Fan-Boy Icons #55: Slayer (@Slayer)

I thought I had left my metal days where they belong: in the '80s. Aside from Judas Priest, none of my metal loves of youth made it with me to the modern era. Then...

When I came across Slayer Pinball Rocks for the iPad, I was not a Slayer fan. I only noticed that it was well reviewed and looked really good. Being a pinball freak, I needed something and there seemed no better option. The music in the game started sticking with me, and I wondered why I never listened to Slayer before. I decided to pick up their best known album, 1983's Reign in Blood. From there I moved on to 2009's World Painted Blood (the album that spawned the music for the game) and 2010's Christ Illusion. I am pretty much hooked now. While bands like Anthrax have disappeared, and Metallica gone annoying, Slayer might be the only thrash metal band left. Well, there is Megadeth, but I just cannot handle Dave Mustane's voice.

One thing that initially put me off Slayer was the purported neo-Nazi ties. On Reign in Blood is the song "Angel of Death" about the infamous Nazi "scientist" Joseph Mengele. When I first heard the song, it was a little bothersome, but then after listening to more tracks I thought, perhaps, Slayer was taking a page from the Marquis de Sade's book and writing to be unreadable by the masses? Writing songs or stories about horrible things is not mutually exclusive to finding said things horrible. What eventually caught on was the anger that has not been present in music for a long time. On the two newest albums there is a lot of political dissent and attacks on religion; both things I find important, yet absent in our conformist, bling-based music scene today.

Alright, that's my post-metal, return to metal confession. Oh, and Happy Halloween! SLAYER!

Alucarda (Juan López Moctezuma, 1978)

Despite my Atheism, I do love a good Satan flick, and Juan López Moctezuma's Alucarda (aka Sisters of Satan, aka Mark of the Devil 3) is definitely that. I like to call it a "B" movie made with "A" talent, for the most part. Sure, there is some silliness, but considering the theme and the high jiggle factor it is remarkably well made and has a more-than reasonable story to it.

The basic story is; a young woman gives birth to a child, and dies shortly afterward, but not before a demon can posses  her. The child, Alucarda (Tina Romero, Los Piratas) is taken to a nunnery/orphanage to be raised. As a teenager she meets Justine (Susana Kamini, The Mansion of Madness) and immediately falls in love. Alucarda is not like the other girls, and is all about death and is rather obsessive. There is mention of her previous girlfriend who died, and later when Justine is out of the picture she latches on to Daniela (Lili Garza), the blind daughter of Dr. Oszek (Claudio Brook, the Mexican Vincent Price). One day while exploring an unhallowed tomb where suicides are buried, Alucarda and Justine release a demon which possesses both, and then the madness ensues. The girls return to the nunnery and begin spouting Satanic babble during bible study. When a failed exorcism attempt kills Justine, Alucarda goes off the rails.

There is certainly some bad acting, and a few plot holes perhaps, but overall this is a beautifully filmed movie and most of the major players do a nice job with their roles. Claudio Brook plays the dual role of  Atheist turned believer, Dr. Oszek and the Goat Gypsy who starts all the trouble. Tina Romero is haunting as Alucarda, despite some over-the-top bits, but she is possessed by a demon after all.

This is becoming one of my favorite horror films. Lots of awesomeness here. It delivers all the "B" movie staples; blood, breasts, and  beasts, but still manages to be a watchable, highly enjoyable film.

Alucarda and Justine with the crazy Goat Gypsy (Claudio Brook)

Tina Romero as Alucarda

One of the more phenomenal visuals.

Susana Kamini as Justine

For a great look at this film, check out Reverend Phantom's video review below.





Despite this Spanish language trailer, the Mondo Macabro DVD has a very good English track. Tina Romero was born in the US, and it appears that perhaps the film was dubbed into Spanish for the Mexican market, though I cannot say that is fact. There is some brief nudity in this trailer.

Shit Talkin' Tough Guys: Yvonne Atkins

After pouring through four seasons of the UK WIP drama, Bad Girls, I thought it would be appropriate to do a new Shit Talkin' Tough Guys post to let you all know about one of my favorite characters from the show; Yvonne Atkins, played by EastEnders' regular, Linda Henry.

I won't be including a lot of quotes, as Atkins is more of an old-school gangster moll who uses menace in her dialogue that likely does not translate to text well. She also gets a lot of humor, and is an all-around great character.

Atkins began her term at HMP Larkhall late in series one, and it was a little hard to tell where she was coming from. She threw a lot of money (well, prison money) around, and made friends quickly. As well as enemies. We learn pretty quickly what is going on as her mob connections are revealed. Once she gets previous HBIC Shel Dockley under her thumb, she pretty much runs the place. Check out the video below for a nice overview of the character.

WIP Wednesday: Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion: Beast Stable (Shunya Itô, 1973)

More spoils from my trip to NYC and the obligatory stop at Mondo Kim's Video & Music.* This time part of the three DVD "Female Prisoner Scorpion" box set.

*I shall forever be obliged to Tenebrous Kate for introducing me to this wonderful place!

Female Prisoner #701: Beast Stable (Joshuu sasori: Kemono-beya) is more Women's Revenge film than true WIP. This time Nami Matsushima, aka "Sasori," aka "Matsu," aka "Scorpion" is out of prison and on the run from the law. This is the third film in the series. You don't appear to need to have seen any previous film to watch this one.

Scorpion has a brief run-in with potential captors in the beginning while riding the Tokyo subway. She is handcuffed to a detective, and promptly (suspend disbelief) chops his arm off with a large chef's knife. The scene with her running through Tokyo with a severed arm connected to her by handcuffs is quite the beautiful thing, as it is unclear if the people on the streets know what is going on, so stunned is their expression.

The film is in Japanese with English subtitles, though this is hardly troublesome. Despite the trailer below, the film is less prison based, dealing mostly with Matsu and her new friend's troubles with sex slavers. They are as vicious as most prison guards from the genre, and definitely shows more of why Tarratino used these films as inspiration for the Kill Bill series. It gets a touch kinky at times, but not overly so. It is not a "nice" movie, and can still offer some shock to us moderns with our jaded film sensibilities. If you get the chance, it is well worth checking out.



For your benefit, this is a list (which I believe is accurate) of the "Scorpion" films:

1. Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion (1972)
2. Female Prisoner Scorpion: Jailhouse 41 (1972)
3. Female Prisoner #701 Scorpion: Beast Stable (1973)
4. Female Prisoner 701 Scorpion: Grudge Song (1973) - Final with Meiko Kaji
5. New Female Convict 701: Scorpion (1976) - Yumi Takigawa
6. New Female Prisoner Scorpion: Special Cellblock X (1977) - Yoko Natsuki
7. Joshuu Sasori: Satsujin Yokoku (1991, OVA) - Naoko Amihama (?)
8. Scorpion's Revenge (2005) (non-cannon?) - Yôko Saitô
9. Sasori (2008) - Miki Mizuno

Shadow of the Vampire (E. Elias Merhige, 2000)

If you have gotten tired of vampire films and need a pick-me-up, you owe it to yourself to check out Merhige's Shadow of the Vampire, starring John Malkovich, Willem Dafoe, Udo Kier, Cary Elwes, Eddie Izzard, and Catherine McCormack.

In it, Malkovich plays Nosferatu film director Friedrich Wilhelm Murnau, an obsessive German director (is there another kind?) who falls in love with Bram Stoker's Dracula, but is unable to get the film rights from Stoker's estate. Instead, he "creates" his own version of the tale, basically by changing Count Dracula to Count Orloff, and featuring an unknown actor, Max Schrek (Dafoe) as the vampire. This is all very similar to history, but then things change. Schrek is in fact an actual vampire which Murnau was able to locate in Czechoslovakia. Murnau makes promises to Schrek that he may not be able to keep, as well as plots to destroy the creature.

It is a beautifully done film at a trim 93 minutes. It switches nicely between faux-original footage from the 1922 film, and offers some nice insight into silent film production. Dafoe is delightfully creepy as Schrek, bringing a menace to the vampire world we do not see much any more. Malkovich gets a bit over-the-top, but that is part of the role. The stereotype of the 1920's obsessive German film director demands such, and he provides his own menace as the probable real villain of the piece. My only real complaint with the film is that at times, just a few, Dafoe's Schrek takes on a very Uncle Fester a la Christopher Lloyd aspect, but that might be due to the amount of Addams Family material I have been watching lately.

In all, I think vampire purists should enjoy this one greatly, despite the idea that immediately popped up on the IMDb about vampires not showing up on film. Schrek is sympathetic yet evil. More classic, old school vampire than Coppola's Bram Stoker's Dracula (which was still very good), where Schrek is both compelling and repulsive to those around him, and is a wonderful break from the over attractive vampire we typically get. Definitely worth your time.

Nerd Girl of Note #133: Bonnie Dunn (@Bonnadella)

So, for my birthday (Oct 15th), aside from an awesome dinner at db Bistro, the wife took me to see Le Scandal Cabaret at the Laurie Beechman Theater on 42nd Street. Bonnie Dunn has been doing the show, according to the show's website, for more than two decades.

The show was ridiculously awesome. Old style burlesque full of strippers, dirty jokes, physical gags and sword swallowing (literal, not figurative). This time the lineup was Bonnie, Emcee "Bastard Keith", stripper Cassandra Rosebeetle, comedian/acrobat/wild-man Rudi Macaggi, world record sword swallower and belly-dancer Natasha Veruschka, and another dancer whose name I do not remember (Rose... something).

Bonnie does an awesome show, some singing and dancing. She does a great Betty-Boop voice, and is awesomely sweet. The wife told her it was my birthday in hopes of them giving me a hard time, but instead she gave me a little giftbag and posed for a picture with me (which unfortunately did not flatter either of us, so I am not posting). It appears the show changes monthly, and is well worth seeing. I think tickets were $25 and there was a $15 food/beverage minimum.

Check the Facebook page, if that is your sort of thing.

WIP Wednesday: Sugar Boxx (Cody Jarrett, 2009)

Sorry it has been a while since I have posted here. Spent a week in New York City and did not bring the laptop. No time for blogging in Gotham for me. So, we'll get back to business with spoils from my trip to the highly awesome Mondo Kim's Video & Music!

Sugar Boxx is a neuvo women in prison film that takes all its cues from genre standards. It is very similar to your typical Filipino WIP film, but is set in Tallahassee, FL. This was musician/writer/director Cody Jarrett's third film, and while not all together bad, is only mildly enjoyable. There are some twists to the standard plot, but not much to make it really stand out.

Television reporter, Valerie March (Geneviere Anderson, Dracula's Curse, Star Trek: Enterprise) is asked by an old lady to find her niece. The trail leads her to Sugar State Prison, which has an odd record of interring young women convicted of dual drug/prostitution charges. In order to get into the prison, she poses as a prostitute and drives to Tallahassee to attempt to get arrested. There is little problem with that.

Once in Sugar State she meets Loretta Sims (Thela Brown, Flavor of Love's "Rain"), the tough girl who dislikes white women, but warms to Valerie (aka "Angel") and agrees to assist her in finding the niece and exposing the prison. She also learns that select women are used for prostitution by Warden Beverly Buckner (Linda Dona, Silk Stalkings, Delta Heat). From there on, it is all standard formula. Rapey guards, escape plans, "the box" and such. Notable appearances are from Tura Satana as a judge and Kitten Natividad as Matron Mays, though they do not really have enough participation to make it the reason to watch this one. Possibly the strangest part of the film is the use of medieval swords during the break-out scenes... Very odd.

As WIP goes, it is more toned down than most. Mostly nudity and more tame violence. High jiggle factor and short outfits for the leg and butt aficionados.

Geneviere Anderson as Valie/Angel

Angel and Loretta in an obligatory shower scene

Hookers with machetés

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 6

Addams Family Values (Barry Sonnenfeld, 1993)

I was frankly a little surprised at how this movie did not stack up to my memory of it. I love the first movie, and assumed I loved the second, but it seemed a little flat. It has good staying power because it does have so many quotable lines, but ultimately it felt like a parody of the first film.

I still like it, mind. There are some great ideas there between the Summer Camp and Fester's Marriage angles, but there just seems to be far too much going on. Also, the most developed characters are Fester's wife, Debbie Jellinsky (the delicious Joan Cusak) and Wednesday's love interest, Joel Glicker (David Krumholtz, recently of The Playboy Club). To me, Gomez and Morticia should not take a back seat to anyone, and they definitely do here. Also, there is a baby. I don't like babies in movies (or real life for that matter).

Getting Noticed

Hello all. Sorry all the posts have been out of the ordinary lately. Partly, the October Horror Movie Challenge is occupying my time. The other thing is the web comic I have been working on, Clerics Get No Love. I'm not here so much to pimp that endeavor as to discuss the challenges to getting noticed.

When I started Adventures in Nerdliness three years ago I stumbled upon the way to get followers. No, not by begging ;-) I searched Blogger for things I was interested in and started following blogs. Many of those bloggers started following me. It seemed slow going, but it appears I was approaching 100 followers within six months. This new web comic though, that is a different animal.

For now, it is on Tumblr, which makes it harder to promote. Me following others will not expand my base, as if I follow people it will be as Darius Whiteplume rather than Clerics Get No Love. So, the oneness is on my scant marketing ability and what little talent I have to attract a reader base. While I have somewhat of a pulpit between this blog and other social media, how much crap do you folks need from me every day? So, here is some of what I have been doing.

• Tumblr Tags: the best way for people to search Tumblr these days is with post tags. If my post has "Dungeons and Dragons" and "webcomic" as tags, then anyone searching for those things just might see my blog.
• Twitter Hashtags: I have Tumblr announce my posts on Twitter, so I edit the Twitter message to include relevant hashtags. If my post has #DnD and #webcomic, that is similar to the Tumblr tags for the Twitter set.
• Twitter for the Site: Now, my posts go to @d_whiteplume from Tumblr, but I did create @ClericsGNL where I make occasional posts as the main character. Mostly jokes that do not fit in with the strip. I manually post links to new CGNL posts there as well.

Otherwise, I just hope it catches on. I am not interested in any of these "get more followers" services or advertising something I do for fun, but like the more creative people I know I just want it to be read more than anything. Of course, the interwebz are full of folks with the same ambition. It is kind of a fun challenge.

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 5

The Graves (Brian Pulido, 2009)

When you start watching this movie and see the name Brian Pulido plastered all over the credits, you might think, "hey is that the guy who did Lady Death?" Fear not, because soon our heroines will spend five minutes of an intro montage telling you how awesome Lady Death is. In a word, then, "yes."

Outside of that I have nothing interesting to say about this movie. Tony "Candyman" Todd is good in the 10 minutes of screen time he gets, and Clare Grant has some bangin' titties,but otherwise this one is utterly unenjoyable.

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 4

For all the remakes and repurposings that have gone on over the years, destroying beloved franchises, or reminding us how shitty they original was and how bad an idea a remake is, Barry Sonnenfeld's 1991 The Addams Family is the clear exception to the rule. It is not only a great movie in its own right, but is a beautiful tribute to a show that was really quite spectacular. There is no real attempt to one-up the original. Sure, the sets are more elaborate and the budget greater, but they are not parodying the originals. Many of the actors are not doing strict interpretations of the television characters, but likely more close to the comic strip. The best, and this may just be the hormones talking, are Angelica Houston and Christina Ricci. While Ricci's Wednesday is a tad creepier than the show (Wednesday was only six on the tv show), but Angelica Houston's Morticia is so wonderfully like Carolyn Jones, it actually expanded my appreciation for Jones' portrayal.

Anyway, I could go on and on. Watch this one. You must.

Oh, and the pinball game was awesome.

Chai Lai Angels: Dangerous Flowers (Poj Arnon, 2006)

Alright, I am getting a little addicted to Thai movies of late. It started with Chocolate. Chai Lai Angels: Dangerous Flowers (ไฉไล) came into my Netflix suggestions. A Thai action comedy parody of Charlie's Angels? Sign me up.

So, while this is a parody, it is more of the "Carry On" variety than the Airplane! type. The title is parody in itself, "Chai Lai" being a bit of an "Engrish" jab at the pronunciation of Charlie. They are not trying to make fun of every aspect of Charlie's Angels, but rather take small swipes at the genre itself. For example, the team is undercover trying to protect a little girl that is important to their mission. When she is kidnapped they make chase, and must change out of their disguises into their sexy spy outfits while driving. It is not an overly dirty movie, with no nudity and cartoonish violence. There are a few bits that are somewhat racially or sexually insensitive to Western eyes perhaps. If you have some time to kill and nothing to watch, it is a good choice.

Stars:

• Bongkoj Khongmalaias as Rose
• Jintara Poonlarp as Hibiscus
• Supakson Chaimongkol as Lotus
• Bunyawan Pongsuwan as Spadix
• Kessarin Ektawatkul as Poy-sian

Streams on Netflix, as well as Amazon Instant and YouTube PPV ($2.99 on both). If you are on Amazon Prime it is a free rental. The film is in Thai and subtitled in English. Trailer below.

Bongkoj Khongmalai who stars as "Rose"

Supakson Chaimongkol as "Lotus"

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 3

Art of the Devil aka Khon len khong (Tanit Jitnukul, 2004)

So... Take I know What You Did Last Summer, Nightmare on Elm Street and The Ring/Ringu and mash them together with Thai actriz mas sexy Supakson Chaimongkol and you likely have Art of the Devil. Add some semi-Voodoo and bad dubbing and you definitely have it.

This one is a little cheesy, even by horror standards, but has its moments. It gets a little hard to tell what the hell is going on. Here is my take on things...

A young girl, "Boom" (Chaimongkol, BKO: Bangkok Knockout, Chai Lai Angels: Dangerous Flowers) is set up with an older man who gets her pregnant. She demands assistance in the form of one million baht (฿1THB ≐ $0.03USD ∴ ฿1,000,000THB ≐ $32,000USD). I did all that math to make the rest a bit more meaningful. He gives her the money, but later says for that amount of money he gets to "share" her. So, she is gang raped, presumably by the man's sons. She later demands more money for the indignity, which leads to him beating her up. Soon the man and his entire family, plus a few "innocent" bystanders are dead. A reporter thinks there is black magic involved.

After that, it gets a bit confusing.

I assume that Boom is trying to get the inheritance money from the dead gang rape instigator, but it is a little hard to tell her actual motives. She gets help from a Voodoo priest and starts killing a lot of people through mystical means.

I have definitely seen worse, but this one was just so hard to follow.

Streams on Netflix

Fan-Boy Icon #54: Mark Hamill (@HamillHimself)

I am not the biggest Star Wars fan, but I am quite the Mark Hamill fan from time to time, particularly when it comes to Batman. I definitely think his Joker in Batman the Animated Series set the bar for Jokers to come. It is the perfect mix between the Caesar Romero mania, and the Heath Ledger darkness that would premier sixteen years later.

Hey, I can't tell you much about Mark you do not know. He's Luke Skywalker, and in my opinion, The Joker. All the Bluray hoopla has got me a bit nostalgic for the original film. So three cheers for Mark Hamill!

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 2

Sea of Dust (Scott Bunt, 2008)

In a perfect world I would not even have to recommend a film with horror royalty of the calibre here. We have Hammer legend Ingrid Pitt and Tom "Mr. Zombie" Savini. What could possibly go wrong?

In a word: everything.

Writer/director Scott Bunt has two film credits according to the IMDb. One, for directing Sea of Dust, and one for writing Sea of Dust. I don't know anything about Mr. Bunt, but I assume he is a thirteen year-old boy who has seen every Sam Raimi film. Cruelty is not my intent here, and I would gladly make a bad movie just for the chance to make a movie, particularly with heroes of mine.

Now, the premise is quite good. Savini is Prester John, a mythical Christian king created by the Vatican. Prester John's kingdom was supposed to be deep inside Muslim lands during the Crusades, and used as a rallying cry to get more Europeans to head East. In the film, Prester John is brought into "reality" thanks to all the blood that has spilled in his name. There is travel between the land of the living and that of the damned. Prester John's kingdom is now Purgatory, and it is his charge to punish the unrighteous. There is excellent opportunity for some Lovecraft-styled madness here. The execution is poor. If this is any indication, the wife declared this film to be "almost as bad as The Room." During the end credits there is a song that is completely out of sync with the film, performed by a Dan Fogelberg impersonator. I don't know what it is called, but the title might be "I Can't Believe You Watched the Whole Thing."

Savini is fair in it, though he fills maybe twenty minutes of film. Pitt is very good, though nearly unrecognizable and hardly used. There is some nice creepiness, and a few good shocks, but overall this is not worth your effort. The worst part is that this was Ingrid Pitt's last film before her death. A shame, really.

Chocolate (Prachya Pinkaew, 2008)

Fans of wild-ass kung-fu movies owe it to themselves to check out Pinkaew's film Chocolate. It is a Thai film with subtitles (even for the bits in English), but furthers my belief that Thai filmmakers, particularly the stunt-people, are making some of the most balls out (or ovaries out) action movies around.

The story revolves around a young autistic girl, Zen, who is the daughter of gangsters from warring factions (rather Romeo and Juliette style) who is able to learn fighting skills by watching others. It starts with the Thai kick-boxers practicing near her home, and then moves to her learning from films and video games (I am pretty sure they made quite a lot of her watching Don "The Dragon" Wilson, but could not swear to that). When her mother needs treatment for cancer, Zen and her cousin Moom go about collecting debts she was owed when in the mob.

There is a lot of video game logic to this film. There is a story, but it is neither too heavy, nor too complicated. It creates a canvas to paint the fighting on. Yanin "Jeeja" Vismistananda who plays Zen does a fair job of playing the mentally-ill powerhouse, but it is the fighting that really earns her points. There is a lot of wackiness in characters and fight locations, and a ton of interesting gymnastics to go with it. The bad guy, Masashi (Hiroshi Abe) is evil incarnate, and when he punishes Zen's mother for her transgressions he explains how she will now, never forget, what he said to her. I'll assume he is right.

Well worth your time. Streams on Netflix.

October Horror Movie Challenge Day 1 (#horrormoviechallenge)

The Devil Within Her has the awesomely sexy Joan Collins, similarly sexy Caroline Munro, latter-day Hammer star Ralph Bates, and Donald Pleasance. Lucy (Collins) is a former stripper who was cursed by a rapey dwarf when she spurns his advances. Nine months after her marriage she has a toothsome and scratchy 12 pound baby that proceeds to make her life hell.

Verdict: Could have been worse. I am sick at the moment, and was drifting in and out. Made by the Rank company, so has some Hammer elements going for it.