Friday, April 17, 2009

My Zombie Fighting Dream Team

So, there is this thing on Facebook where you pick your celebrity dream team of five to fight the zombie hordes that I think we all know are coming. I heard about this from by brother-in-law, who had a good team (though through a cheat of sorts he has six). Bruce Willis, Lt. Cmdr. Worf, The Mythbusters (herein lies the cheat), MacGyver, and Barack Obama. These are fine choices. Inclusion of The Mythbusters is inspired. I would drop the wiry Obama, as there are other leader types available and make a legal five.

Here are mine. I present them here because Facebook doesn't let you describe in any detail why you choose your team members.
  1. Ving Rhames: he's a big imposing guy with a commanding voice. When scavengers come to steal your dry-goods and ammunition, Ving will keep them in check. He also has zombie fighting experience from Dawn of the Dead.
  2. Mr. Spock: he is superhumanly strong, and since fear is an emotion, he is fearless. His logic and leadership abilities will be of great use, and he is selfless. Also, while emotion-free, he is not without compassion; when the looters come he may be able to negotiate a non-violent resolution. Remember, every tired, weak human is a zombie waiting to happen.
  3. Brock Samson: yes, he is a cartoon character, but he is a freakin' tank and virtually death-proof. He doesn't use a gun, and blades don't use ammo. He knows how to take out a mob with his '69 Charger, which is also tricked out with lots of James Bond tech. He's loyal and won't ditch you when things get tough. Also, he's a pilot, just in case you find a plane.
  4. Wendy O Williams: first, every horror scenario needs a heroine. Wendy O is a take-no-shit woman who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. She knows her way around small arms, and as a vegetarian will know how to keep you in good health when meat gets scarce.
  5. Tom Savini: if you are going up against zombies and don't take Savini, you are out of your mind. Savini is Mr. Zombie, thirty years running. If you can find someone who has been in more zombie movies, take 'em, but my money is on Tom.

That's it. There are some others, but I won't mention. In case others want to play along, I'd hate to spoil anything.


Bubbashelby said...

I just picked my five:

Captain America
Optimus Prime
Harry Houdini

Darius Whiteplume said...

That is quite a team! Don't fuck with Popeye, he's a bad mutha.

Bubbashelby said...

...shut your mouth...

Darius Whiteplume said...

@ BubbaShelby - :-)

Not to toot my own horn, but I just noticed something in my '70s film inspired picture montage. Everyone has their torso turned right and their head turned left, except Savini. I think it's a neat effect. Kind of like the old pictures of The Who where John, Pete and Roger are all stone-grilled rough-boys, and Keith is pulling a goofy face. You knew Keith was the really dangerous one. Never fuck with the crazy guy!

Cal's Canadian Cave of Coolness said...

Milla Jovovich as Alice from Resident Evil
Danny Tejo from Machete
Ray Park from GI Joe the Movie
Russell Crowe from The Quick and the Dead
Velociraptor from Jurassic Park

Love this meme...I think my team kicks slightly more ass than most but I am kicking myself that I didn't think of the Mythbusters because they can mess you up with most anything. I once saw them topple a building with only used diapers and some spicey mustard...its TRUE! Then they used the mustard on their sandwhiches..THAT is hardcore!

check mine out on my site..

Darius Whiteplume said...

I'd take Jaime Heineman over TWO McGyvers :-)

Velociraptor. Sweeeeeet.

The wife is building her all female team, and we both forgot Mila (we are slightly retarded. I'll do my all female squad shortly.

wiec? said...

awesome idea for a post. Brock is a righteous choice.

working on mine now.

Darius Whiteplume said...

Brock has had a bit of experience with the supernatural, though the mummy he killed in the pilot episode was apparently just a guy in a mummy suit. Brock had properly desecrated him before finding out :-)

He's also killed at least one Chupacabra. He says Mexico is "crawling with 'em."

Ralph in Clearwater said...

Re: Brock Sampson. Don't forget Venture-stein, he's kind of a zombie. "Prostitutes!"

Darius Whiteplume said...

@Ralph: "Let me tell you the story of a guy called Speedy."

Yeah, Brock hated Venturestein, didn't he :-)

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