Okey. I take it all back. Almost.

So, after being pleasantly surprised by how much I enjoyed The Phantom Menace last week, the wife and I sat down to watch Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith. I would love to tell you that I had changed my mind about these too, but unfortunately cannot.

Attack of the Clones is so very full of holes, I am not sure where to begin. Wait, yes I do. With those cloning assholes. They have a secret planet that is not on any maps, and you have to know how to get there to even get there (didn't they have a planetary cloaking device or something?), yet when an unknown Jedi arrives who apparently has no idea what the fuck is going on, they spill the beans. Not just "we are making a clone army" but "here is where we are making them, and how, and who we copied. Are there any other questions? Sleep with my sister perhaps?" Anybody that is that security conscious is going to have pass phrases, a secret handshake, something when it comes to divulging information. Hasn't George Lucas ever seen a mob movie? Does his dictionary only have a partial definition of "clandestine?" I won't even go into the whole Boba Fett thing. You know my feelings on Boba. If people were all into Jango Fett, that I could get behind. He practically kicked Obi-Wan Kenobi's ass... and Obi-Wan is the baddest Jedi in the three films.

The big downer, however, is Revenge of the Sith. It was so clumsy, when it had so much potential. Anakin Skywalker changed sides so easily. Too easily.

"I must turn you into the Jedi Counsel."
"I can save your baby-momma."
"Okey, where do I sign?"

There were even some great elements that could have been used. Palpatine was so subtle in his sliminess, but ultimately the script was ham-fisted. There was just so much waste in this film. The only great part for me was that it was all Obi-Wan, kicking ass and taking names. He killed more men than Cecil B. DeMille ;-), and he wore Darth Vader's ass out. Obi-Wan's rage at Anakin/Vader was the only real saving point for the story. It helps explain why Alec Guiness' Obi-Wan did not kill Darth Vader. It wasn't that he could not, but that he had to let things play out with Luke. "You were like my brother" and "you were supposed to be the chosen one" are the only lines I really remember from the film. It really is a shame that it did not turn out better.

Bottom line, I think, is that these two were more romance (in the classical sense) than fairy tale. The problem is, romance does not fill seats. Dogfights and wookie battles do. Had they taken up less time with spectacular fights, and given it over to character development it would have been a better pair of stories. I don't know that they'd be better movies, but story-wise it would have improved things greatly.