Kick Ass (Matthew Vaughn, 2010)

Remember when Blogger died a few weeks back? Well, it ate my review of Kick Ass, and for the life of me I can't remember what I wrote. I will tell you this, I did not care for it.

I am not a big morality guy, but I think if you have a code you should be consistent about it. The Catholic Church is against abortion and the death penalty. I can appreciate that. Kick Ass mixes its messages, and frankly falls apart because of it.

We have a young man who is tired of being victimized, and sick of the world's apathy. So he becomes a super hero. He doesn't use guns, and doesn't want to kill. He is found by a father-daughter duo of Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage) and Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz). These two are out for revenge, and are a more accurate portrayal of what super-heroes would be in a non-super-powered world. They are heavily armed killers, and kind of fucked in the head. Once Big Daddy is killed, the formerly non-lethal Kick Ass joins Hit Girl and begins gleefully mowing down evil minions.

The biggest problem here is that it is all cause and no effect. The heroes experience extreme trauma, and the film is quite graphic, yet at the end they all live happily ever after. Sure, lots of comic books are this way, but at least Batman is traumatized and driven to further lengths in his crime fighting and Spider-Man is haunted by the death of Uncle Ben (a death caused by his Peter Parker's inaction). To the movie's (and I assume comic book's) credit, Big Daddy, at least, is very much what The Punisher or Batman would be. He is not sane, and they don't pretend he is. He deludes himself about his sanity, but it is clear he has a pretty severe personality disorder.

Cage is the highpoint of the film, though they never flesh his character out enough. Really, it should have been Big Daddy and Hit Girl, as Kick Ass was more of a footnote; a way to introduce the two to the viewer. Their story is more compelling, and given the extra time that was wasted on Kick Ass we could have had a more solid tale.

Aside from some cool fights early on (this film blows its wad in the first thirty minutes) and watching an eleven year-old swear there is not much to look for here. As a film it was less original than I hoped, and frankly less honest that I expected.

Premature Book Review: The Warlock (Michael Scott, 2011)

The fifth book in the"Secrets of the Immortal Nicholas Flamel" series by Michael Scott is the penultimate installment of the series, and not a moment too soon for me. I have been trying to shun young adult series books, but feel compelled to finish those I have started. This is my last series, then I go cold turkey.

As the next-to-last book, this one is building to the final confrontation. It is fairly convoluted, as most every character that has survived the first four books is showing up, along with new ones, plus we have the added confusion of time travel. It is still enjoyable, but less fascinating than the first two... even, perhaps the second two. It has a bit of an "oh shit, we only have two books left" feel while still feeling that Scott knows where he is going... if that makes sense?

If you have read the series so far, you will obviously want to read this one. The problem is remembering everyone and everything that has happened thus far. The major players have changed little, and are the core of the narrative, but they get a bit washed out by all the other characters. Dr. John Dee and Virginia Dare are the focus, while there is a nice bit of the growing friendship between Machiavelli and Billy the Kid. I get the feeling Machiavelli is going to go Severus Snape on us, but it is hard to tell.

As for those of you who have not started the series... Well. If you like YA literature, and like fantasy, and do not mind reading six books to get a conclusion, you should give it a try. If you don't care to invest that kind of time in a series, don't bother. The first two books might suck you in, but they are unsatisfying individually. There is always the cliffhanger, and the reminder that "nothing is over yet" looms large. You can see my previous mentions of the series here.

By the way, if Daniel Handler is reading this I will obviously make an exception for a new Lemony Snicket series. ;-)

UPDATE

As I near the end of the book it becomes more compelling. They do spend a lot of time covering older material and reacquainting you with secondary characters, but at the half-way point it turns around. Unfortunately, the excitement seems to be just building to the final book, and a huge cliffhanger seems assured.

Quick Note on My Responsiveness

Friends, I try to be diligent in responding to comments (I love comments, so comment all you like). I typically check my email on my BlackBerry, but cannot easily respond to the blog that way. So, if I don't respond right away, don't feel bad. It is just forgetfulness on my part.

Maybe I'll figure out the new gmail and filter messages better.

Fan-Boy Icon #44 - Chris Hardwick @nerdist

One of the handful who is not afraid to proclaim their nerdliness is Chris Hardwick. Many of us first met Chris when he hosted MTV's Singled Out (man, do I feel old), and the less ubiquitous Shipmates and Wired Science. He is (was?) a writer for "Wired" magazine, and does tech reviews on G4's Attack of the Show segment "Geek Pr0n." If you get G4, you have likely seen Web Soup, a spin off of E!'s The Soup. On it they look at viral videos, and occasionally give shout outs to people on the web I have heard of. I once heard him exclaim "Wolfman's got gnards!" which is certainly a reference to blogger, Tweeter, and enemy of Robert Picardo's handlers, @wolfgnards. He does stand-up comedy as well. Check the site for all that jazz (below).

The easiest way to get your Hardwick on is to check out his website, nerdist.com, Twitter, or podcast. Sure, he's on Facebook and MySpace, but really, is it still 2002? ;-) I listen to the podcast regularly and have mentioned it here before. It is always a good time, and there are some awfully interesting guests.

Nerd Girl of Note #114 - Aishling Morgan

It is not always easy to find information about people, even in this age of the interwebz. Believe me, my Google-Fu is strong; bordering on stalker level. Aishling Morgan is one of those elusive characters, like recent NGoN Julie Guthrie.

Here is the basic skinny. Morgan writes erotica. We have touched on her novel Satan's Slut here. I am assuming "Aishling Morgan" is a nom de plume, but am also assuming she is actually female; not that that matters, but stylistically she is either female or a very talented male impersonating one. Why, though, are we including a writer of erotica here? All shall be revealed.

Morgan did a series of four books known as "The Maiden Series" which takes place in the fantasy setting of "The World" which is comprised of three continents; Kora, Apraya, and Cypraea. There is role playing game is based on this world, created by Morgan, that seems to have a simple dynamic. There are four Basic Attributes (experience, dexterity, intelligence, and constitution) and eight Additional attributes (power, allure, pride, craft, greed, guile, wisdom, and wealth). Conflict is resolved on an attribute versus attribute roll. The various races have primary Additional attributes and predilections. The play is totally with d6s, and rather than using hit points you use ability vs ability, temporarily lowering the score of combatants until one's reaches zero. Example; you want to bluff your way into an orgy by using your guile on the doorman. You roll against his guile. Each time you win an exchange, his guile is reduced. You continue exchanges until one of you reaches zero and wins the exchange. Characters are not typically warriors, but can be. The eight races of the game have different benefits and potential powers. I have yet to play it, but it seems interesting.

I have begun The Maiden Series, which is available on eReaders, as is the RPG. As erotica, it is pretty good, as a story it is not as good as some of Morgan's work. It is comprised of four books; Maiden, Captive, Innocent, and Princess. Maiden follows three heroes, Elethrine, Princess Talithea and Elethrine's maid, Aisla. They had the poor judgment to infuriate a young witch who summons a demon to cast them across the globe. Their adventure is in returning home while trying to maintain their virginity. They are constantly under the aggression of slavers and pirates, as well as monsters and other perils. It is a decent fantasy, which is odd for an erotic book (in my limited experience).

Helpful Twitterers: @Logitech and @BlackBerryHelp

Twitter is a toy. I love it, but it is a toy for most of us. There is a lot of effort in business to make Twitter useful. "Follow us for the latest info on crap we sell!" Well, two have been very helpful to me of late, so I thought I'd give them a shout out.

@BlackBerryHelp is a certified account run by Research in Motion, the company that makes BlackBerry devices. I have asked questions about my Torch and they were very forthcoming with answers. What really pleased me is when I asked a question that some companies might shy away from. It is fairly common knowledge to BlackBerry users that there are times when you need to do a hard shut down of the device (this is true of most anything with an operating system). To do this you generally need to pull the battery. I was interested in a BlackBerry PlayBook tablet (still am, btw) but was concerned. "What do I do if it locks up? Can I pull the battery?" I asked @BlackBerryHelp, and instead of avoiding the question they explained the process. Unlike the phones, the PlayBook has a hard power switch. Very helpful, and will certainly go into my decision when I am ready to pursue a tablet.

@Logitech responded to a question about their gamepad software. I had pre-written a review (which was posted last Tuesday), but wanted to get things rolling, so I asked them on Twitter if they had any suggestions. Unfortunately, Twitter is not always the best place to explain things in detail, and the initial answer was very textbook. Understandable. When my post published I sent it their way as further description. Not only did they read the post, but answered the question in the comments. Helpful to me, but also helpful to my readers who might have, or are thinking about, a similar device.

Please note, this is not a sponsored review of either company, but I think we all know how frustrating customer service can be. When I find companies that are helpful I want to pass that along.

Short Movie Reviews

Nude for Satan is an Italian Devil Titty movie by Luigi Batzella, who brought us the wonderful The Devil's Wedding Night. It stars Rita Calderoni (Delirium, The Reincarnation of Isabel). The story is a bit confusing, but it is a beautifully made film. The locations and cinematography are top notch, and there are some unusually good visual effects, some with a green screen, and some with scene overlapping. You should check out Reverend Phantom's live review. He compares, accurately, this film to the following year's The Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Streams on Netflix.

Love & Other Drugs is a romantic comedy, and is little different from any other. Jake Gyllenhaal is a late '90s slacker turned drug rep promoting Zoloft, a new (at the time) competitor for the wildly popular Prozac. He falls for Anne Hathaway, who has early onset Parkinson's Disease. It is fun, and has its laughs, but aside from seeing a ton of naked Anne Hathaway is pretty forgettable. Not saying it is not worth watching. I was interested since the wife has been in medicine for years, so I am familiar with drug reps. It is not, perhaps, the most accurate representation of them, and I believe there are some anachronisms, but what do you want from a RomCom?

Watched on DVD.

Red Siren stars Asia Argento as a detective in an unnamed part of Western Europe. She comes in contact with a young girl who says her mother is a murderer. The girl runs from the police after questioning, and is chased by her mother's hired thugs. She happens upon a mercenary who belongs to a secret, private army, and he decides to protect the girl. I wanted to like this, but just could not get heavily into it. It was not bad, but there are likely better choices out there. Argento is a secondary character, so if you want to see it for her, you might pick another film.

Streams on Netflix.

Smoking Aces 2: Assassins' Ball is not what I expected. So much so that I did not finish it. Perhaps I was not in the mood? This is a talky movie, as by the 40 minute mark I was not aware of any gunfire. Maybe it is better than I gave it credit, but sometimes you just want some Gun-Kata, right? Maybe I'll give it another try, but for right now I am not recommending it.

Streams on Netflix.

Zombie Hooker Nightmare

Yet another Adult Swim game, Zombie Hooker Nightmare is from This Is Pop, and is a multi-directional scroller. You play Lola, the last hooker left alive. You mission is to collect the required number of johns and return them to your trailer. [link]


While on your quest you will find various weapons. Some melee, some thrown, and several firearms. There are also sacks of money, because you know, hookers love money, right? Weapons are only good for a limited number of uses. If you don't have a weapon you can punch. All attacks are with the space bar.


When you find a john, you have to lure him by hitting the "X" key. If he has not been lured to you he can be killed by zombies. Once you have him, however, he is yours. Return to the trailer and he will go in. You stay outside until you have lured enough of them. If a john is killed, he will respawn. Also note, you can kill johns before they are lured if you are not careful.

There are numerous zombie types. Initially there are green and yellow zombies. Green zombies are simple one-hitters, but can be trouble in groups. Yellow zombies have reach and typically take three hits. Red zombies will show up in early stages if you take too long. They take multiple hits, and have a projectile attack.

You can choose to start at "Episode 2" which is much harder, but has a variety of other weapons and some difficult monsters in addition to the zombies.


Now, if you like your zombies more festive, there is always the XXX-Mas Edition. [link]


This one seems more difficult still, as there are a host of baddies out to get you right away. There is the North Wind, which will impede your progress, and an ice queen who will freeze you. Your johns are elves this time, and there are, I believe, zombie Santas.

I am lousy at games of this type, but this one is fun despite my skill. It is so quirky and weird, with just enough perversity to make me happy. Well worth trying out.

Quills (Philip Kaufman, 2000)

Quills by Philip Kaufman gives me pause. I saw it years ago, and decided to rewatch it after Lockwood of Outside the Interzone asked me what I thought of it. Being a Sade enthusiast I am torn.

On the one hand, they do not shy away from l'Divine Marquis' depravity, nor the notion that his work was unprintable. They danced around the idea that he wrote specifically to be unread. Rather, they had his writing as a compulsion. Also, the way they made the villain (Michael Cain) a despicable hypocrite is a great addition.

On the other hand, I don't like that Sade wanted to make sure Kate Winslet's character was buried in a Christian fashion, and they kept his arguments with the priest (Joaquin Phoenix) to a minimum. But actually, these could be looked at in a different light.

Sade was a devout Atheist; aside from that we do not know what he really thought about much. His was a life of satire and parody; also a life devoted to pissing off those he hated. With this in mind, you have to be careful with what you think Sade means by his writing. For example, in most of his books there is a severe hatred for mothers. All of his major characters (aside from Justine) hate their mothers. Sade, however, in a letter to his stepson said the boy should cherish and love his mother. A desire to gain points with her or shut the boy up is a possibility, but as it is a personal correspondence he might be speaking his true beliefs.

Lockwood mentioned he "remember[s] coming away with more empathy for de Sade." This is likely the best part of the film, and one I initially missed, as I already loved the man. The Marquis de Sade spent roughly twenty-six of his seventy-four years imprisoned. He was imprisoned by King Louis XVI, Robespierre's Revolutionary government, and by Napoleon. That was nearly 35% of his lifetime, and his imprisonment was not due to any crime other than embarrassing his mother-in-law and being seen as immoral for his writings. The few violent and/or harmful crimes he was accused of found him either acquitted or pardoned. You can imagine him wanting to lash out.

So, as a Sade enthusiast, I do recommend this movie. It is not a completely accurate biography, to the best of my knowledge, but I feel it is an accurate dramatization of his life at the time. The main lacking is in the shadowing of his intelligence. He was a brilliant man with a great mind. His compulsion to write is, perhaps, accurate. Sade refused to buckle, even if offered freedom. Ultimately his philosophy might be boiled down as "to thine own self be true." Therefore, I do recommend the film to those uninitiated and interested. It streams on Netflix, and you can see some clips at Hulu.

Tech Tuesday: Logitech Gamepad F310

In case you have not noticed, I have been playing a lot of online games recently, of the Flash variety, mostly on Adult Swim Games. I hate using the keyboard, so decided I should get a customizable gamepad. I went with the Logitech Gamepad F310, mostly for price, and I do tend to trust Logitech's gear. [F310 link]

From a controller standpoint, it is fine. Very much a Playstation controller. Where it lacks is in the software that allows configuration.

First, each configuration must be tied to an application. If you play web games in Firefox, then you can only attach one configuration to Firefox. I tried to make a *.bat file that opened a link to a specific game in Firefox, but then it attached to the DOS window and not the browser. So, I picked the games I like to play most, and configured as many of them into one controller setup as logic would allow. Fortunately, Adult Swim tends to use the same button configuration on most new games (Space, Z, X, four arrow keys). You can set keystroke actions for all buttons, so I set the "Start" button to "P" as that is often the pause.

Now, the other problem is with the direction control. Take a game like Zombie Hooker Nightmare (which will be reviewed tomorrow, btw). Your character moves up, down, left,and right. On the keyboard you can move diagonally by pressing the two appropriate keys (up+right for example). Making the configuration software understand this is no treat. For a multiple key command you cannot just enter the keystrokes. The command entry is more for things like special moves or attacks (think Street Fighter). For direction, you either get a short move in the desired direction, or continuous movement in the desired direction; and by continuous, I mean perpetual—you cannot stop said movement.

All-in-all it is not a bad controller for online Flash games. Despite its limitations, it can make some of them more fun. You just have to get used to not going diagonally. As for the application attachment, many of us have multiple browsers installed, so radically different configurations could be saved to a less used browser program.

If you guys and gals have any tips on where I might be screwing up on the direction control, let me know. :-)

A Note on Advertising

Hello all,

Since you might only read this blog in a RSS reader I thought I'd mention two ads I have placed on the blog. These are free ads for two of my internet friends. No compensation for me, just trying to help a brutha out.

Ruby Tombstone is one of my Twitter buddies. Anytime I need a zombie discussion fix she is there for me. Ruby does etsy jewelry and other accessories with a horror and, may I say "deviant" flair. You can check out her etsy shop here. You can find her on Twitter here.

Long time friend of the Blog, Shon Richards, currently has five books for sale at Lulu. Shon is a talented erotica writer and a hell of a nice guy. If erotica is your thing, definitely get to Lulu and check him out. Find Shon on Twitter here.

As far as advertising in general goes, I admit I have considered it, but frankly would just like to support people I know and like. These are two of my favorites, so take a look.

Fan-Boy Icon #43 - Michael Keaton

Say what you will, out of all the '80s and '90s Batmen, Michael Keaton was the best. He was not a great Bruce Wayne, but as Batman, despite his height, he rocked. Batman is all attitude, and Keaton pull is off nicely. You might also note that the two Batman films he appeared in were the only ones worth watching.

Then of course there is the pop culture staple Beetlejuice, which allowed Keaton to be manic and obnoxious in a manner typically reserved for Robin Williams, but he was able to display a kind of menace that I don't think Williams is capable of. Even though it is a fairly cutesy movie, we know that Beetlejuice is trouble and we know it because of the malevolence Keaton brings to the role.

Other great choices are his two film role as Ray Nicolette in Jackie Brown and Out of Sight. Clean and Sober puts him in rehab, and is an early dramatic role. Johnny Dangerously is a great bit of farce and an awesomely good film. The last I'll mention is The Dream Team, which has a bit of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest about it, making Keaton an inmate a a sanitarium who wants to get out and learns to love his fellow crazies.

Nerd Girl of Note #113 - Alex Kingston

I am not a huge Doctor Who fan. I like it, yeah, but just don't get too crazy. The thing that has kept me interested is how awesome the companions always are. I love Sarah Jane Smith, Donna Noble and Amy Pond. Not sure that we categorize Dr. River Song as a companion, but she is way up on my list of favorite characters.

Many people my age will remember Kingston as Dr. Corday on ER, but I never liked that show. You might also enjoy her as Queen Boudicca in Masterpiece Theatre's Warrior Queen.

















BTW, this was supposed to be up last week, but Blogger ate it. :-(

Short Movie Reviews

T.N.T. Jackson is a Blaxploitation Kung Fu movie staring Playboy Playmate Jeannie Bell. I got this one on DVD, and the transfer is not so hot. The picture is grainy, and the sound is crackly. Jeannie is no Pam Grier, but no slouch either. Sure, her Kung Fu is obviously just choreography, but that is pretty standard. Stan Shaw ("Charlie") is the stand-out bad guy with decent fight scenes and an Afro set to challenge Jim Kelly's. He's a sleazy killer, but out acts the bulk of the cast. The other stand out is Jeannie Bell's stunt double, who does some ridiculously acrobatic stuff. You can see the change at times, but the transitions are still well done. Overall it is not bad, though not terribly original.

Who's Been Sleeping in my Bed? stars Dead Martin as a soap opera doctor who can't keep his friends' wives away. He is in love with Elizabeth Montgomery, but is too involved with the married women to commit. Also stars Carol Burnette, Jill St. John, Jack Soo (Barney Miller), among others, and features a striptease by the awesome Tura Satana. Funny movie, though I admit to only paying partial attention to it. Streams on Netflix.

Hot Potato is more Kung Fu than Blaxploitation, despite Jim Kelly reprising his role (sort of) as Black Belt Jones. Kelly and his two partners team up with the unwilling Irene Tsu, who shows off some pretty believable fight scenes. She would rather not have Jones and his misfit Americans along for the ride. Their mission is to save a kidnapped American girl with an important father. Despite some occasional goofiness, it is a cool film. The characters have more going on than many Kung Fu films, and it is not wall-to-wall fighting. Kelly is typically the most interesting fighter, showing off his, as Mr. Han put it, "unorthodox style."

Warrior Queen from Masterpiece Theatre stars Alex Kingston (Doctor Who) as Boudicca. It is the story of a Celtic queen in Britain fighting off the Romans. It is a good story, and not all blood and fighting, nor is it a strenuous history lesson. At an hour and a half it is a good telling of a historical footnote. The Roman emperors portrayed are Claudius and Nero, and it plays up their insanity without going all "Jack Nicholson" on you. It does get a bit brutal at times, so likely not for the kiddies.

K-9 and Company (1981)

Back in 1981 there was attempt to spin off a series from Doctor Who with his most popular companions; Sarah Jane Smith and the robot dog K-9. The 50 minute pilot is part of the two disc The Invisible Enemy set of Tom Baker episodes.

As a show it was quite good. Nothing alien or supernatural happens, but it is a scary mystery. Sarah Jane and K-9 never met on Doctor Who, and the premise is that The Doctor sends K-9 to his friend Sarah Jane. They are in a little hamlet where Sarah Jane plans to write a book, but then people start disappearing, and other oddness ensues. Not one to take things laying down, the intrepid Ms. Smith goes to work.

It is a good show, though frankly they could have done without K-9. He is very little of the show. I think his occasional appearances in The Sarah Jane Adventures makes more sense. Don't skip this one because you don't like silly robot dogs. You hardly see him, and he is not that bad. Available on DVD from Netflix.

Dungeons and Dungeons

Another great game from Adult Swim and This is Pop: Dungeons and Dungeons has you playing the master/slave duo of Sadie and Max. They are presenting "a night of extreme pleasure... and pain!" [link]

The game is a sort of Mega-Man or Castlevania styled scroller. You get your primary weapon, the whip, but there are other "toys" to be found. While the game is not overly dirty, it is not a kiddie game. Most of the enemies are very kink, related, and says semi-lascivious things when attacked.


The game play is rather simple. If you have a programmable gamepad you will likely find it easier. Run, jump, hit, collect. There are many secret areas, hiding either high-point items, or "pleasure beads" which you can collect for bonus lives.



I have had a lot of fun playing this one, and tried doing a detailed write-up, here. There are progressively harder levels, both in the maneuverability and difficulty of enemies. The final boss, The Orgasmatron, is fairly difficult to beat, but not impossible. One of the hardest parts of the game is that when you are hit, you drop your active "toy." This can be a real problem at times, particularly if you lose the feather, which allows you to fly.

Give it a shot some time, it is very enjoyable.

Casanova (Sheree Folkson, 2005)

Masterpiece Theatre and Doctor Who producer Russell T. Davies bring us the story of Casanova. David Tennant and the legendary Peter O'Toole portray the mythic lover, O'Toole recounting his tale, and Tennant in the remembrances.

I am not familiar with Histoire de ma Vie, or "The Memoirs of Jacques Casanova" and cannot speak to the authenticity of the story, but it is a well done tale, told in about four hours. It follows Casanova from his childhood to his death, ever in search of his one true love, Henriette. The story is fun and exciting at times, bawdy and lascivious at others, and ultimately bitter-sweet. Peter O'Toole plays Casanova nearing his death, in hiding and writing his memoir. A young girl, Edith (Rose Byrne, 28 Weeks Later, Damages, X-Men: First Class) discovers the old man who is currently a Duke's librarian. He begins relating his tale, partly in an attempt to seduce her, partly to shock, and partly to stave off loneliness. At 73 years of age O'Toole is still quite striking, and the wife acknowledged that he still has "the look." I am sure when pressed the old Irishman can activate the panty-melter. The scenes with Tennant, which make up the bulk of the screenplay have a decidedly Doctor Who look to them, no doubt due to Davies' involvement. It is a period piece with a difference, much like Amadeus or I would imagine Marie Antoinette (which also featured Rose Byrne). Tenant is all charm, and you can totally buy that women all over Europe are throwing themselves at him.

The rest of the cast is quite good, particularly Nina Sosanya as Belino (Love Actually, Doctor Who) and Laura Fraser as Henriette (A Knight's Tale, Vanilla Sky). The sets are costumes are quite interesting, and at times avante garde. It is hardly a stuffy tale many of us think of when we think Masterpiece Theatre. Unfortunately, this does not seem to be on Netflix. I purchased the single disc, two episode British version from Amazon. It is quite enjoyable, and worth looking for.

Bloody Mallory (Julien Magnat, 2002)

What do you get when you mix a hot leather-clad chick, a drag queen demolitions expert, demonic cults, papal conspiracies, vampires and other undead creatures, a little girl with strong psychic powers, and just for laughs kill a few nuns in the first 15 minutes? Possibly the most awesome movie ever, that's what.

Now, the film is in French with subtitles (at least on Netflix), but fortunately it is not too distracting. It is definitely a B-Movie with special effects very much like an episode of Charmed or Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but the coolness of the ideas make up for the budgetary constraints.

Mallory, the lead character played by Olivia Bonamy, was tricked into marriage with a demon. She killed her demonic spouse and in revenge movie style decided to go after supernatural predators of all types. She forms a secret government team with Inspector Durand as their government liaison, Vena Cava, the aforementioned drag queen demolitions expert, and Talking Tiny, a gifted psychic. They are called in on a case involving nuns being attacked by the undead, which leads them to a greater threat.

I was thoroughly impressed with this movie. It was funny, exciting, and the ideas are in my mind new to cinema. This is possibly the best B-Movie I have seen in a long time, though I am occasionally prone to hyperbole. You can see it free, though, so definitely check it out. It is a ton of fun.

Watch it on YouTube, Netflix, or Hulu.

Fan-Boy Icon #42 - Dino de Laurentiis

Say what you will about some of Dino de Lauretiis' films, he is a driving force in nerd cinema. He had produced 166 films before he died in 2010, many of which are fan-boy classics. Here are a few: Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer, Flash Gordon, Nights of Cabria, Danger: Diabolik!, Serpico, Death Wish, King Kong (1976), Orca, The Dead Zone, Dune, Army of Darkness, Barbarella, plus several Stephen King film adaptations and three Hannibal Lechter films. We do tend to make a big deal out of directors, and he has worked with some of the greats, but frankly without a producer many films would never be made. Think of the pop culture hole that would be left by removing any of these films; even Orca. ;-) Sr. de Laurentiis made the world a better place for nerds.

Random fact: cooking show presenter Giada de Laurentiis is his granddaughter.

The Corporatization of Nerd Culture, or "What Happened to Tom Baker?"

Imagine you go through school, then university, then your first big job. You do okay, and have success. Then you are offered a new job which distances you from your friends and old accomplishments. You are a bit of a wunderkind at the new job. New clothes, new fame, new people that are vastly different from what you are used to. Here's a question. Do you want these new people seeing your high school yearbook, or baby pictures? Likely not. You have recreated yourself, for better or worse, and would perhaps see these visions of your past as detrimental to your new fame. It is human nature. It is also, by proxy, corporate nature.

What does this have to do with nerd culture, you ask? Well, the three most successful sci-fi, nerd culture franchises are all victims of the above scenario; Star Wars, Star Trek, and most currently relevant, Doctor Who.

Star Wars is easy. Lucas is obsessive, and while the original three films are easily the best of the six, he wants to hide them from us. He is constantly adding footage and effects. What he has done is to destroy any record of three films that truly wowed people and made sci-fi acceptable to the cool kids. Star Trek is little better. Your main access to Star Trek these days is The Next Generation, the most popular, albeit most dated looking incarnation of the show. It does not have so much of what the public perceives as cheesiness from the original series; the hardest to get access to.

This brings us to Doctor Who. The new Doctor Who is doing staggeringly well, not just in the UK, but in the United States. In the US we have had very little access to the first eight Doctors. If you really wanted to get hold of it you could, but today we have the BBC in the US, and Doctor Who in prime time. You would think that the BBC would be proud of the originals and show them as well; introduce the US market to John Pertwee and Tom Baker, among others, on a wider scale. They do not do this, as these are the high school yearbooks and baby pictures. As with the original Star Trek, they are limited by the technology of the time, and have become synonymous with cheesy effects (unfair as that may be). The BBC knows that you can get a hold of these early years; they will even sell them to you if you are that interested, but putting them on the air would be like walking around your new office with your high school yearbook open to the picture of you with a feathered mullet.

So the new Doctor Who is hiding from its past. Sure, they mention the old incarnations in passing, and they brought out Sarah Jane for a few episodes, but for the most part they would like you to forget how old a show it is. It would limit its new-found cool. In fact, I would go so far as to say their revisionism extends to the new show. How often you you see the 9th Doctor these days? They will cram three seasons of David Tennant into a weekend, but Christopher Eccleston is rarely to be found.

As I am often wont to do, I blame the bean counters. The managerial types who do not care for history or nostalgia. Only the bottom line is important. They know, now, that David Tennant and Matt Smith sell advertising, and they are right. This can be quantified. It is a hugely popular show on a network that is not even in everyone's home. They do not want to spoil that success by bringing out old pictures that Americans will not understand. "But everyone had a feathered mullet in 1983," is never a successful argument, especially when made to those not yet born in 1983.

I say to BBC America, take a chance on American nerds. Run some old Doctor Who in the middle of the night. Many of us have DVRs and don't care when shows are on anymore. Get an online campaign going. Tell us to hashtag #ODW, or some-such on Twitter; lots of us will do it. Think of your expatriate and employed abroad Brits who watch BBCA. Wouldn't they, and their children want to see some old Doctor Who? Grow some balls. Stop showing The X-Files and ST:TNG to round out your sci-fi line up. You picked these because they are safe. Safe, however, is not what made the new Doctor Who work; that took some guts. Show some more by accepting your past, feathered mullets and all.

Lesbian Spider Queens of Mars

Well, since Blogger tanked and hosed up this week's NGoN, I thought I'd do a fresh post on a new favorite game; Lesbian Spider Queens of Mars from Anna Anthropy on Adult Swim Games. [link]

This is and old school game in the style of Wizard of Wor, but with one-handed play like Pac-Man. You play the Spider Queen, and your mission is to quell a revolt. The slaves are rising against you and you use your crystal staff to recapture them.


Gameplay is pretty standard. Run around and hit slaves with your laser to bind them, then touch them to recapture them. If you turn from a slave before touching them they will remain bound for a time, but will eventually break free and be angry red slaves, moving quite quickly. There are six types of slaves; Slaves who run from you, Gladiators who run for you, Assassins who pop up and fire at you, Alchemists who run from you and leave a trail of fire, Armor who cannot be bound head-on, and Princesses. There are four levels each comprised of three stages, and a thirteenth level with the boss, the Queen's jilted girlfriend, Tarantula. You can skip to level two from the beginning if you wish, but must play out the remainder of the game.


On the maze screen-shot above there is a yellow bar in the top-left corner. This shows you how many slaves remain in the level; the lower it gets, the closer to finishing you are. The final level is comprised of slaves and Tarantula. It is easy enough to figure out how to defeat her, but it is not overly easy to accomplish.

Fortunately for me, you get unlimited continues. The only drawback is that your score is set to zero each continue, but if you are like me you are more interested in game completion than your score. It is an awesome little time killer, and gets pretty exciting.

The Devil Came from Akasava (Jess Franco, 1971)

Furthering my attempts to see as many Jess Franco films as I can, and spurred along by this one featuring the ethereal Soledad Miranda, I got a hold of The Devil Came from Akasava from Netflix.

AKA "Der Teufel kam aus Akasava," this is an espionage, jet-setting, crime and killer thriller. I have to tell you. I have no idea how it was resolved, or what the ultimate goal was. Whether this is because I was in the throes of post-Mexico "bowel-pocalypse" or just standard Franco wonkiness I cannot say.

This one features a lot of Franco heavies. Soledad Miranda and Ewa Strömberg get the bulk of the time, with Howard Vernon and Paul Muller rounding things out. It is an odd film. Shot in German, but the characters are all British, and they are traveling to the, I assume, fictional island of Asakava where an archaeologist discovered the Philosopher's Stone. The various factions start trying to get a hold of it, and play off each other constantly. It is a fairly solid premise, though not a terribly new one. The execution may have been the issue, or again, maybe it was my illness.

If nothing else, it is worth watching Soledad Miranda and Ewa Strömberg (in one of her more attractive roles) prance around.

Danger: Diabolik (Mario Bava, 1968)

While not being up on the fumetti, nor overly schooled in what to expect, I have always considered Danger: Diabolik a film I needed to watch.

Now, this has everything that should make for an awesome, late Sixties espionage thriller. Hot pants and awesome legs, jet-setting spies, car chases, ridiculous gadgets, and bumbling cops. Plus, the nerd-friendly Dino DeLaurentis produces, and the incomparable Mario Bava directs. The thing you have to get past, or at least I did, is that Diabolik is a bad guy. Not a loose cannon or a Robin Hood. He is evil. Once that stops grating against your brain, it is a really awesome film. In the special features, comicker Alan Moore talks about how it is the greatest comic book adaptation ever filmed; going to far as to show panels from the comic books and the related scenes next to them. He attributes this greatly to Bava, who he says understands comics.

Now, this can be a bit campy like the old Batman television show, but it is not so much cheeky. John Phillip Law looks exactly as a real-life Diabolik would, and having the lovely Marisa Mell draped over the scenery all the time is certainly a bonus. The music is by Ennio Morricone (of Spaghetti Western fame), though it sounds a bit like Jess Franco's favorite duo of Alanso and Schwab. It is still very cool, and the soundtrack alone is a lot of fun.

What I think they really got right, from a comic book perspective, is they did not screw around with the costume or the character. While Law appears unmasked quite a bit, that is kind of a necessity, but they kept the basic costume... well, basic. Also, they did not clean the character up. As I understand things, there was a lot of anti-government sentiment in Italy at the time, and Diabolik is the government's enemy. It feels as though he is not even stealing for money as the film progresses, but rather to embarrass the politicians and police.

Definitely check the film out. It is highly cool, and the comic book fans should love it for no other reason than its conviction to the source material. Marvel and DC could learn a thing or three.


The lovely Marisa Mell as Eva Kant.


Law and Mell in a promo still.

The Beastie Boys made a video for "Body Movin'" with clips from the film.

Fan-Boy Icon #41 - James Hong

So, you are making a movie and you need a Chinese actor. Who do you get? James Hong, of course. He is the Chinese Morgan Freeman. That is not to disrespect the guy, he delivers, and has been in everything. The IMDb has his first film role as an uncredited police officer in 1955's Soldiers of Fortune and lists him with a staggering 365 film roles. He has Godzilla voice credits, The New Adventures of Charlie Chan, Dragnet, The Adventures of Rin Tin Tin, Death Valley Days, Have Gun Will Travel, The Outer Limits, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., The New Adventures of Wonder Woman, and a ton of other television.

Of course, two of his big, famous roles were in Blade Runner and Big Trouble in Little China. In BTiLC he plays the main antagonist, David Lo Pan, a reincarnated wizard searching for the right girl to sacrifice in order to restore his vitality. It is an awesome film all around, but Hong's work is wonderful. Lo Pan appears both as the doddering old man and the young, vital wizard. He is manic and threatening. It is a very Fu Manchu role, but with far less of the ham-fisted stereotypes that that character at times brings to film. If you have not seen it, it is an awesome film. John Carpenter made it, and it stars Kurt Russell. There are a slew of other great Asian American actors and actresses. Kung-Fu, magic, monsters. Horror, comedy, action. It is great.