming soon" so keep your eyes peeled!

UPDATE: After some Adventures in Translation, it looks like this was a film that opened at the Sitges Fantasy Film Festival in Spain. I sent an email to the info link on their site, begging pardon for my poor Spanish, and hoping to find out more.

Halloween Challenge #15

Sugar Hill is a Blaxploitation, revenge, zombie movie from MGM and AIP. Diana "Sugar" Hill's fiancé runs afoul of mobsters and is murdered. Sugar wants them dead, and goes to Mama Maitresse, the old Voodoo lady. With her help, she elists the mystical aid of the Voodoo god Baron Samedi. Along with a troupe of macheté weilding zombies and other Voodoo powers, the bad guys get bumped off one-by-one.

While it is a true Blaxploitation film, it still has a good horror quality. The zombies are not just shambling around, they appear from the shadows to fall on their prey. Baron Samedi, played wonderfully by Don Pedro Colley, is creepy and scary, and evil. When he gives Sugar the zombies, he says "use them for evil! That's what they are for!"

Verdict: If you like Blaxploitation or revenge films, this is well worth your time.

Nerd Girl of Note #83

I am a bit torn about this week's NGoN, Ms. Monster (A.K. Smith). On the one hand she is a sexy, funny horror chick who hosts a monster movie show on basic cable and the web. On the other, I cannot find out when the show is available on her site. Therefore, I have a limited knowledge of her, save that I recently watched The Search for the Next Elvira, on which she was a contestant.

Ms. Monster's show is Hel on Ice, and can (I suppose) be found at msmonster.com, though I can only find bits of the show rather than an entire episode. It is a bit of a cross between Elvira's Movie Macabre and Mystery Science Theater 3000, as she does bits during the movie and has puppet sidekicks, most notably her "Monster Melons" Tit and Tat.

As for The Search for the Next Elvira, I think she did pretty well, but was eliminated prior to the finals. There are probably a few reasons for this. One, she was already Ms. Monster, which gave her an edge as she was doing a semi-Elvira shtick already, but was a detractor perhaps in that she was already her own franchise. Second, I think they had pretty much decided on April Wahlin from the start, as she was so good at mimicking Elvira. Ms. Monster perhaps let her own personae shine through. Lastly, and this is pure conjecture, perhaps Elvira had her on the show to get her some press? I would imagine the Big E would have been aware of Ms. Monster's show, seeing as horror hosting and cos-life are her business. The M.O.D. bump certainly couldn't hurt the blue zombie.

Halloween Challenge #14

Smash Cut is a low budget ode to its low budget forebears, particularly Herschel Gordon Lewis, who appears in the film. Abel Whitman is a maker of shitty horror films, who finally discovers just how shitty they are. When his favorite stripper/muse is killed in a car accident he puts her in a movie to great effect. Unfortunately, he can't use the same corpse indefinitely, so he needs new meat [smirk]. The dead stripper's sister, played by porn star, D&D player, and Nerd Girl of Note, Sasha Grey. She begins working with a private detective who is obviously a callback to the super-douchey detective from HGL's The Gore Gore Girls. It has some clever ideas and dialogue. An early favorite:

"Eighteen auditions and the only thing that qualifies them to be on film is that they reflect light."

Well, the director continues his killing spree, knocking off those that limit the artist, namely critics and producers. Sasha becomes his new starlet, as she wants evidence that he killed her sister. Abel uses his writer to get ideas to evade suspicion, all the while being pursued by the douche-tective.

Verdict: Enjoyable

Halloween Challenge #13

The Food of the Gods - what do you get when you mix H.G. Welles, American International Pictures, and the worlds youngest ordained priest? Well, you get a giant rubber chicken head for one. You also get what Tumblr friend MKHall calls "the first film I was embarrassed to be caught leaving, and that includes a porno cinema."

So, on this piss-ant little island has something weird bubbling up from the ground. When a farmer finds it and decides it is not oil, he does the only natural thing. Mixes it with chicken feed and feeds it to his chickens. Well, other things eat chicken feed too, most notably rats. Suddenly, you have an island teeming with huge vermin that are out for blood.

It has some fair shocks in it, but then goes all corny. When a guy gets killed by giant rats while in his car, we see big, fairly well done pantomime rat heads, then we see regular rats crawling on a toy car.. Kind of kills the mood.

See it on Fancast, here.

Verdict: About 30 minutes in I got distracted and gave up on it.

Rabid is an oldie but a goodie. The wife thought she'd take a chance on it, and frankly I meant to watch it before Halloween again. See my old review here.

Rabid is the story of an accident victim who is given an experimental treatment gone awry. She is part "Zombie Zero" and a bit vampire, save in both cases that she is alive.

Verdict: I really like this one. Well worth watching.

Premature Book Review: A Clockwork Orange (Burgess, 1962)

Anthony Burgess' novel is a tad different from the film. I hear that he did not care for Kubrick's interpretation. I would argue that Kubrick had a good handle on the story as the book goes, but being a visual medium, film must translate differently. Burgess' tale is less graphic than Kubrick's interpretation, but as a novel we get more of what is going on in Alex's head. We know something ugly is going on, but on film we need to see it.

The most difficult part of the book is interpreting the slang. Burgess uses a mixture of corrupt Russian, Gypsy terms, and rhyming slang. Eventually you get the hang of it, but at times it can be a bit off-putting. I think part of this is a literary device to separate you from Alex. He is supposed to be part of something you and I don't fully understand, so by using essentially another language he is not one of us.

My biggest problem with the book was the inclusion of a previously banned chapter, at least the final chapter is described as being unpublished in previous American versions. Frankly, it is a huge let down. The penultimate chapter ends as does the film, which was a perfect way to finish in my opinion. The following chapter killed the whole thing for me, as Alex returns to his former life, but with a change. If you read the edition pictured above, I suggest skipping the final chapter, or at least setting the book aside for a few days before tackling it.

Halloween Challenge #12

Frankenstein'e Castle of Freaks on Movie Macabre (here, on Fancast). A Neanderthal man appears, oddly enough, in the village where "Count" Frankenstein has his castle. And boy, is castle of freaks the right title. The place is littered with peep holes, and a rapey dwarf who has a problem with touching the dead girls. Even Frankenstein's main enforcer, Hans, takes a gander at the Count's daughter and boyfriend having a bit of the old in-and-out. Then the not-Igor hunchback and Han's wife enjoy a little rough sex in the woodshed... Christiane Rücker and Simonetta Vitelli kind of make the movie with some discreet nudity and breast-positive period costumes; they are pretty much the only characters that don't make you want to wash your eyeballs. The film has the typical cheap Hammer rip-off looks of an Italian film, but the smarmy jazz music you'd expect from a William Rostler sleaze-fest.

Verdict: Cheesy old Eurohorror fun, plus you get to see Elvira every 30 minutes or so.

Halloween Challenge #11 (Double Down Edition)

Phantasm, despite being quite important to mid-eighties heavy metal culture, is one I have never seen. I did not get into it. It wasn't scary, despite some killings. The old mortician is supposed to be the scary part, but didn't do anything for me. Let me know if I should bother revisiting this one, otherwise, I will stick with Fantasm instead.

Verdict: 29 minutes in and I was done.

So, I tried another one...

Cruising I took a chance on, as it is a serial killer movie, which I typically consider horror. Also, I read Tenebrous Kate's review. It's a decent film, but did not really scare me at all. About the only time I jumped a bit was when I realized why the guy was lubing up his fist. I did, however, finish this one. Despite the serial killer, this one is more crime drama, but even more a "look at the S&M gays" drama. I don't think it was overly offensive to this subculture as it is frankly a subculture that sets out to offend. It was likely a very brave thing to put out at the time (1980).

Verdict: Not scary, with a confusing finalé. Worth a watch, unless violence and gore are your aims.

So, I tried... Really I did. Perhaps the next stab at horror will be more effective.

Fan-Boy Icon #25

If you were to ask me, "Darius, if you were not the incredibly fabulous you, who would you want to be?" Well, without doing any research up front I would likely say Tom "Mister Zombie" Savini. Second place might be Kurt Russell, but I am not sure Goldie Hawn is my cup of tea.

Savini has likely added more Win to films than anyone else. Sure, he's been involved in some stinkers, but his mere presence can turn a film around for you. He's an actor, a stuntman, director, combat photographer (during the Vietnam conflict), and special effects artist who is likely responsible for giving birth to a good portion of anything you find great about horror movies. Oh, and of course he is basically George Romero's right hand.

Halloween Challenge #10

The Omen is one I saw when I was a small, small child. My mother was a bit lenient where horror was concerned. Anyway, I don't think this ever scared me, but I really only remember the "it's all for you, Damien!" part, and the tricycle...

I like the movie. It is watchable and holds your interest, but frankly I don't get the fear. I don't find the kid all that creepy, at least no more than I find all kids creepy. Maybe it is my lack of belief in the holy/unholy that keeps me from being scared, though the nanny does give me the creeps at times. I think I have lots of problems with the logic of it. Damien cannot go into a church, but is some day expected to be the American President, a job whose primary experience is being seen in a church... Maybe he grows out of it?

Verdict: Definitely a classic, but maybe not as fantastic as you may have heard.

Halloween Challenge #9

Elvira's Haunted Hills proves that there is a fine line between comedy and horror. While it is a funny movie, Elvira's Haunted Hills pays homage to the old style of horror before everyone was swinging machetés and chainsaws around. It takes a pound of Vincent Price and Edgar Allan Poe. A dash of Hammer and Lovecraft. One clove of Universal, chopped fine. Mixes it well, and cooks on a funeral pyre for 90 minutes.

The best mix of comedy and horror is the excellent Richard O'Brien (Rocky Horror Picture Show) who plays the demented and corrupt Vladimir Hellsubus, patron of the Hellsubus family. He is tormented by the ghosts of his past as well as the family curse. O'Brien plays it with all the true horror stylings, and when he is meant to be funny it is still a bit scary. He is very much Boris Karloff in The Raven, delivering the funny with just enough menace to keep it from being screw-ball. The rest of the cast however keep things funny. Mary Scheer (Mad TV), Mary Jo Smith, and Scott Atkinson provide the funny, but with a nice sinister edge. Elvira is, well, Elvira, but that's what you want to see.

Verdict: If you have a chance, watch this one. It is a favorite of mine, and less cutesy than the first Elvira film.

Halloween Challenge #8 (Part 2 of 2)

Death Proof is a slasher film, where the slasher uses a car rather than the typical bladed cliché. It is very dialogue heavy. A big drawback is likely the limited violence, but when it comes, it is huge. It is chocked full of hot babes, and does have appropriate slasher tension.

I think Kurt Russell is awesome as the killer, Stuntman Mike. Of course, I have not seen a KR movie where I did not like him at the very least. Mike is got a great socio/psychopath, changing his personality to suit who he is talking to. He plays tough and cool with Rose McGowan, and pathetic and a little creepy with Sydney Poitier, then nearly vampiric with Vanessa Ferlito with a mesmerizing quality.

Of course, the real reason to watch it is for Zoe Bell, who is ridiculously awesome. Watching her on the hood of that car is worth everything you might not like about the movie, in my humble opinion.

Verdict: I like it.

Short Movie Reviews

Sorry, no reviews this week, as everything I have watched has been part of the Halloween Challenge!

Halloween Challenge #7 (Missing Reel Edition)

Small caveat here: I did not get to watch Deathproof last night, and only saw part of the movie in this review.

Zombies Anonymous (2006) is similar to S. G. Browne's Breathers: A Zombies Lament (2009) in that it deals with sentient zombies trying to exist in a society that hates them. You might think from the cover that this is a kind of sexy, funny horror spoof. There are some good looking women and some funny parts, it is not however a spoof. It is a rather ugly story in the Romero vein, e.g. there is a culture clash, mostly precipitated by the stupidity and bigotry or the living. The zombies are the heroes, sort of. The real menace is the group of zombie hunters who remind one of the right wing anti-immigration people. Zombies are able to function in society and have laws to protect them, so the hunters say they are taking jobs from real people. The hunters also destroy voluntary zombie destruction facilities, places where a zombie might choose to go and have himself exterminated rather than exist as the living dead. The hunters assault on these places is similar to the right wing's assault on abortion, in that they do not want the zombie's "life" taken at their choosing, yet they complain that the burden to society is greater for their existence.

As for the film itself, it is a low budget affair, shot on video. It looks like a Troma release, save that it is not full of tits. The acting runs the gamut. There are some fair actors, and some real cheese balls. The dialogue is all over they place, but the characters have varied backgrounds. Certain scenes, particularly with the hunters, are extremely bad, but since the screenwriter/director (Marc Fratto) seems to have an agenda, he is likely trying to make them look worse by making their dialogue trite. Despite a lot of its flaws it is one of those films where you can tell that what the production lacks in funding and talent they make up for with passion. I don't think this is a movie made to make money (I certainly doubt it has made much), but rather a story someone wanted told through film and made the best of what they had. If you respect that in a film (I'm looking at you, TK) you should get reasonable enjoyment from Zombies Anonymous.

I shall definitely be finishing this one up tonight.

Verdict: Not bad. Not great. Watchable.