Count Dracula's Great Love (Javier Aguirre, 1972)

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Via Elvira's Movie Macabre, we have a Paul Naschy film that The Vicar of VHS calls, "one of his lesser flicks." That is surely why Elvira picked it. Being a Naschy-novice, I went straight to Hulu, and this one the one film they had. It is a VTM*, so here goes.

*Vampire Titty Movie

Four hot chicks from Munich meet up with a male traveler of some sort as they travel through Count Dracula's domain. Luckily, their male companion know all about Dracula and the region. When they get to the sanatorium near the castle (really?) their coach breaks a wheel, the driver is killed by a spooked horse, and they have to seek refuge in the sanatorium. Fortunately, the new owner is there. He is a rich Austrian physician. Or is he?

Well, it looks like the gang will have to spend the week at the sanatorium, but oddly enough the doctor never seems to be around. I'm sure he's a busy man. Meanwhile, the München Mädchen (or Munich girls, if you prefer) decide to have a look around. You know, just in case there is something interesting in the old dump.

Searching the sanatorium should be safe, right?
Most interesting of the four women is Senta (Rosanna Yanni, from Jess Franco's Kiss Me, Monster, and Two Undercover Angels). Senta spurs the girls on to investigating the old place, and has the hots for the doctor. The doctor, who of course is really Dracula, tries using her to bring his daughter back to life. He needs someone to fall in love with him, but unfortunately she also has to be a virgin. Her friends have been discussing Senta's sexual exploits for the whole film... So the Count moves on.


Eventually, it's like the whole place has gone vampire. It is a strange vampire movie, but I think has an at least original story. Naschy wrote the base material and the screenplay. It may not be great, but it is interesting. One of the best features, at least when it came out, was how they shot it in the dark. Vampire movies from this period are always so over-lit. This one is dark with eerie blue light. The problem is, at least with the print Elvira had, was how poor the film has held up. It is occasionally too dark for the decayed quality. There is some great cinematography to be had here. I say it is well worth watching.

Hulu / IMDb

Fan-Boy Icon #30

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This week we look at a horror classic whom I was previously only familiar with by name, Jacinto Molina; better known as Paul Naschy. The man who has played the werewolf in twelve films, eclipsing the more famous Lon Chaney Jr (only eleven of the films actually exist). The Vicar of VHS asked me to participate in his Paul Naschy Blogathon going on all this week, so in addition to this entry we shall look at a few of Naschy's films. Tomorrow will mark the first anniversary of Naschy's death from pancreatic cancer at the age of 75.

Naschy, according to a pretty loving Wikipedia article, is famous for two characters, primarily; El Hombre Lobo (the wolfman) and Alaric de Marnac, a medieval nobleman and serial killer, purportedly based on the real person of Baron Gilles de Rais, a Breton knight and companion of Joan of Arc. An interesting bit about the wolfman is that the character was always Waldemar Daninsky, yet each film had a new story with a new origin; a new reason for his becoming a werewolf. I like this idea. B movies live on name recognition, and just like Dracula who tends to arrive in different places, and die different deaths, we go to see the films for Dracula. Rarely do we mess with his origin story, but with the werewolf the origin is an important facet. Making a new werewolf movie every time, to me, shows a dedication to the character and a desire to give the audience something new each film.

Now, according to the IMDb, naschy appeared in 99 films as an actor, but also wrote screenplays for 41, and directed 14. Frankly I was surprised while researching this piece that he never worked with fellow Spaniard and prolific horror-monger, Jess Franco. I could find nothing putting the two together, save that they were contemporaries and had difficulties making films in Spain under the fascist Generalissimo Francisco Franco.

For more Paul Naschy goodness, you can check out the group Tumblr, Fuck Yeah Paul Naschy.

Starting Tomorrow: The Paul Naschy Blogathon!

Sponsored by Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies!
Just a reminder, next week marks the beginning of the Paul Naschy Blogathon, sponsored by Mad Mad Mad Mad Movies! We'll look at four, count 'em four, Paul Naschy films here, plus a look at the man himself tomorrow, and one of his leading ladies. Get info on participating sites here!

Premature Book Review: Doctor Who, the Coming of the Terraphiles (Michael Moorcock, 2010)

This is my first Doctor Who book. I have read a Torchwood book, which was okey. I mostly decided on this one because Michael Moorcock wrote it. You might know Moorcock as the author of the Elric stories, among others. This book has The 11th Doctor and Amy Pond in the distant future among a sort of Anachronism Society that lives its life according to a believed 20th Century Earth, that is England spanning from the Crusades to World War II.

Well, it is a bit corny. I am no huge Doctor Who fan, but it smacks a bit of the impression I get of the Tom Baker "let's make fun of our show" years. However, it also reminds me of Moorcock's "End of Time" books, which had the remainder of humanity obsessed with the past while being entirely ignorant of it. The style, though, reminds me even more of Piers Anthony, but I am more familiar with the grim tales of Elric and the pulpy fantasies of Ancient Mars. Maybe I am forgetting what Moorcock's humor is like?

I do think the book is nicely suited for the Doctor Who familiar, as there is very little fan service. The only race mentioned thus far (aside from humans, obviously) are the Jundoon, which are not treated as a race you should already be familiar with. There is also very little interaction with the TARDIS or in fact The Doctor in the first 100 pages. So, it is not thus far even really a Doctor Who story. Certainly that will change as things go on, but to me it is more accessible to those of us with a passing knowledge of the time traveling hero.

More serious Who fans might wish to check out The Acrobatic Flea's review at Hero Press. He was less impressed with it, and I gather related it to a Carry On version of The Doctor. For a less-than-serious sci-fi fantasy it is enjoyable, but hardcore fans of The Doctor might be less impressed.

Nerd Girl of Note #89

I only knew about Marilyn Joi from one thing; the Cleopatra Schwartz faux trailer in Kentucky Fried Movie. Turns out she did a lot more films. She was in Hammer with Fred Williamson. Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks with Dyanne Thorne as one of Ilsa's sidekicks, "Velvet." Black Samurai with Jim Kelly. As well as Nurse Sherri, Blazing Stewardesses, The Candy Tangerine Man, and Detroit 9000. She also had an uncredited appearance in Coffy with Pam Grier. You can see the rest of her credits at the IMDb. She also made many appearances in the men's magazine Players (some covers at Temple of Schlock).

I remember listening to the commentary on Kentucky Fried Movie, and they were joking that Joi demanded that it state in her contract that if the producers ever made Cleopatra Schwartz that she would reprise the role. They all were joking about her insistence, but it was likely a smart move. Who knows, people might have raved about the trailer so much that they might have made it? She does a great Pam Grier impersonation in it too. Her fighting, while maybe not up to great standards, was more than passable for 1977, and that was much of Pam Grier's claim to fame. Frankly, with all the satiric Blaxploitation and films like The Hebrew Hammer these days, I am surprised no one has made it. Here is the clip from KFM.

From Kentucky Fried Movie

From Black Samurai

From Ilsa: Harem Keeper of the Oil Sheiks with NGoN alums Dyanne Thorne and Haji

See Black Samurai @ TV4U (poor quality, but free with no commercial breaks)

Short Movie Reviews

Get Him to the Greek is pretty damn funny. There are a lot of cheesy, fake rock songs that are deceptively filthy like Josie and the Pussycats, and then some that are outright filthy. I am a Russell Brand fan, so I liked it from the start, but almost surprisingly Sean "Puffy" Combs is hilarious. I was laughing like crazy quite often. From the advertisements, you would think it would be Russell Brand going all Robin Williams for two hours, but that is not the case. I think we have a hard time selling Brand to US audiences, despite having been in some successful stuff.

Netflix DVD / IMDb

Verdict: Tons of fun.

Black Samurai has martial arts soul brother Jim Kelly (Enter the Dragon, Black Belt Jones) as a James Bond type, out to save his girlfriend from an evil occultist. The movie is pretty bad, even for a Kung Fu film. The cinematography is awful, and the logic of the sequencing is bad. Kelly fans will likely enjoy it. The version I watched seemed to be edited, or the film was edited poorly. One thing that was odd was the number of midget (or dwarf?) assassins. There were at least five, which I dare say is a lot. They were not used in a comedic fashion either, so it was not purely for cheap laughs. The cast seems to have been built around Jim Kelly's stunt studio members, and there is a big demand for small stuntmen to replace children in dangerous shots. Marilyn Joi ("Cleopatra Schwartz") plays the evil priestess, though they don't really use her to good advantage. If nothing else, Jim Kelly has one of filmdom's great afros. Solid.

TV4U / IMDb

Verdict: Meh to fair.

The Phantom Empire from Fred Olen Ray is an homage to the Gene Autry sci-fi western serial of the 1930s. It has some big genre names in it, like Ross Hagen (Mini-Skirt Mob), Jeffrey Combs (The Re-Animator), and Sybil Danning (Their Playing with Fire). Also, Dawn Wildsmith of Star Slammer, who does a great job in playing a male role without it looking cartoon-ish. Overall, though, the movie is pretty stupid.

Netflix DVD / IMDb

Verdict: Not even bikini-clad cave-girls saved it.

Sex Galaxy - sounds dirty, doesn't it? Well, it is, but not so graphically as you might expect. It is done in the style of What's Up, Tiger Lily?, in that the film is pieced together from other films with a new script and overdubbing. It is built from old sci-fi films, personal hygiene films, stag reels of strippers (notably, Virginia "Ding-Dong" Bell), and other early Cold War advertising and propaganda. The premise is that the Earth has gone to hell, and to conserve resources, sex between unmarried people has been outlawed. What's a red-blooded man to do? Go out into space to find sex. While not as well done as WUTL? (which had the advantage of not having English for the source material), it is funny. There is some new footage featuring porn actress, Puma Swede.

Netflix / IMDb

Verdict: Funny, in a dick and fart joke fashion.

Jawbreaker is one of my favorite movies. Rose McGowan, Pam Grier, Carol Kane, Marilyn Manson, The Donnas. Teenage murder and revenge. Cool music. I don't like a ton of high school movies, but I love Jawbreaker. The story? Three popular girls accidentally kill the most popular girl in school. When the mousy nerd girl Fern finds out, they fix things by making her popular. Unfortunately, that was not the great plan they thought it would be. This is an awesome, subversive film.

Read Yum-Yum's review at House of Self-Indulgence.

Netflix DVD / IMDb

Verdict: Excellent. Watch it. Do.

Cherry 2000 is a grim future story of a boy and his sex robot. Well, there is more than that, but that's the driving premise. It's funny and odd. Laurence Fishburne appears briefly as a sex lawyer. Melanie Griffith is a "tracker" hired to find the replacement sex robot, and there is a funny tribe of people who live by the 1950's ideal.

Netflix / IMDb

Verdict: I have gone years without seeing this, and it probably could have been a few more.

Star Trek the Motion Picture is one I just barely remember from my childhood. This, in my opinion, the forgotten Star Trek film. It is pretty cool, in that it is very Star Trek. Not a bunch of dogfights or laser blasts. There is a problem to be solved, a menace to be avoided. Granted, there are better Star Trek films, but I like this one as well. A bit of trivia; the theme music was the same they eventually used for ST:TNG.

Netflix / IMDb

Verdict: I really like it, but I like Star Trek.

V for Vendetta is a lovely subversive story, so I like it. Imagine Batman out to get the government. Natalie Portman is the real star, playing a young woman with a complicated past who gets involved with the wanted mystery man, "V." The action takes place in fascist England after America has fallen apart. Lots of conspiracy theory in play, but is done well.

Netflix DVD / IMDb

Verdict: Very good.

Bachelor Party in the Bungalow of the Damned has a group of mid-tier douche bags heading to the Hamptons for a bachelor party. Their weird, nerdy friend owns the house they are going to, and does not want any women there. When the strippers show up, he is pissed, and in horror movie fashion he has good reason. It took me a while to warm up to this one, but the last thirty minutes were pretty good. Despite many flaws (mostly due to the low budget) it was a pretty endearing movie. The Brits rate this "18" which would be an "X" in the States, but aside from titties, gore, and some deviant sexual references it is not that filthy.

Netflix / IMDb

Verdict: Not bad. If you watch it, be sure to watch the credits. They sold me on the filmmakers.

Zombie Strippers! has Robert Englund and Jenna Jameson in a near future where George W. Bush is entering his fourth term as President. How's that for scary? Because of the ten wars going on, "W Corp" has created a zombie virus to create soldiers. When the virus escapes, and a zombie bites a stripper (Jameson), she returns as a zombie. Females retain their consciousness, while men become the more typical flesh-eaters. When the zombie strippers prove more popular than the live ones, they all begin to turn. The strip club owner (Englund) decides he could make a fortune; who cares if the girls eat a few patrons? Jenna Jameson does not do much for me, but she's surprisingly good in this. Englund is funny and creepy, and Tito Ortiz plays a wimpy bouncer who runs and hides whenever there is trouble.

Netflix / IMDb

Verdict: A pretty good comedy/horror.

Finders Keepers, Lovers Weepers is one of the more odd Russ Meyer films. Not so much that the story is odd. Paul owns a successful strip club and whores around. His wife, Kelly, can't stand him. A conspiracy of seedy elements has arisen to rob his club, but everything goes wrong. Simple. The weird part is that there are so few noticeable Russ Meyer regulars, and Uncle Russ did not do his own camera work. It is definitely one of his films though. Pretty underrated, if you ask me.

IMDb

Verdict: Pretty good. Anne Chapman is awesome.

The Immoral Mr. Teas is an early Russ Meyer film; one of his "nudie cuties." It has a lot of classic Meyer elements, like the narrator berating the ills of modern society, while plying flesh like a Ralph Bakshi cartoon. The story is of Mr. Teas going through a few days where he is beset by beautiful women. He begins having day dreams about the women he sees everyday. No real conclusion or moral, just a chance to perv on chicks by proxy.

IMDb

Verdict: Cute and nostalgic.

WIP Wednesday: Hell Penitentiary (Gianni Siragusa, 1984)

Hell Penitentiary, or Detenute Violente, is an Italian softcore porn film disguised as a women in prison film. It has all the regular features necessary for WIP, but also has that bizarre European belly-kissing faux-sex that is rarely titillating under the best of circumstances, even less so here. Also, there is something weird going on with the cast, or the cinematographer perhaps. There are some seriously ugly people in this one, but then in a later scene they are attractive. I call it the "Two-Face Syndrome" and most everyone here has it.

Two images of Warden Landers. Granted, she's no goddess, but there is a definite difference between the two pictures.

I am tempted to say this terrible, but then I wonder if it is not rather good. The dialogue is atrocious, but that could be a bad translation. The story is simple. There are no sex-slavery side-plots. It is not a fake prison to front some other nefarious purpose. It is just a corrupt prison with a sadistic warden and a perverted governor. That is where the greatness lies, if there is indeed greatness to be had.

The Governor does some light reading.

Ajita Wilson (Macumba Sexual, Sadomania) is billed as the star, but the true lead is Julie Rogers, played by Linda Jones (Hell Behind the Bars and oddly, an uncreditted bit in Star Wars: A New Hope as Chall Bekan according to the IMDb). Eureka (Ajita Wilson) is the HBIC, who rather than tormenting Julia becomes her lover. The sadistic Warden Landers (Rita Silva, also in Hell Behind the Bars) has no agenda, save to have her lesbian playthings, maintain control, and inflict punishment.

Linda Jones as "new meat" Julia Rogers.

The story? Julia's sister is involved with a powerful man, but cheating on him with a gangster. The powerful man gets pissed and has the pair killed. Julia gets a call from the prison, an anonymous trustee tips her off that a witness is there. Unable to find the girl on the prison records, Julia gets herself thrown in jail so she can figure things out from the inside. Those plans always look good on paper. Julia runs afoul of the warden, after becoming the prison doctor's assistant. Her snooping became to obvious, and Landers has to lay the smack down. Of course, the other prisoners are planning a revolt, led by a hesitant Eureka.


Despite its many flaws, and there are many, the film tries hard and is true to the WIP format. If you have a perfectly sensible leg fixation, you will not be disappointed. Besides the typical shirt and panties prison uniform, the inmates wear an array of '80s mini-skirts. Pants, apparently were not introduced to Italian women for some years to come. If you are a fan of clumsy segues, they avoid any attempt by simply transitioning via a less-than enthusiastic sex scene, which are numerous, but thankfully short. Gianni Siragusa is like the Monty Python of Eurosleaze. Don't know how to end a scene? Get naked and kiss each others bellies. It is the softcore equivalent of having a cop come in and say, "what's all this then?"


Some of the cast is remarkably good, particularly Rita Silva, who despite having a few years on her fellow actresses, plays sexy better than the rest. Linda Jones is pretty good for this type film, though she is a tank. She seems insanely tall, and is built like a linebacker. Fortunately, her acting is not bad, though it is always hard to tell with dubbed films.

So, to close, this is a good WIP entry, but likely for genre fans only. Of course, if you are a leg person, by all means...


Netflix / IMDb

Ingrid Pitt (1937-2010)

Ingrid Pitt was one of my first horror obsessions. She is best known for playing Mircalla Karnstein in Hammer Films' The Vampire Lovers. While notorious as a lesbian vampire titty movie, The Vampire Lovers is an excellent Hammer effort. It was based on J. Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla, and is the tale of a female vampire who falls in love with a young woman. Pitt died today at the age of 73.

Pitt was born in Poland and was a Nazi concentration camp survivor who later escaped the Iron Curtain to reach the USA, living in a Native American reservation in Colorado. She later moved to Spain, and was cast in Where Eagles Dare with Clint Eastwood and Richard Burton.

I am not one for eulogizing, but I thought Pitt was an impressive woman who ranks with luminaries like Diana Rigg. She was beautiful and had an awesome presence.

Fan-Boy Icon #29

Who's super-bad? Jim "the Dragon" Kelly, that's who.

While it was not his first film, Jim Kelly hit the public consciousness in the Bruce Lee classic, Enter the Dragon. He went on to several blaxploitation films, including Black Belt Jones, Black Samurai, and Hot Potato. Kelly was a collegiate athlete before studying martial arts full time. He was not the first choice for "Williams" in Enter the Dragon, but made a last minute impression on producers when the original choice dropped out. After his film career slackened, Kelly became a professional tennis player on the senior tour.

I am no huge martial arts fan, but I do love Kelly's style. He has a touch of the Bruce Lee action, mixed with Muhammad Ali flair. If there is a better afro out there (aside from Pam Grier's) I want to see it.

Nerd Girl of Note #88

Smoking hot, and ridiculously awesome. In many ways Rosalba Neri is the queen of Eurosleaze. She did horror films, spy adventures, spaghetti westerns, erotic, and WIP films.

Born in Forlì, Emilia-Romagna, Italy, Neri won a beauty pageant and attended acting school. She was offered a place in The Actor's Studio, but declined. The IMDb lists her as being in 99 films between 1955 and 1985. She appeared in five films with Jess Franco, including The Castle of Fu Manchu, Island of Despair (aka 99 Women), and Deadly Sanctuary.

Some of my favorites are Lady Frankenstein, Hercules in the Haunted World, The Devil's Wedding Night, and The Castle of Fu Manchu. I like that last one more for Neri than the film as a whole. She is striking in it, and always grabs your attention.