Nerd Girl of Note #94

Hungarian born, New York raised Elizabeth Kaitan is one of sexploitation's better stars. Often we cannot imagine these starlets acting, rather they essentially portray themselves, and happen to be good looking and/or willing to get nekkid. While from an acting point of view this is not the best way to go about things, from a fan-boy point of view it is. Kaitan seems to be a generally nice person with a good sense of humor in most of her roles, and since everything I have seen indicates this I choose to believe it. Sue me. :-)

Somewhat oddly, one of Kaitan's earliest roles was a bit part in the Woody Allen film, Zelig. She had roles in two memorable horror series, appearing in Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 and Friday the 13th VII. Then there is Savage Dawn, Doctor Alien, Necromancer, Assault of the Killer Bimbos, South Beach Academy, and Virtual Encounters. She also took over the reins of the Vice Academy series from Ginger Lynn, appearing in installments three through six.

Of course, as I said in my review of Petticoat Planet, there have been bumps in the road. Petticoat Planet is one of them, but now I have learned that she works for conservative nut job David Horowitz. She has apparently been his secretary for years, and while that does not necessarily mean she shares his views I would find it hard to believe someone would work that closely with someone that strident just for a paycheck.

Oh, well. We'll always have Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity. They can't take that away from me.

Necromancer

Liz and the boom mike from Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity

WIP Wednesday: "The Concrete Jungle" (Tom DeSimone, 1982)

I'll admit it. Originally I liked exploitation movies for the same reason most people do. There are some naked chicks, maybe some simulated sex, murder and mayhem. You know Pam Grier is going to take her clothes off. Russ Meyer, even when his films have no nudity (yes, there are some) is going to provide a lot of jiggle. Roger Corman will give you crappy monsters assaulting bimbos. As I have matured (slightly, despite my years) I can see they offer more—at times. One of those times is The Concrete Jungle.

Reform School Girls (1986) was not Tom DeSimone's first WIP film. He also did Prison Girls 3-D (1972) prior to The Concrete Jungle. He also directed a lot of gay porn, so exploitation is his element. This film, despite being chocked full of the necessary exploitation and WIP elements, has a lot going for it. There are certainly shower-room fights, the rapey Guido prison guard, improvised knife fights, and the occasional skimpy outfit. There is the sleazy warden and the HBIC who are on cahoots to keep order and make some drug money on the side. The good girl who went to prison because of her skeevy boyfriend... The difference is in the amount of gratuitous sex and violence. Another modification, at least in my viewing experience, is that the "wise black mama" is portrayed as a Muslim, which is part-and-parcel for prison films where men are the inmates. The big draw is some remarkably good performances by several of the actresses.


One of the great things about exploitation is how directors and producers will effectively use actors and actresses who have passed their prime, as far as mainstream media is concerned. Jill St. John (Diamonds are Forever) plays Warden Fletcher who has teamed with HBIC "Cat" (television veteran, Barbara Luna) to maintain control in the prison through intimidation and drug addiction. Both actresses do an excellent job, and the over-the-top style typical of these films is kept to a minimum. Bad girl "Icy" (June Barret) plays an excellently twitchy junkie enforcer, and has some great scenes. Good girl Elizabeth, aka "Cherry", also gives a good performance as the wrongly accused prisoner who decides she has had enough. Eventually Elizabeth knocks Cat off her pedestal and the warden tries getting her to be the HBIC. Elizabeth wants nothing to do with this plan and with the help of a government oversight agent takes Warden Fletcher out of power.

This is a remarkably good WIP film that deviates from the norm just enough to be acceptable for most viewers. There is a lack of the sleazy lingerie typical of these films. They even go so far as to have Elizabeth sport some rather unflattering sweats through most of it. The girl/girl love is kept to a minimum; there is really just one example to set the tone. The rest is implied. This one is well worth watching, if you can find it. I have an R0 PAL DVD from the UK, but have been unable to find it in the US for standard DVD players. I am sure there is a torrent, but I try avoiding those as much as possible.

They always start with the glove.

A shower is better than a delousing spray.

Jill St. John

Elizabeth, Cat, and the previous HBIC.

"You belong to me, Cherry!"

Man, these prison birthings are so tedious.

"Mazel Tov!"

Shakedown!

Obligatory rapey Guido guard.

No one to beat me up anymore.

IMDb

Premature Book Review: The Tartar Steppe (Dino Buzzati, 1940)

This is my second book by Italian author Dino Buzzati. The first was The Bears' Famous Invasion of Sicily, which I partly read because Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) wrote an introduction. It was an interesting little book, similar to Animal Farm, in that the animals fought man's evil but then became like him.

The Tartar Steppe is the story of a newly commissioned officer, Lt. Giovanni Drogo, who is assigned duty at the remote Fort Bastianni. It is so remote that the people he passes along the way have never heard of it. Once Drogo arrives, he learns how truly isolated it is, having no town or amusements nearby, also he finds that no one is assigned a post there without requesting one. It is such a hardship assignment that the normal two years of duty counts as four in order to lure candidates in. He also learns that the place is completely unnecessary, as it protects a border on a desert that has never been crossed.

I find it very interesting on a few points. One, it has a creepiness to it, despite not being a horror or ghost story. The men of the fort seem to have a "village of the damned" quality, or are perhaps like the lotus eaters, yet not as happy. Also, with my being around the military, Drogo is put off by the inflexibility shown when it comes to adherence to regulation; even when danger might present itself regulation is the rule of the day. I see quite a lot of this rather senseless fixation to rules in the old retirees I work with, and while it is not of the extreme that Drogo encounters it is clear that Buzzati knows military men; particularly the career type.

Buzzati's style is quite nice. He is a journalist by trade, so typically his prose gets to the point. Chapters are rather short and his descriptions are vivid. You can see through Drogo's eyes, particularly in passages detailing his travels to the fort. Though I am not far into the book, it is compelling, and the reader feels Drogo's sense of hopelessness. I feel this will be the type book I will read numerous times over the coming years, and highly recommend it.

Fan-Boy Icon #33

Just phoning this one in. Inoshiro Honda (or Ishiro Honda) was the creator of one of the monster world's most famous terrors; Godzilla. He is largely responsible for many of Toho Studio's Kaiju releases.

Giftmas Rundown: "Leave those tiny women alone, you fool!"

If I learned anything this Giftmas, it is that I am now a worshiper of Mothra. Mothra's religion is quite simple. There are two major tenets:

1. Don't fuck with me, and I won't fuck with you.
2. Stop fucking with me, and I'll stop fucking with you.

So simple and elegant. Not quite the Golden Rule, but not quite an eye for an eye either. It is a, "I don't take any shit but don't hold a grudge" philosophy that suits me well, and I could stand to learn a thing or two from Her.

So, back to Giftmas. One of the numerous discs I got was the three film collection, Icons of Sci-Fi: Toho Collection, which has three films by Inoshiro Honda; The H-Man (1958), Battle in Outer Space (1959), and Mothra (1961). At this point I have only watched Mothra, as I can only subject Lady Whiteplume to so much Kaiju at a time. It is a very good transfer and has the Japanese and American release versions.

Mothra, like Godzilla, deals with man's imbalance with nature, particularly where nuclear weaponry is concerned. Shipwreck survivors are found on an island previously used for atomic testing, but are unharmed by the presumed radiation there. A joint scientific expedition between the Japanese and "Rolithicans" (read "Americans") travel to the island where they discover weird plants, natives, and some Barbie doll sized girls. One of the Rolithicans returns to the island an captures the girls, putting them on show, a la King Kong. This brings the anger of the natives, which in turn angers their goddess, Mothra. Mothra makes her way to Japan, but the evil doer has taken the girls to Rolithica, which looks an awful lot like San Fransisco.

Though Inoshiro Honda created Godzilla as well, Mothra is not as "professional wrestling" as the lizard king. There is less screeching and rubber suited battles, and more human activity (to my limited Kaiju experience, that is). It is a fun and fairly exciting movie, despite being a little laughable at times... Obviously, much of the special effects look cheesy, but are not bad when compared to similar movies from the time, like Fantastic Voyage or Hammer's sci-fi efforts. If you like Kaiju classics, or are a grown up Mighty Morphin Power Rangers fan, you probably like Mothra. The wife, who likes neither, when asked if she liked Mothra responded, "it was alright." So, a "Meh+" for normal viewers ;-)

The Your Future Show: Abstinence Only Education

Nerd Girl of Note #93

Making an impact with only two major roles to your credit is not an easy feat, though many well known actors and actresses have done it. One of my favorites is Alaina Capri. Capri starred in Russ Meyer's Good Morning... and Goodbye! and was a main character in Common-Law Cabin. Aside from that she walked across the screen in the post-Dean Martin, too old to play teenagers Jerry Lewis film The Delicate Delinquent.

While Capri has the obvious qualities that appealed to Russ Meyer, she had the less obvious qualities as well. Meyer's films are melodramatic cartoons, but she has some serious acting skills. She doesn't just deliver lines and wiggle her tits. In the two Meyer films she is a hard-boiled man-eater. She plays mean with the best of them, and I dare say has some of filmdom's most wicked eyebrows. She could give Leonard Nimoy and Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson a run for their money.

Unfortunately, the man who introduced Alaina Capri to the world is also the one that made her leave us. She was not afraid to be sexy, having been Miss Muscle Beach at sixteen, and sporting a bikini in much of her time with Meyer, but she was not interested in appearing nude. Meyer, however, used some footage in Good Morning... and Goodbye! that was less allusion and more graphic than she had agreed to [clip], which drove her from Hollywood and into a teaching job. She was always afraid that her identity would come out. Meyer never let on, and despite some hurt feelings she attended his funeral.

Here is a great little clip of Capri in Good Morning and Goodbye! where she displays some good range for the type movie. Remember, this ain't Citizen Kane.



And just for kicks, walking by Frank Gorshin (The Riddler) and a friend in The Delicate Delinquent.

WIP Wednesday: MIP Edition with "Oz" (Tom Fontana, 1997-2003)

Just to give an example of how prison stories can be both exploitive and smart, as well as to show the kind of treatment in WIP is not specifically misogynous, we shall take a look at Tom Fontana's well loved series Oz.

Now, Oz had six seasons and fifty-six episodes to do what they wanted, so there were lots of story lines and major players could change, but deep down it had all the basics of a WIP epic.

First, we have the "new girl" Tobias Beecher (Lee Tergesen). Beecher was a wealthy attorney who killed a girl on a bicycle while driving drunk. While not something to easily pass off as a mistake, he was hardly of the thug or killer types he would soon become associated with. Almost immediately he falls prey to the "head bitch in charge."

Our "HBIC" is Vern Schillinger (J.K. Simmons). Vern is the local leader of the Aryan Brotherhood and decides to make Beecher his bitch, going so far as to brand a swastika on his ass. Schillinger is a killer, and the one guy nobody fucks with. Sure, there are other major bad guys, but Schillinger is there from start to finish, while most of the others fall prey to their competitors.

Our "wise black chick" is Kareem Said (Eamonn Walker). Said is the leader of the black Muslims, and often sides with new girl Beecher against his enemies, but ultimately his own people are more important to him.

The evil controller is partly Warden Leo Glynn (Ernie Hudson), but is more accurately Governor James Devlin (Zeljko Ivanek). While Warden Glynn hates the bulk of the prison population and is not above extreme punishment, Gov. Devlin is the corrupter who abuses his power and forces Glynn to more extreme measures.

There are two big "matrons" - one of which is actually female. Martin Querns (Reg E. Cathey) is straight out of a WIP classic. He plays the factions against each other and promotes the drug trade as it keeps the inmates complacent. The big sadistic matron is Officer Claire Howell (Kristin Rohde). She torments the inmates, and rapes several of them. She's like all the pussy-hound guards in a standard WIP.

Of course, the biggest WIP parallel is in the nudity. There are cocks-a-plenty in Oz, and I am starting to think I have seen every man on Law & Order nude (many cast members from the various Law & Order shows are in Oz). This begs a question with me. Why is nudity brave for Chris Meloni's (Law & Order SVU, Bound), but Lina Romay's nudity trashy? In Oz, the nudity is primarily in the same places as your typical WIP film; shower scenes and when prisoners are in "the hole." Nudity automatically implies vulnerability. Getting your ass kicked while naked, or being in solitary creates tension. It still carries a degree of gratuitousness, whether the subject is male or female.

Obviously, there is way too much that could be discussed about Oz. There were numerous characters and storylines, and some of the players change sides, but the entire show boils down to Beecher versus Schillinger. I did not see the end of the show, but I got the feeling Beecher and Schillinger were coming to terms. If that is the case, then we have another WIP element in full effect. The good girl and the HBIC always join forces... Maybe I'll catch it someday?

Netflix / IMDb

Archaic Game Material: Desktop Dungeon

This is more faux archaic. Desktop Dungeon is a throwback-styled adventure game that mimics 8bit games like Telengard as well as board games like Gauntlet. You start with basic races and classes, and the more often you defeat levels the more options you get. It is a free game and customizable. All the sprites are 20x20 pixel PNG files, so you can modify or recreate any of them you want. I play a priest a lot, but did not like his pink robes and cross, so mine has green robes and an orb-topped staff.


The game is very addictive, and not easy to beat. It is more puzzle based than reflex based, and has fair role playing elements. There are altars to the various gods in the dungeons, and you get piety points based on your behavior; some do not like you to kill creatures of a lower level than yourself, some relish all slaying, some want you to eschew magic. The piety points can be built up to buy boons, or favors, from your god.

If you want to check it out, go to QCF Designs and download it. Big ups to Shon Richards for pointing it out to me.

The Your Future Show: The Zombie Apocalypse

Nerd Girl of Note #92

Call me crazy, but I have always loved Sandra Bernhard. She has, throughout her career been this outsider that does not go away. She is clever, funny, and yes sexy, but just does not fit in with the mainstream. Of course, as George Carlin said, "the reason the mainstream is referred to as a stream is because of its shallowness." Of course, that is not to say that if you don't like her we have a problem. She is not for everybody. Fortunately she knows it.

Sandra appeared on many shows during the 1980s and 1990s, notably as a lesbian on Roseanne. She was also in The King of Comedy with Robert DeNiro and Hudson Hawk with Bruce Willis.

A film adaptation of her one-woman show titled Without You I'm Nothing (Netflix) is extremely funny, and she embraces the ambivalence the public feels for her. Each time the emcee introduces her he calls her "Sarah Bernhard" and the faux audience is typically shown as either bored or hostile towards her. In the end she sings Prince's "Little Red Corvette" and does a striptease. Before it is over you see that the crowd has left, save one woman who writes on the table before her in lipstick, "fuck Sandra Bernhard." It is an uncomfortable film. Not everything Bernhard says is funny, and many of the laughs are of the uncomfortable variety; that I feel is where the brilliance lay. She is very into art and high-fashion, both of which are supposed to shock, and often nothing is more shocking that pointing out the ridiculousness of one's self.

I'll close with a quote that I rather like, then some pictures.

"My father was a proctologist and my mother was an abstract artist, so that’s how I view the world."

Petticoat Planet (David DeCoteau, 1996)

It's a story as old as time. Guy falls for girl, girl lets him down, guy still loves girl. No, that is not the story of Petticoat Planet. It is the story of Darius Whiteplume and Elizabeth Kaitan. See, Liz starred in a little film called Slave Girls from Beyond Infinity, which is one of those rare exploitation films that lives up to its cover art. Mostly. Where did this love lead me? Straight to Petticoat Planet.

I hate to call the film bad, but it was 77 minutes and could have been trimmed down to 20; 25 tops. What's the story?

Twenty years ago, on a planet with apparently only one town, Puckerbush Gulch, every man in their existence was killed in a mining accident, and they had all of their sophisticated technology with them. Now, there are only women and they live a life like that of our old west, save that they do have a jukebox. When a spaceship crashes with one male aboard things get a little heated. Simple enough.

Now, exploitation movies have all kinds of faux sex in them. There is the European Belly Kissing style, the grunting shoulders above sheets style, even pretty blatant fake sex that could easily be imagined as real sex. I have never seen what I saw in Petticoat Planet though. Lets call it "lap dance sex." Imagine going to a strip club and watching a guy get a lap dance. Got that picture in your head? That is what the love scenes are. Frankly, it is about as erotic as Christmas dinner. Now, I'm not saying the fake sex should have been of another type, I'm actually admitting that it should have been cut. Of course, that would get them down to the 20 to 25 minutes I mentioned earlier.

Again, I hate to call it terrible. Elizabeth Kaitan is funny, as is Lesli Kay, who plays the sheriff. The third female lead, Betsy Lynn George, has her moments but is a little boring. The extras are humorous, and the costuming for them is cool. There are women dressed as every western archetype.

So, be warned. While it is fun and cheesy, you have to watch a lot of lap dancing with some of the smarmiest Texas blues I have ever heard. I'd love to chop this one down to size, but in all fairness the internet was not what it now back in '96, which means nekkid chicks were not so easy to get hold of, and porn video was more than just a Google search away. Were we ever so young?

WIP Wednesday: Girl Slaves of Morgana le Fay (Bruno Gantillon, 1971)

AKA Morgane et ses Nymphes.

This one rides the lines between many genres. It is a fairy tale, a Sapphic sexploitation piece, a supernatural horror, and at its base a sort of women in prison bordering on nunsploitation film.

Two young women, Françoise (Mireille Saunin) and Anna (Michèle Perello) are traveling through the French countryside. They stop at a tavern populated by men look like they are from the middle ages and a creepy hunchback dwarf. The innkeeper brings there drink, then warns them to leave. Before they notice, the dwarf has shuffled off. Returning to their car, the girls become lost, seemingly driving in circles. They find an abandoned farmhouse and decide to spend the night, keeping each other warm in an interesting fashion.

Come morning, only Françoise is around. She looks for Anna to no avail. She does, however, discover the dwarf who beckons her to follow. He leads her to the island castle of Morgana le Fay (Dominique Delpierre). The dwarf has vanished, but Françoise finds herself amongst Morgana's handmaidens, and discovers that not everything is how it seems.

The movie is a little slow paced, but beautifully shot. They take great advantage of the local scenery and usable parts of the castle. Despite the fantastical elements, it fits in with standard WIP protocol quite nicely. Morgana is obviously the warden, and Gurth (the dwarf) plays the head guard role. Morgana's three handmaidens are more "trustees" and act as HBIC together. Françoise as the new girl has captured the lust of Morgana, and the three HBICs, Yaël, Sylviane, and Sarah, decide to take things into their own hands. Also, Gurth is none too happy about his position.

The movie is not overly graphic, except a bit during the climactic lesbian orgy scene where Françoise makes her escape with the assistance of Gurth and the three handmaidens. The Mondo Macabro transfer is beautiful, and apparently taken from a very good print. There are very few film flaws, and everything is clear and sharp.

This is a great film for horror, Eurosleaze, LGBT, or Women in Prison fans, as it is not clearly any of those. Fans of legs and/or pervy dwarves will also be pleased.

Netflix DVD / Mondo Macabro / IMDb

The Black Gestapo (Lee Frost, 1975)

Quite possibly the weirdest blaxploitation of all time, The Black Gestapo features Night Court's "Mac" (Charles Robinson) as the second-in-command of a government funded para-military group, The People's Army, who breaks off to form his own army, with less than altruistic intentions.

The People's Army is supposed to help keep mobsters out of Watts, but the mobsters start leaning hard on business owners and criminal elements. The more militant elements of The People's Army start to lean back, led by Colonel Kojah (Robinson) despite the wishes of their leader, General Ahmed (Rod Perry, S.W.A.T., The Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman). Once the splinter group has eliminated the white run mob, they begin to take over their business, running the gambling, prostitution and narcotics in the area, as well as waging war on their old leaders.


It is an interesting story of people being corrupted by power, and typical of revolutionary groups that deny their spoken intent and become what the purported to hate. It happened in the French Revolution with the Reign of Terror, with the Bolshevik Revolution with Stalinism, and as here with the growth of the National Socialists under Hitler who eliminated his rivals to concentrate his own power.

Now, Kojah does not call himself a Nazi, and arguments can certainly be made about the similarities between the Nazi's racism and the racism of the black power movement, but where this one falls in line best is with the rise of Fascism. Fascism is not of itself racially biased, but rather a totalitarian form of government that does not allow for difference of opinion. This is Kojah's main tendency, however, like most groups of this type he becomes what he hates. He becomes a drug dealer and pimp who extorts the people he claims to protect, and despite his penchant for black nationalism he has a white concubine (Uschi Digard) whom he trusts implicitly. Of course, once General Ahmed discovers what Kojah is doing he decides to fight back, particularly when they try to have him killed. He wages a one man war against the splinter group and of course arises victorious.

Netflix / IMDb

Fan-Boy Icon #32

Long time followers will know that the only genre I like better than WIP is blaxploitation. Today we'll look at a man who played some bit parts in blaxploitation before moving on to more mainstream films and television; Carl Weathers.

I won't rehash the Wikipedia article, just that Weathers is from Louisiana (my favorite state that is not North Carolina), played linebacker for the Oakland Raiders under John Madden and the British Columbia Lions. He went on to acting afterward. Two films that stand out for me are Friday Foster (Arthur Marks, 1975) with Pam Grier and Yaphet Koto, and of course Rocky (John Avildson, 1976).

In Friday Foster, Weathers played "Yarbro", an assassin hired to take care of some problems, initially a politician, and eventually Friday herself (Grier). While Friday Foster was a less serious film than Coffy and Foxy Brown, Weathers' role in particular made it quite interesting and an example of the finer points of blaxploitation. Yarbro was not some thug with a gun, nor some killer pimp type. He was the type assassin you were used to seeing as a white character. He was serious and efficient, despite ultimately failing in his mission (it's not like the stars get killed, come on). I don't believe Yarbro says a word in the entire film, which I always love. The silent killer who does not talk a lot of smack is the most dangerous kind. We need more of those in film.

I think we all know Weathers from the Rocky films, where he played "Apollo Creed", the champ in the first film, and Balboa's mentor in later films. Again, I feel this was a strong role for a black actor at the time. While Creed was certainly showy in the ring and at press conferences behind the scenes he was a serious business man with a good mind; not the way we think of boxers typically. Also, in many ways Creed was "The Man" in that he called the shots and was the antagonist. I think guys like Sean "Puffy" Combs and Jay-Z must have looked up to Creed in their youth. Creed had class where Balboa spends his winnings on a fancy jacket and a tiger; winding up as a leg breaker for the mob before returning to boxing.

Carl has done a lot of work since, notably Action Jackson and Predator. You can see his credits at The IMDb. Also, he is on Twitter and seems like a hell of a nice guy. Almost all of his Tweets are responses to fans. When I mentioned how much I loved Friday Foster he responded, "Man, that picture was made in the 'ice age'.:-)"

UPDATE

I rewatched Friday Foster, and Yarbro does in fact have some lines; he talks to Friday Foster's little brother.

The Your Future Show: The Comic Book Blogger

Technology: The GIMP

How Did You Get Here?

#1 Search Term "Heather Thomas"

Just looking over my blog stats, and here are some notes; just for fun. Date of recording is apparently June 2010.

Hits: 239,398

Top Three Posts:

1. Hotties of Yore: Jayne Mansfield and Sophia Loren (15,940)
2. Hotties of Yore: Helen Mirren (7,380)
3. Nerd Girl of Note #50 (Lynda Carter) (6,376)

Top Three Traffic Sources (all awesome blogs, btw)

1. Grantbridge Street and other Misadventures
2. Retrospace
3. The Groovy Age of Horror

Visitors are primarily from The US, Canada, Europe and Australia. I do have some viewers from Iran and Malaysia. Welcome! Though, I have not seen any hits from Iran this week; I hope I am not blocked there?

Biggest commercial referrers are Google, Yahoo Image Search, and Google UK.

Top Three Search Terms, and Number of Related Posts by Me

1. Heather Thomas (1)
   
2. Raquel Welch (5)
   
3. Jamie Lee Curtis (2)
   

Nerd Girl of Note #91

Prior to seeing Dario Argento's Mother of Tears I had never heard of Moran Atias, but she has a fair number of credits to fit her in this category. She played the main witch in Mother of Tears, Mater Lachrymarum, but was also in the Will Ferrell remake of Land of the Lost, and appears in the recent The Next Three Days.

Atias is an Israeli, and began her acting career at fifteen on television. She later became a model and spokesperson, notably (to me at least) she was the city of Milan's official spokesperson against animal cruelty (and graffiti, for some reason). She was also the host of the Israeli version of Deal or No Deal. She is the creator and host of the Italian radio show "Shaker" on RTL 102.5. Atias appears in Bill Eagles' film Disturbed, which has not yet had wide release.

Links:

• IMDb
• Wikipedia
• Official Site (?)