Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Tale of the Interview Thong

I am pretty secure in my sexuality, and tend to not care about the silly lines between masculine and feminine. I have already mentioned that I carry a purse, and do not call it a messenger bag or shoulder bag. It's a purse. For the most part I am a fairly neutral dresser. T-shirt and jeans, normal shoes typically. In some ways it is my camouflage. I am not as big in person as I might seem online, at least not with strangers, so I tend to blend into the background clothes-wise. Grays and greens predominate my wardrobe. Nothing says "look at me." I do have a few flashy weaknesses, one is socks. I have some oddball socks, and they are often the place to find a break from my otherwise demure monotony. This is what brings me to today's story. Empress Kate was talking about weird socks and I made an offhand comment about "the interview thong" with every intention of the eyebrow-raising implications.

When I was a younger man, with a younger man's stupidity in the ways of women, I was returning to Greenville, NC to visit the now-wife on Valentine's Day. We were to have dinner and stay in the closest thing to POSH that Greenville had to offer at the time. Being young and somewhat silly I got flowers and chocolates, and decided to stop at one of your classier adult establishments for "party favors." I won't go into details, but before I could check out I came across a men's thong in a rather bright, shiny purple. Purple has always been my favorite color, and the wife always wore thongs. "I shall be adventurous," I thought and added it to my bundle. Well, other than perhaps a giggle or two it did not really have an effect and promptly found its way to the back of the underwear drawer, that is until I got a call to interview for my first real job since graduation.

I am a terrible interviewee. I am nervous, and twitchy, and tend to talk to much. I hate the buildup. I am never prepared. I had to do something.

I must tell you, sitting in a job interview wearing a shiny purple thong under your gray suit is quite the nerve stabilizer. I don't know what it is. Maybe I knew that even though I was totally lying about myself to the interviewer, in my pants at least I was the weird guy I always knew I was? Maybe there was even some strange paranoid fear of the interviewer finding out about my violet secret? Whatever it was, it took my mind off my interview fear, and I somehow got the job.

Well, the interview thong is no more, but I do make it a point of wearing weird underwear to an interview. The thrill is gone now, but I still pay homage to my little purple life saver. Thank you shiny purple thong, wherever you are.

14 comments:

Tenebrous Kate said...

OK, that is one of the awesomest stories I'm going to read this week. I'm not even going to bother unpacking the implications--I'll just say I love it in every possible way :)

Lisa said...

I am sitting here, unable to sleep and reading this story.
I never thanked nature more for my insomnia :D

I agree with Kate. A+

Darius Whiteplume said...

My work is done here. :-)

Lisa said...

Too much 'I' in my comment, althoug it is about YOU. Shame.

Darius Whiteplume said...

Not at all.

Wings said...

Too awesome. No, perfectly awesome. All of it.

Lockwood said...

High-larious! You deserve the bloggy link I just posted, more than I can say.

Kal said...

That was some heavy duty confession there. Socks and a purse? Fabulous. Purple thong in an interview? EPIC. I don't think I would have been able to focus. I would have had to try very hard not to get up and perform a dance number for dollars. Well fives because our one and two dollar denominations come in coin form. Great story.

chris said...

Lucky Purple Thong would be great band name.
Thanks for the wonderful story.

Darius Whiteplume said...

Sometimes I am the kid who eats bugs to get attention. ;-) Glad you all liked it.

Daskaea said...

That is the happiest thing I have read all day. Thank you for the smile, Darius. *^__^*

Darius Whiteplume said...

I have never made so many women happy before. :-)

Donna said...

I love this story! I'm still giggling. Thanks for making me smile!

Darius Whiteplume said...

Thanks for making me smile back :-)

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