Death and Atheism

I held out on posting this as I didn't want to be a crybaby, and it wasn't until now that I really felt like posting. Last week, my last grandparent died, and the funeral was on Monday.

Regular readers likely know my opinions on religion. I don't care what you believe, just don't push it on me, and I'll try my best to reciprocate. Since, however, we have a few Atheists here I thought I'd just make mention...

This was my first funeral since being a real, self-aware Atheist. I have been atheist all my life. I tolerated religious necessities as, well, social necessities. I was married Catholic as there was no sense in alienating the in-laws. I did lie to the Church and say I was confirmed. There was no harm in it.

This funeral, however, has changed my thinking. We sat through all these prayers, and speeches on how great jesus was (is?) and how lucky Grandma was to be with him in the "mansions of the saints." My extended family is very religious. Some devout Catholics, some are part of this bizarre neo-Protestant cult. My immediate family is not religious, but toy with their belief. I was probably a stand out at the services. I do not bow, I do not kneel, I do not pray. I was not there for this fictitious Nazarene. I was there for my Grandma.

So, I have been thinking about my own funeral. I am not convinced at times that I can die. I have had three near death experiences and am still here. I think I will have a funeral while still alive, and aware enough to enjoy it. People standing around talking about how much they loved someone without a drink in their hand, with the guest of honor being little more than a prop seems bizarre in the extreme. Also, I hate seeing people at their worst; just out of bed, sick, whatever; they do not want to be seen in a sorry state, and what state is sorrier than death?

So, for my funeral:

1. Open bar and a coffin-sized beer cooler. Beer to include my beloved Molson Canadian and Molson XXX, Fat Tire, Dogfish Head, Asahi Select, Kirin Ichiban. There will be no Bud Light or other such beer at my funeral. No well brand liquor either.
2. Strippers. Male and female. Everyone (of age) is to be present for both. If I sit quietly through your prayers, you can watch some asses shake.
3. No toasts or speeches if you have had less than four drinks. I want the truth, good or bad.
4. I am donating my body to science, so there will be no procession or grave, coffin or urn. However, since it is customary to have a song, I want it to be either: Born to Run, Thunder Road, I Wish I Was in New Orleans, or Folsom Prison Blues... Probably played by a female singer/pianist, as women get few such breaks and have better emotive qualities.
5. Pinball machines. I love pinball.

Well, that is all for now. In case I get hit by another car, I thought I should make some of my wishes known. You are all invited. It will probably be when I'm 69, just to add a little dirtiness. Keep the 2040s open.