Friday, February 13, 2009

Virtual Mountains of Madness

The world we live in, dear reader, is both smaller than we imagine and larger than we can fathom. "How," you might ask, "is this possible? Your posit, dear Whiteplume, is antithetical." I warn you friend, it is more true, more possible than I ever imagined.

I am a traveler in this realm we call the Blogiverse. I have seen beautiful four-color plains, stark black and white mountains, visions in print and plastic. There are horrors and perversions, beauty and elegance. Scanners and digital cameras are our windows. I see friendly faces in tiny icons everywhere I look, and roadsigns to that darkest of Empires, the nation of apes, the altar of our orthodox faith. I thought I knew this world well, and then it happened.

I had just updated my profile, adding that immortal Amazonian princess to my interests. I invoked her name. A list arose. I was one of 130 devotees. Scrolling to the bottom, I selected #10 on the list, and went to his blog.

All seemed well, at first. The landscape was familiar to me. There were the gods and goddesses of our religion cast in plastic and printed on pages. There were moving images, and just like home, the triangular touchstone activated them. While the place seemed peaceful, so like home, a nagging feeling began to well in me. "There is something wrong here," I thought to myself, "is this not the world I know?" Granted, there were stylistic differences, but all in all things seemed normal. Yet I could not shake this feeling. Then, quite suddenly, it hit me.

I looked at the followers of this blog. Not a familiar icon among them. I looked at their profiles, and did not see any — any — familiar blogs! "This is not possible!" I cried. I grabbed my mouse, it was a comfort. It at least was real. Though I feared chthonian horrors would leap from my browser, was finally able to click the "follow this blog" link.

The effect was almost immediate. My face appeared in the dialogue box. I spoke the words, "Follow publicly as Darius Whiteplume." The screen flashed, and the followers incremented, but my face was not there. I was a shade before a blue wall. I returned to my profile, and was a shade there as well. I was able to restore my self after some time. The fear subsided, and I began to explore this new, strange land.

So friends, follow me if you dare, to The Dork Dimension. Maybe you will find some new land through this portal as I did.


Rick Bman said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

"roadsigns to that darkest of Empires, the nation of apes, the alter of our orthodox faith"

THAT my friend is just good were on fire that day...Kal

Darius Whiteplume said...

Thanks Kal. I was feeling a little Lovecraftian.

All of it is true, btw. My profile image really did disappear. It was bizarre.

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